The Bluestar Diaries

[Ten]

"If prophecies always predict the future and they'll happen whatever the cats do, what's the point of giving them anyway?"
--
I'm thinking the argument might be that the know what will happen ahead of time so that they can... prepare, or something.


"Blood lies in his path. Fire lies in yours."
--
This is supposed to be like, his destiny is evil, yours is good, right?
But the Clans all hate fire. It's a bad thing.
So... he had a bad fate, and she has... a different kind of bad fate?


"before he does so tells her she must only focus on the prophecy"
--
What? Why?
What good does mulling it over do?
What is she supposed to do about it?


"I read this and thought her stomach was her brain. That's where emotions usually are,"
--
Cats, with their more rudimentary understanding of science, might think emotions are from the guts or heart. But that description is e.e ...like she has internal parasites or something.


"Not yet." Tigerpaw sounded disappointed."
--
lolwhat.


"his claws seemed to have outgrown the rest of him. They'd left scars in the earth so deep it made her shiver."
--
I'm picturing a badgermole.


"And lastly from Goosefeather: 'I'm sorry, StarClan,' he muttered. 'That cat should not have survived. This was never meant to happen.'"
--
1. Tigerpaw wasn't supposed to survive something? /doesn't remember.
2. Goosefeather is apologizing, as if he had a hand paw in keeping Tigerpaw alive. So he's apologizing for keeping a Clanmate healthy. o.o
3. Never meant to happen? um, what? I don't even know where to start with this...

So StarClan (or some higher authority) "means" for certain cats to be alive? And Tigerpaw is some sort of anomaly? And this must mean that he is instant just-add-water evil? What is he, a literal demon? I thought he hadn't even done anything yet. Just... what? What do you mean, "This was never meant to happen"?


"What are these shades of gray you speak of, Erins?"
--
I've got it.
The shades of gray are what happens when moonlight turns things silver.

[Cloud]

"I'm thinking the argument might be that the know what will happen ahead of time so that they can... prepare, or something."

Prepare? Like if there's going to be a battle they should practice more? I'm not sure what else they could prepare for. The prophecies in the books (as far as I can remember) have largely predicted battles, or the Journey as in the New Prophecy. They've predicted natural disasters, I think...I guess that's worth warning about. Eh. But they should just TELL the cats stuff like that, stuff that actually matters like prey shortages or something. I think the silliest prophecy in the books was "Before there is peace, blood will spill blood, and the lake will run red."

It predicts Brambleclaw killing Hawkfrost, who is of course his half brother. But a) this had little significance to ThunderClan as a whole, as it never affected nearly all of them and b) who needed to know? If he was going to die he was going to die.

"This is supposed to be like, his destiny is evil, yours is good, right?
But the Clans all hate fire. It's a bad thing.
So... he had a bad fate, and she has... a different kind of bad fate?"

Meh, I think it's supposed to be all symbolic and whatnot. Blood = violence and death and fire = fiery, glorious blazing leader career of awesomeness. But yes, Blue Sue even mentions that fire is bad in the prologue of the first book. I guess the Erins thought it sounded 'cool', no pun intended. Ironically, blood is often a symbol of life and fire a symbol of death. xD

"What? Why?
What good does mulling it over do?
What is she supposed to do about it?"

Exactly. All she can really do is hope to be given an apprentice to become deputy and...be a really good warrior I guess? Besides other than that it's just what Sunstar decides. I mean sure, her "romance" with Oakheart is stupid but honestly, if no one knows about it it has no bearing on her chance of being deputy. (She thinks he's talking about Oakheart, even if there's no logical way for him to know.)

"Cats, with their more rudimentary understanding of science, might think emotions are from the guts or heart. But that description is e.e ...like she has internal parasites or something."

Exactly. I can feel things in my stomach like tightness related to troublesome emotions, but I actually feel the emotions themselves in my head, obviously. I've never felt anything in my heart except a heartbeat.

"lolwhat."

He's a masochist. xD

"I'm picturing a badgermole."

Badgermoles are far more awesome, but I see your point.

"1. Tigerpaw wasn't supposed to survive something? /doesn't remember."

Goosefeather is referring to the time shortly after Leopardfoot (Tigerpaw's mom) had her three kits, (the other two were Tigerpaw's sisters) and the she-kits died before they were even a moon old, but he didn't, and Goosefeather, being the mystical hobo of fortune-telling, somehow "knew" he would turn "evil" and thinks he should have died.

"2. Goosefeather is apologizing, as if he had a hand paw in keeping Tigerpaw alive. So he's apologizing for keeping a Clanmate healthy. o.o"

He didn't, actually. He's been a crazy hobo useless lump for a while now and letting Featherwhisker, his apprentice, do all the work. So with that in mind, it sounds like he's apologizing for not killing him, which is creepy.

"3. Never meant to happen? um, what? I don't even know where to start with this..."

Neither do I. "Oh, he should never have been born, because he was going to be the Evil Overlord (TM)." Yeah, no.

"So StarClan (or some higher authority) "means" for certain cats to be alive? And Tigerpaw is some sort of anomaly? And this must mean that he is instant just-add-water evil? What is he, a literal demon? I thought he hadn't even done anything yet. Just... what? What do you mean, "This was never meant to happen"?"

I think (I can't really tell because why would the Erins ever bother to explain themselves or write clearly?) that he was never meant to be born because he would turn out so 'evil'. So from this we can deduce a few things: a) Evil people have no right to live because they are bad through and through and b) StarClan gets to decide who should be alive and who shouldn't, just in case they'll be 'evil'

Yup, I can see free will and forgiveness factoring in real well here.

"I've got it.
The shades of gray are what happens when moonlight turns things silver."

I literally laughed out loud. xD

I love dissecting the warriors books. It saddens me that my cousin (who is older than me and intelligent) still thinks Warriors and Twilight are examples of good writing.

[Cloud]

Chapter 19 a.k.a Hey Look, Evil Is A Disease (just like being gay)

This chapter starts with a charming scene of Blue Sue playing with the kits and thinking about Thistleclaw and Tigerpaw, and then we get this gem of a line:

"Tigerpaw had grown so quickly that he looked like a warrior after only a moon of training."

Clearly Thistleclaw is in cahoots with Goosefeather, and obtained steroids for his apprentice. Whether Tigerpaw is taking them with or without consent in unknown.

And then Blue Sue thinks this sweet if nonsensical thought about Whitekit:

"She was going to make sure he made it to warrior without any serious injuries. She owed it to him and Snowfur."

Woah, lady. I know you're devoted to him as his foster mom, but unless you're planning to be his eternal stalker, that's an unrealistic thing to promise yourself. Also, how would she prevent that? Follow him on every patrol to avoid accidents, which are a part of every warrior's life? Logic, I see it not.

Then Sunstar strolls along and tells Blue Sue to find Thistleclaw and Tigerpaw and patrol with them on the border because he's been getting reports of invading kittypets. Blue Sue tells us she knows Thistleclaw made those reports because he wants to fight kittypets and teach Tigerpaw to hate them. She thinks he's doing this to make sure Tigerpaw doesn't "follow in his father's pawsteps"

While I admire the fact that Sunstar actually tries to keep kittypets out, unlike Blue Sue will as leader, it kind of seems thrown in just to underline (again) Thistleclaw's bloodthirst. Like Hollyleaf's uber-belief, this seems kind of thrown in. I'm aware that all people cats are different, but it's not like Thistleclaw was raised to love violence so much, or was raised by an uncaring family who beat him. Sure, he could be a bit battle-happy, but being this "ROAR I HATE YOU ALL" without any clear cause for it seems a bit forced. Another way in which the Erins do not think their characters through.

Blue Sue walks in on Thistle and Tiger training, and of course Thistleclaw is being too harsh. He's too harsh/mean/bloodthirsty about EVERYTHING. Well, he liked Snowfur, but that was it. He's not allowed to have any moderate or gentle elements, because that would make him an interesting character and we all know the Erins forbid those from intruding in their orderly little world.

It gets dumber when the three start to patrol and this conversation happens:

"I know what you're doing," Thistleclaw growled." (Guilty as charged, sir, I am indeed being even dumber than the authors intended.)

"Bluefur was alarmed by the ferocity of his mew. "What?" (Who, me? I'm not the one who put a whoopee cushion under your tail at prey-eating time...)

"Playing with Whitekit every time my tail's turned." (That's a hanging offense, Miss Bluefur. The courts would like you to proceed to the noose now.)

"He's my kin!" She snapped, anger surging in her paws (It washed through my body like acid, and I was reduced to a pile of bones and ash.)

"He's my kit!" He retorted. (The DNA tests say differently) "Just remember that! I can stop your dumb games any time I want."

Um, Hedgehog, weren't you complaining just a few chapters ago that she didn't spend enough time with him, and now she does, and you're also ticked? I suppose continuity was already dead after the first few warrior books, and the first half of this one just sent it further down into the underworld. This explains everything.

"...but the moment I think you're turning him soft (er? He's a fuzzy little kitten, how much softer can he get?), the games will stop, get it?"

BUT THE GAMES HAVE ONLY BEGUN! MWAHAHAHAAHAAH!

-cough- Anyway.

Blue Sue is about to give him a piece of her mind (as little as there is to go round in there) when Tigerpaw says he smells kittypets.

Blue Sue says the scent is a kit's and not worth following. For once I agree.

Cue appearance of small black kittypet. This is Scourge, by the way, currently known as Tiny.

Thistle asks Tiny what he's doing on ThunderClan territory. I think it's kind of obvious what he's doing: obliviously trespassing because he's a dumb kit. Shoo him off and have done with it.

Blue Sue says he's no threat. True. Thistleclaw says "An intruder is an intruder, Bluefur! You've always been too soft on them." While this is true to an extent, I'm with Blue Sue for once. Thistleclaw's being an idiot.

And thus the infamous episode where Tiny gets his scars from Tigerpaw viciously mauling him for no good reason and his hatred of Clan cats ensues. Yup, that whole battle happened just because Thistleclaw and the apprentice he taught were morons.

Bluefur is shocked and horrified, which is fair enough. The idiocy of BlunderClanners never fails to amaze.

"Rage throbbed in Bluefur's paws as she stared after them. (the pulses beat in time with me banging my face against a desk) I'll never let you take power in this Clan, Thistleclaw!"

Oh noes! O:

[Cloud]

Whoops. Don't know why I called the last part chapter nineteen. It was chapter 32. o.O I must've been half asleep. anyway.

Chapter 33 a.k.a Idiot's Honor

Whitekit is becoming Idiot Extra number #33, better known as Whitestorm.

"As Sunstar pressed his muzzle to the white warrior's head, the Clan broke"

...into a thousand pieces of bad writing and little fuzzy bits that smelled funny.

"Bluefur closed her eyes, relief washing over her like rain. I kept my promise, Snowfur. I kept him safe."

No doubt by stalking him like the creeper you are.

"Bluefur hadn't been Whitestorm's mentor after all."

Amen, Sunstar has some degree of sense.

"She had involved herself whenever she could in Whitestorm's training"

Which involved lessons on how to be the perfect ThunderClanner. I have an extract here.
(don't ask me how I got it.)

1. Suck up to the main character. If they die, suck up to next Sue/Stu that comes along

2. Please refrain from having a complex, interesting personality or being more than a prop to support said main character.

3. If you gain an important position, you need only do two things: a) Breathing. b) Saying cliched, obvious-as-gravity lines that everyone will take as Wise and Wonderful.

4. Don't break the warrior code. Unless it's for the main character, or if the plot leash commands you.

5. In addition to being our glorious lord and master, the plot leash also enforces mind control over us so that we do not disobey its rules. The plot leash is the warriors' highest law. Defying the plot leash will lead to death, injury, or the loss of a shallow love interest.

6. StarClan is always right, and they are never to be questioned. Using logic on them is strictly prohibited.

ALL HAIL THE PLOT LEASH! AMEN!

The next paragraph is further proof of S. Meyer's meddling, which I have found evidence of many times in Eclipse.

"He had grown strong and handsome, and he stood now with his chin high and his eyes bright, thick snowy fur dazzling in the leaf-fall sun. It had rained in the night, and the forest sparkled with silvery drops, reflecting rainbows through the trees."

Note two words describing something shiny within two sentences? If you prove that Meyer hasn't read Warriors and/or influenced it, I'll eat my own socks. (only with ketchup, however.)

"Spottedpaw spent every minute shadowing Featherwhisker, fascinated by how much he knew about herbs and cures."

What KIND of herbs? Hmm? Hmmmmmmm? I have my own suspicions about Goosefeather's descent into insanity...

Then we're informed that Thistle who has "established himself as a senior warrior" and Tiger (who is now the infamous Tigerclaw) have both taken nests near the center of the warriors' den.

Which is supposed to be only for senior warriors, who are senior by AGE AND EXPERIENCE, not by declaring themselves so. Tiger's only been a warrior for four moons, as the book informs us, Thistle...maybe twelve or so?

I smell a plot hole, and it smells like cigarette fumes. A small one, to be fair, but still, WHY? Why haven't these two impetuous dumb butts been made to sleep on the edge like all the other young warriors? They're "shunning the outer den apparently." (SHUN the non-believers! SHUUUUUUUUUN!)

"No warrior had challenged him, though Bluefur wasn't sure if that was because his denmates respected the fierce, dark tabby and his former mentor - or feared them."

-gigglesnort-

I...I don't think I even have to go into how ridiculous this is. Really, Blue Sue? Really? I mean, I knew she was dumb, but this just...I'm sorry, it sounds so melodramatic and beyond stupid. And it totally contradicts what we've been told before, I don't care how awesome Thistle and Tiger are.

Moving on!

"Thistleclaw had become like a father to the dark tabby in Pinestar's absence; he had trained him to win at any cost (um, isn't that what warriors are supposed to do?), defending his methods as part of the warrior code, though Bluefur saw no honor in the way Thistleclaw fought for his Clan."

Now I know Blue Sue doesn't like Thistle, and I understand why. (though honestly I sometimes prefer him to her just because he hates her) But this doesn't even make sense. She describes that his methods are 'defended as part of the warrior code' which implies that they're against it, or so harsh and cruel that they wouldn't be allowed.

I'm thinking that if they wouldn't be allowed, some other cat besides Blue Sue would have noticed and punished Thistle and Tiger.

Perhaps they only fight in front of her to sTaRrrzies (lolwhat? the censors gotcha) her off.

That makes perfect sense.

Whitestorm (I'm tempted to call him Whitey, but as a far more awesome cat has that nickname I won't) comes up to his crazy aunt and says:

"Thank you." The white tom's mew had grown deep. "You have given me so much."

Including a blender, a toaster, and a villa in the south of France. Oh, and inherited idiocy.

"Bluefur's heart swelled. (like a cantaloupe) I won't let anything hurt you, ever.

Because I solemnly swear that I will stalk you until I or you die, and if I die I'll stalk you from StarClan, brushing sharp bits of twig out of the way and making sure no boo-boos ever begrime your fragile skin.

And of course, this is promptly contradicted in the next part.

"Bluefur's gaze clouded as she reached up and licked a stray tuft of fur on the warrior's shoulder. (which I'm sure he found weird) She noticed with a pang the scar behind his ear. (A SCAR?! Oh noes!) Tigerclaw had done that when he unsheathed his claws (or his EVIL powers of EVILNESS) during a training session, when both cats were still apprentices. Bluefur had blamed Thistleclaw."

Because you know, blaming Tigerpaw, who actually did it, would have made too much sense.

She relates the following exchange (after Whitestorm got his oh so horrible scar):

"If you taught Tigerclaw (hey, shouldn't this be Tigerpaw? They were both apprentices at the time) respect for his Clanmates, it would have never happened."

"His Clanmates must earn his respect." What?

"But Whitestorm will be scarred for life!" AGAIN with the scarred for life thing. Criminy, she-cats, WARRIORS GET SCARS.

GET. THE HECK. OVER IT. ARGH.

"Bluefur had stalked away fuming." (the poisonous gasses coming off her killed various plant and animal life.)

"She was furious at the way Thistleclaw seemed to pitch the apprentices against one another, again and again."

It's called TRAINING. Say it with me! T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G!

"Seeing the scar now, she still had to push away a bolt of anger."

...truly? You're still mad about something that happened moons ago, something that everyone else has probably FORGOTTEN by now because it doesn't matter?

All hail the mighty savior of ThunderClan, for she is truly wise and just. (sarcasm flag waving so hard I created a typhoon in the Indian Ocean)

Oh wait. Mood swing.

"What's done is done, she told herself. Perhaps Thistleclaw's ruthlessness (you mean non-wimpiness?) had made Whitestorm a better fighter."

Why I do feel like that was tacked on to show how 'good' Blue Sue is? Is it just me?

Blue Sue has a short exchange with Larksong, the tortoiseshell named after sound vibrations. (perhaps she oscillates instead of walking)

Larksong tells Blue Sue (paraphrasing here) that she's wasting her life, needs a mate, needs kits, needs someone to looooooooove. Gack.

direct quote-> "You need to live your own life now, Bluefur, before you wake up and realize you're as empty as a beech husk."

Um...is Larky telling Blue Sue to get knocked up? Because that's what it sounds like. Tell me if I have a dirty mind and there's some hidden meaning I'm missing here.

Luckily, Blue Sue shows a rare spark of intelligence, which she sadly does not keep later on:

"Is that how the old she-cat really saw life? Surely there was more to offer the Clan than kits!"

Exactly!

Why do all the single main she-cats, even ones who originally don't want mates, end up with them? Why? Can't there be one badass solitary she-cat who stops for no tom and lives life on the edge, laughing at all who dare try and tell her to have children? Please?

Alas, the plot leash is a cruel deity and will not answer my prayers.

"Larksong prodded the mouse and without looking up, rasped, "Maybe Thrushpelt has waited long enough."

HAHAHA.

As if Blue Sue would ever pick anyone logical to be her mate. I just realized the whole Thrush-Oak-Blue triangle is rather like Jacob, Edward, and Bella....except Thrushpelt isn't as awesome as Jacob occasionally is, and Oakheart doesn't sparkle. At least not to my knowledge.

The book mentions that Tawnyspots, the current deputy, is sick again. Blue Sue mentions that they might need a new one and she needs to be ready, and having a mate would only distract her. She does have a point, I think. I'm pretty sure there's an unwritten rule that she-cats with mates (or at least she-cats who have kits) can't be deputy.

Also, why are Bluestar and Leopardstar the only female leaders in the books? Nevermind, there's Mistystar too. But only four in the main 20 books or so, and only one other minus Blue Sue (Heatherstar the mutant) in the super editions? And we've never seen (at least not in the more recent generations) ANY female leaders in Shadow or Wind (Shadow had a female deputy, but whoops, she died.)

I'm not saying the warriors books are truly sexist; I've (unfortunately) read the history books of them, and there were truckloads of female leaders in the past, Shadow and Wind's founders were she-cats, though probably for symmetry reasons. I'm wondering why that changed. Maybe it's chance and I'm reading too much into this.

Although the female leaders we've seen have been idiots. Blue Sue is Blue Sue, and I'm sure you all know what Leopardstar did.

Anyway!

Blue Sue goes on a patrol, catches a moorhen. Oakheart (stalker man) congratulates her.

"The RiverClan tom was watching her from the far shore. Bluefur dropped her catch and glared at him. "Are you spying on me?"

"No." Oakheart looked mildly amused. "I'm allowed to patrol my own territory, you know."

GASP, personality!

...and then Blue Sue, who not even a full page ago said she didn't need a mate, didn't want love, didn't give a flying crap, implies that she likes him. And they barely even know each other.

The plot leash strikes again, and its pull is mighty and strong.

[Ten]

"No warrior had challenged him, though Bluefur wasn't sure if that was because his denmates respected the fierce, dark tabby and his former mentor - or feared them."
--
This is a backloaded periodic sentence, where the important bit comes at the end. The crucial words "if that was because his denmates respected... or feared" have a certain flow. They're connected. Jamming in the words "the fierce, dark tabby and his former mentor" (instead of something quick like "they") disrupts the whole flow of the sentence and makes it sound stilted. It's unnecessary description. It chilcotts with your syntax rhythm. This is something I've noticed in these books -- how the narrator will throw in a wordy description instead of just using a name or a pronoun. That's not a bad technique, in and of itself, but anything's a problem when it jolts the sentence like that, and this is the worst I've seen it.

Content-wise... why are they feared again?


"he had trained him to win at any cost"
"um, isn't that what warriors are supposed to do?"
--
They're not supposed to kill. Did Thistleclaw train him to kill to win battles? I don't know if the Erins are trying to treat lightly for the soccer moms, but if she meant kill, I'd expect her to just say it.


"Bluefur saw no honor in the way Thistleclaw fought for his Clan."
--
What, specifically, does he do that's dishonorable?


"Now I know Blue Sue doesn't like Thistle, and I understand why."
--
I forget; why do we dislike him?


"(I'm tempted to call him Whitey, but as a far more awesome cat has that nickname I won't)"
--
Aw. It's funny that you say this, considering Whitey is my most underdeveloped of my characters.


"Because I solemnly swear that I will stalk you until I or you die, and if I die I'll stalk you from StarClan, brushing sharp bits of twig out of the way and making sure no boo-boos ever begrime your fragile skin."
--
Yeah... "I won't let anything hurt you, ever," seems a insensible promise to make to a warrior. Let him grow up and be a man, honey. He won't be much use to his Clan if he can't fight in a battle because of you.


"Criminy, she-cats, WARRIORS GET SCARS."
--
No way.

So, besides the obvious that this just happens when you're a warrior... uh, why is she acting like it's such a bad thing? It doesn't sound like it's that hideous of a scar. It's not like... Phantom of the Opera kind of bad. But she's flipping out over it. Why? I don't know. I thought it was true that chicks dig scars.


"Larksong tells Blue Sue (paraphrasing here) that she's wasting her life, needs a mate, needs kits, needs someone to looooooooove."
--
o.o


"You need to live your own life now, Bluefur, before you wake up and realize you're as empty as a beech husk"
--
o.o


"Um...is Larky telling Blue Sue to get knocked up? Because that's what it sounds like."
--
o.o That is what it sounds like.
Either that or she's telling her she's shallow and lacks personality, but I doubt it.


"Why do all the single main she-cats, even ones who originally don't want mates, end up with them? Why? Can't there be one badass solitary she-cat who stops for no tom and lives life on the edge, laughing at all who dare try and tell her to have children? Please?"
--
haha, it's like you're expecting warriors in a series called Warriors.





Because that's silly.

hm. Cloud, perhaps you can make a quick list here. Doesn't have to include all the books; that would be too much. I want to know how many males there are without offspring compared to how many females without offspring. Unless the gender population has an uneven ratio, I'd think they'd be the same, or about the same.


"Maybe it's chance and I'm reading too much into this."
--
Maybe it's because the she-cats are the ones that have the kits.
Just think about it.
You want to maximize your kit output, you have male leadership.
Of course that's only if you abide by that no-children-for-lady-deputies rule.


"Blue Sue, who not even a full page ago said she didn't need a mate, didn't want love, didn't give a flying crap, implies that she likes him."
--
...What was it that she said? Why would she like him? That is, is it just that she thinks he's handsome? I don't think she's seen much of him, besides his physical form, that she could like.

[Cloud]

"This is a backloaded periodic sentence, where the important bit comes at the end. The crucial words "if that was because his denmates respected... or feared" have a certain flow. They're connected. Jamming in the words "the fierce, dark tabby and his former mentor" (instead of something quick like "they") disrupts the whole flow of the sentence and makes it sound stilted. It's unnecessary description. It chilcotts with your syntax rhythm. This is something I've noticed in these books -- how the narrator will throw in a wordy description instead of just using a name or a pronoun. That's not a bad technique, in and of itself, but anything's a problem when it jolts the sentence like that, and this is the worst I've seen it.

Content-wise... why are they feared again?"

They aren't. Blue Sue's just being stupid and melodramatic.

"They're not supposed to kill. Did Thistleclaw train him to kill to win battles? I don't know if the Erins are trying to treat lightly for the soccer moms, but if she meant kill, I'd expect her to just say it."

Maybe he did, though it says that nowhere in the book. It just says he's all vicious and bloodthirsty and whatnot.

"What, specifically, does he do that's dishonorable?"

Blue Sue conveniently does not tell us. Nor are we shown. We're just supposed to think he's dishonorable because she says so.

"I forget; why do we dislike him?"

He's arrogant, bloodthirsty, irritates Blue Sue by being her sister's mate, etc. I don't like or dislike him anymore than anyone else in the book, but those are the given reasons.

"Yeah... "I won't let anything hurt you, ever," seems a insensible promise to make to a warrior. Let him grow up and be a man, honey. He won't be much use to his Clan if he can't fight in a battle because of you."

He can. Blue Sue doesn't say any of this aloud, she's just helicopter aunt in her gushy, illogical thoughts. Poor Whitestorm has no idea that his maternal figure is such a creeper.

"No way.

So, besides the obvious that this just happens when you're a warrior... uh, why is she acting like it's such a bad thing? It doesn't sound like it's that hideous of a scar. It's not like... Phantom of the Opera kind of bad. But she's flipping out over it. Why? I don't know. I thought it was true that chicks dig scars."

Apparently Blue Sue can't stand a mar in the beauty of her lover's nephew's "dazzling" visage. It's kind of creepy how much she fusses over him. She's not even his mom.

"o.o That is what it sounds like.
Either that or she's telling her she's shallow and lacks personality, but I doubt it."


No. "Get preggers, girlie!" is this translated into modern slang. Blue Sue IS shallow, but naturally that's not what Larksong is saying.

"Maybe it's because the she-cats are the ones that have the kits.
Just think about it.
You want to maximize your kit output, you have male leadership.
Of course that's only if you abide by that no-children-for-lady-deputies rule."

Hmmm...actually, there was a she-cat who had kits but still became deputy: Mistystar, who is ironically Bluestar's only surviving kid. I know she had kits at one point in the series, but she wasn't deputy then, so. I think they can't be appointed when they're nursing, but once their kids grow up I think it's fine.

"...What was it that she said? Why would she like him? That is, is it just that she thinks he's handsome? I don't think she's seen much of him, besides his physical form, that she could like."

"She headed away with her prey, reluctant to leave. Walking away from the RiverClan tom left a hard, hollow feeling in her belly. He's RiverClan, she reminded herself sharply."

and then when Thrushpelt congratulates her catch, "somehow the ThunderClan warrior's praise didn't spark the same thrill in her that Oakheart's had done."

And no, she hasn't. Earlier in the book she complained that he was arrogant. They've barely even had conversations before. And to just be supremely ironic, Blue Sue has not even a page ago declared that she didn't like anybody and it didn't matter to her.

I wonder if the Erins even read what they write.

[Cloud]

Chapter 34 a.k.a Awesomeness…and then lameness

This chapter, shockingly, is kind of interesting. At least part of it is.

It starts with Sunstar declaring that they need to take back Sunningrocks, which everyone thinks is just dandy. He says he wants to do so because winter (leaf-bare) is coming, and they need more hunting ground to feed the kits that White-eye is going to have. Amazingly, this makes sense.

Then he drops a bomb on his battle-happy friends: “I want to take Sunningrocks without a battle.”

“Thistleclaw stared at the Clan leader as if he’d grown an extra head.”

Sunstar named his extra head Fuzzles, and they practiced comedy acts together.

ThunderClan is all hey, we can’t just ask for it, that’s dumb. Tigerclaw says “Or are you going to beg?”

“Sunstar glared at the dark warrior. “ThunderClan never begs!” He unsheathed his claws.”

Ooo-kay. How’d Sunstar go from calm tactical leader to raar Imma kill you within two seconds?

Then Sunstar says “Why should they risk a battle we don’t need to fight?” He goes on about how they have some of the most skilled warriors and that RiverClan doesn’t really need it, they only use it for sunbathing.

“We will show them our warriors (if they’ll show us theirs) and persuade them that giving up Sunningrocks would be a wise decision for both Clans.”

Hmm. I guess he has a point, but still, territory is territory. Assuming I don’t know what happens, I would say RiverClan wouldn’t just give it up to avoid a fight. Still…well, it’s interesting. It is kind of Firetard-ish, but then there’s this next bit:

“Sunstar nodded. “We’ll tell them that we own Sunningrocks and that we’ll shred any RiverClan cat who dares set paw on it again.”

That sounds much better. Threats work wonders. And yes, I’m being serious. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this is actually a good strategy, especially since it doesn’t involve zombies, the plot leash, or Blue Sue.

No. I lied. He’s taking Blue Sue on the patrol to the RiverClan camp…hmm. Maybe not the smartest idea, after WindClan, as Blue Sue reminds us.

Sunstar takes his patrol, they run into RiverClanners who are rightfully suspicious but take them along anyway. They go…and Sunstar talks to Hailstar.

I shall proceed to relate their conversation.

“Sunstar dipped his head. “Sunningrocks belongs to ThunderClan,” he declared. “We are taking them back.”

Hailstar unsheathed his claws. “You’ll have to fight for them,” he growled.

“We will if we have to,” Sunstar meowed. “But we thought we’d give you fair warning.”

Timberfur padded forward, pelt bristling. “Are you threatening us in our own camp?” (Why yes, yes they are)

“We’re not threatening you,” Sunstar answered calmly. (Uh, yeah he is) “We’re giving you a choice. If you keep off Sunningrocks, we’ll leave you alone. But any cat who sets paw there will be shredded.”

Into party streamers.

“Hailstar stepped forward. “Do you really think we will give up the rocks so easily?” (They’re shiny and I got them for my birthday, and they’re mine! Wah wah wah!”)

“If you prefer a battle, then we’ll fight.” Sunstar meowed.

(“If you prefer a straight answer, then yes.”)

Sunstar basically says they have enough food already, and they stink at hunting at Sunningrocks anyway, so why not give them to ThunderClan. I’m thinking that insulting RiverClan’s hunting abilities (even if he does have a point) isn’t the best way to get what he wants.

“But the RiverClan leader just stared (how rude), opening his mouth to scent the air. “I smell fear,” he snarled.”

Me smell fear...it smells like stinky cats…mmmm….

“Then it comes from your own warriors.” Sunstar countered.” Oooo, Hailstar got dissed.

“You actually expect us to give up Sunningrocks?” Hailstar hissed.”

No, Sunstar is here because he misses your pretty face and likes going into enemy territory for the heck of it. Why do you think, dumb butt?

“Sunstar shook his head. “I expect you to fight for them,” he meowed.” Geez, does the guy give no straight answers?

“Hailstar took a step toward the ThunderClan leader. “RiverClan warriors fight with claws, not words.”

I /know/ I’ve seen that line somewhere before, and it sounds as obvious as ever.

“Very well.” Sunstar nodded. “Sunningrocks are ours. We will set the new markers tomorrow. After that, any RiverClan cat found there will face a fight he will not win.” He gazed around the camp and raised his voice. “Let all RiverClan know that the warning has been given. Any blood spilled now will be on Hailstar’s paws.”

Hmm.

“Bluefur was impressed by her leader’s strategy. He’d openly dared RiverClan to fight, yet made it look like their choice.”

I think it’s kind of clever. It seems to make sense, someone tell me if it doesn’t.

RiverClan gets irritated, then this odd bit happens:

“Ottersplash faced them, with Timberfur and Owlfur behind her. “We’ll escort you to the border,” she growled. “Thank you.” Sunstar dipped his head. “We’re only making sure you go back to your own territory.” Owlfur spat.”

Hmm. It makes sense that they’re suspicious of the ThunderClanners, but it doesn’t make sense that the ThunderClanners would have any reason to linger; the point of their visit was that they didn’t (or at least Sunstar didn’t) want to fight, they just wanted to talk to Hailstar. And it’s not like they can steal prey, since they don’t fish. Ah well.

Oakheart pops in, tags along with the escort, whispers to Blue Sue that he must talk to her and she needs to make an excuse.

Because that’s not stupid or suspicious at all.

“Bluefur twitched her ears. How could she get away from her patrol? Why should she? But the urgency in Oakheart’s voice nagged at her. She had to know what he wanted.”

There is no subtext here. None at all.

Blue Sue pretends to have a thorn, Oakheart says he’ll help her, and makes Thrushpelt (who faithfully stayed back to offer to help) back off.

“As soon as her Clanmates had disappeared around the corner (huh?) with their RiverClan escort, Oakheart faced her. “Thanks,” he breathed. “We need to talk.”

…about what, the number of times he’s sTaRrrzies (lolwhat? the censors gotcha) her off by being in her territory?

“Do we?” Bluefur was mystified. She shook her head, as though shaking would clear it. There was something about this warrior’s presence that made her feel dazed and fuzzy-headed.”

I’m going to assume the distortion of the universe caused by the pull of the plot leash.

“I haven’t seen you in moons!” Oakheart exclaimed.”

…though I’ve tried to, but since you’re so busy stalking your nephew, it’s hard to stalk you.

“Bluefur tipped her head to one side. (and it fell off and rolled away) “Why should you? We live in different Clans.”

SENSE?! –falls down in shock-

“Oakheart shifted his paws, looking uncharacteristically awkward. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” he blurted out. “Ever since last leaf-bare when we talked near the river.”

If I recall correctly they barely even had a conversation, and it was mostly Blue Sue being mad at him for lying on a rock in ThunderClan territory. You know, typical beginning-of-romantic-relationship meeting.

Or Oakheart really doesn’t have enough to occupy his mind.

“Bluefur backed away. “But that was ages ago! And you don’t even know me!”

WHAT?! Logic?!!! How dare you, Blue Sue! OBEY THE PLOT LEASH!

“I want to know you,” he insisted. “Everything about you-your favorite fresh-kill, your earliest memory, what you dream of…”

This isn’t creepy at all. Nope. Not a bit. –sarcasm flag waving so hard that I knocked down a skyscraper-

“Bluefur’s heart twisted. I don’t have time for this!” “You can’t!” she gasped. “The warrior code!”

“I’m too busy being a creepy aunt, bug off.”

“Oakheart impatiently shook his head. (why is she resisting the plot leash, he wondered) “This isn’t about the code. This is about us. Meet me tomorrow at moonhigh at Fourtrees.”

“I can’t!” Bluefur protested. (I’m going to be too busy picking out specks of grit from between Whitestorm’s precious paws)

“Just meet me,” Oakheart begged. “Give me a chance!” His green eyes were round and pleading.”

The ThunderClan patrol finally figures out that Bluefur has been “getting a thorn out” for a suspiciously long time (perhaps they assumed the thorn was epic, with jet packs and killer lasers)

She goes with them, and then we get these last lines.

“As she crossed the stepping-stones, she felt sure Oakheart was looking at her. Her pelt burned. (and promptly went up in flames) He was watching. She knew it. But she didn’t look back.”

How does she know he’s watching if she can’t see him?

[Ten]

“We’re not threatening you,” Sunstar answered calmly. (Uh, yeah he is) “We’re giving you a choice. If you keep off Sunningrocks, we’ll leave you alone. But any cat who sets paw there will be shredded.”
--
Do what I tell you or I'll kill you. I'm not threatening you. I'm giving you a choice.


“You actually expect us to give up Sunningrocks?”
--
This is beginning to sound redundant.
I'd expect them to have more to say than this.
No, scratch that. I'd expect them to have chased them off by now.


"but it doesn’t make sense that the ThunderClanners would have any reason to linger;"
--
I think what he means is, they'll escort them to their idea of what the border is -- meaning, they'll escort them past Sunningrocks (is that one word? why is that one word?).


"How could she get away from her patrol? Why should she?"
--
um. No. She shouldn't. He's just some enemy warrior. She's not obligated to have secret meetings with him.


"She had to know what he wanted."
--
In your pants.
Wait no, you're not wearing any.


"Blue Sue pretends to have a thorn, Oakheart says he’ll help her, and makes Thrushpelt (who faithfully stayed back to offer to help) back off."
--
Right. Sure. Because that makes sense.


"Ever since last leaf-bare when we talked near the river."
--
Lust at first sight.
Somehow this is supposed to be romantic.


"This isn’t about the code. This is about us."
--
Selfish.


"Meet me tomorrow at moonhigh at Fourtrees."
--
I feel like there should be some kind of Raimi-style suggestive winking at the end of this.
Because it's not like they're going to have a deep conversation or anything.


"Give me a chance!"
--
Dude. You don't even know the chick. Back off.
If he were in the same Clan -- and thus, had talked to her before, knew her personality, etc. -- then it might be reasonable for him to "want to get to know her better" but the only thing on which he seemed to be basing this desire is the view of her kitty backside as she walks away.

Why is this supposed to be romantic?

[Cloud]

"This is beginning to sound redundant.
I'd expect them to have more to say than this.
No, scratch that. I'd expect them to have chased them off by now."

Exactly.

Sunstar's idea is smart in theory, but the doing of it is dumb.

"I think what he means is, they'll escort them to their idea of what the border is -- meaning, they'll escort them past Sunningrocks (is that one word? why is that one word?)."

Yeah, it's one word. It's one word because the Erins - I mean, plot leash commanded it to be so.

"um. No. She shouldn't. He's just some enemy warrior. She's not obligated to have secret meetings with him."

Exactly.

"In your pants.
Wait no, you're not wearing any."

XD Exactly.

"Right. Sure. Because that makes sense."

THE PLOT LEASH COMMANDS IT SO.

"Lust at first sight.
Somehow this is supposed to be romantic."

Somehow.

"Selfish."

I know, right?

"I feel like there should be some kind of Raimi-style suggestive winking at the end of this.
Because it's not like they're going to have a deep conversation or anything."

fffahahah xD Yes.

"Dude. You don't even know the chick. Back off.
If he were in the same Clan -- and thus, had talked to her before, knew her personality, etc. -- then it might be reasonable for him to "want to get to know her better" but the only thing on which he seemed to be basing this desire is the view of her kitty backside as she walks away.

Why is this supposed to be romantic?"

-gigglesnort- Exactly. Also, this doesn't forward the plot in any way, unless you count it causing an obstacle to her being deputy. But this all could have been avoided if either of them had the slightest amount of sense.

I have no idea. Perhaps it's because cats have supertails.

[Cloud]

Chapter 35 a.k.a Why. Just why.

“Give me a chance!”

I swear to be the best illogical forbidden lover ever!

“A chance for what?”

For Oakheart to wow her with his tomly charms and sweep her off her paws, and then they will dance among the stars on clouds made of dreams and kisses while the plot leash watches over them.

“She didn’t need to ask. She knew. The intensity in his mew, the desperation in his eyes. Seeing his longing was like looking at a reflection of her own heart. She felt the same tug. The same longing to be close.”

HAHAHA.

I don’t see how anyone can read this and not laugh. It’s just…I don’t have the words. It’s too silly to even describe. Granted, I am not a romantic person, but I’m assuming two people who barely know each other would feel this way.

Also, a reflection of her own heart? Hey Blue Sue, didn’t you not want a mate so you could be deputy and then leader? Hypocrisy called; it said you owed it a lot of money.

And you want to be close to an almost-total stranger, and you have no way of knowing if he has good intentions or not.

I salute you, for you are truly a wise and rational cat who is fit to be leader of ThunderClan.

*gags*

“But how could they be together?”

Tying you both to a board would work, or perhaps supergluing your sides together would be better.

Blue Sue gets up, “floundered out of her nest” and goes outside. Then we get this exchange between Thrushpelt and Spottedpaw. (Spottedsue)

“Spottedpaw!” Thrushpelt called down the fern tunnel to his apprentice.”Stop bothering Featherwhisker! Come and see what your duties are for the day.” “Sorry.” Spottedpaw hurried out with flecks of herbs on her paws. “I was just helping him mix comfrey.”

A likely story.

Some cats discuss the patrol that will be sent to Sunningrocks later, and Blue Sue thinks this:

“Bluefur’s heart quickened. What if she met Oakheart in battle? How could she fight him now?”

Let’s see…it can’t possibly be because you’re loyal to your Clan. Other than that, can’t imagine. –sarcasm flag waving so hard that I disturbed the moon’s orbit-

She tells a few lies about the “thorn” she stepped on yesterday, when Featherwhisker inquires about it.

“If StarClan didn’t want her to meet Oakheart, surely they would have said something to Featherwhisker, something that would make him stop her? Maybe StarClan wanted this to happen. Maybe it was her destiny.”
Cause this is my destinyyyyy! You teach me, and I’ll teach you, war-ri-orrrrrs! WARRIORS! (to the tune of the first pokemon theme song)

No dear. StarClan doesn’t really care. However, the plot leash has its own evil plans. Besides, what would Featherwhisker say? “Oh, Bluefur, don’t go out and meet the random RiverClan warrior who’s creepily obsessed with you. We good?”

“What would he say?”

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

“What would she say?”

Mischief managed! (Presuming, of course, that wink wink nudge nudge.)

“What if she did something mouse-brained, like trip over her own tail?”

How would she even…no, wait. Supertails.

Then the patrol who was marking Sunningrocks came back and announces that they had no trouble from RiverClan, and these are Blue Sue’s first thoughts:

“Bluefur felt relief washing over her pelt (it then melted the flesh from her bones.) Oakheart was safe.”

That’s your first priority now? Not your Clan, the one you want to become leader of? Not the one that you told me for 200 pages was the one and only thing you cared about besides stalking your nephew?

Gosh, Blue Sue is the potential leader I want her to be. –sarcasm flag waving so hard that that Venus said “Ouch!”

“Sunstar gazed around his Clan. “From now on, no Clan will threaten our borders.”

Unless, you know, they don’t really care that you currently have Sunningrocks, which has been a running feud for generations and is old news.

“Bluefur got to her paws. What was the mood in the RiverClan camp? Bleak enough for Oakheart to change his mind about meeting a ThunderClan cat? She would still go to Fourtrees. If he felt half as restless and distracted as she did, he’d be there.”

Fair point, or it would be if this made any sense. Besides from being pointless, this doesn’t really serve the plot either. It’s just there. While Bluestar’s Prophecy is undoubtedly 90% filler, much of it does, in some vague way, serve the very loose plot. This? Not at all. It’s just here so Blue Sue can have another angst barrel before she becomes deputy and then leader. And to provide future fodder for Tigerstar’s takeover with halfClan discrimination.

Anyway, back to Blue Sue in the present, where she’s being annoyed that her Clanmates won’t go to bed for a while and that she might be late for Oakheart, heaven forbid.

Then we get a sudden infusion of sense. “Oh, StarClan, what am I doing? Was she really going to slip out of camp and meet the RiverClan warrior? Her paws felt clammy. Am I mad?”

Granted, I can understand how doubts would creep in during this sort of situation. But I think they should’ve happened much earlier, especially if she’s so dedicated to her goals as we’ve been lead to believe.

Blue Sue unwillingly goes to eat with her Clanmates (the ungrateful brat) and the sparrow she eats “tastes like splintered wood.”

It’s not her saying it tastes like wood that irritates me; I’ve tasted wood and it doesn’t taste good. (Don’t ask me why.) It’s the splintered part. Why would the wood being splintered make it taste any different? It would make it feel different, not taste different. Touch =/= taste. Even if that’s what she meant, it’s a sparrow. It’s not like it’s covered in spines. Maybe the bones are sharp? But she wouldn’t be eating those.

Where was I? Oh yes. Angst barrel. Evidently Blue Sue “couldn’t imagine being hungry ever again.”

…except for what Oakheart can give her, if you know what I mean.

“Her heard thudded and skittered”

And then it leapt out of her chest and ran away, being unable to take the bad writing anymore.

“The den was dark, despite the swollen moon.”

Aw, no magical green color changing? Also, how can the moon be swollen? That makes me think of a wound or a berry.

“She curled down in the moss, eyes wide, as her denmates settled around her. None of them seemed willing to end the celebrations.”

Until the elders came and yelled at them youngins’ to turn the music down, it was cracking their dentures.

“Were they going to talk about those wretched stones till dawn?”

I read stones as stoned at first, and wondered if Goosefeather was initiating more members into the cult.

And then we get this lovely contradiction:

“At last the den grew quiet. Gentle snores filled the air.”

If there’s snoring, it’s not quiet.

Blue Sue slips out, and there are “No signs of life.”

Of course, she killed everyone to ensure she could meet Oakheart. “No signs of movement” would have been a better term.

She slips past Adderfang, who apparently doesn’t notice. (Perhaps the plot leash stole his nose?)

Then we get a sudden Moment of Indecision, which sadly does not turn into the realm of sense and logic.

“She couldn’t believe what she was doing; betraying everything that had once been important to her. She was a traitor, and not just to herself. To her Clan. To the warrior code. What was she doing? She had to go back. Peering over the rock, she saw Adderfang returning to his post. There was no way she could retrace her steps without being seen. She had to go on.”

This is just NOW dawning on her? And had once? So everything she wouldn’t shut up about and how she must be leader to stop Thistleclaw from being violent just ceases to matter because of this random-sTaRrrzies (lolwhat? the censors gotcha) RiverClan warrior with questionable intentions? Gee, I’m glad I read 300 pages on a plot centered around that very thing and now get told the main character doesn’t give a flying crap anymore.

Whee!

And no, Blue Sue, you don’t “have to go on.” You can jolly well stay put there until morning and forget about the creepy tom who “loves” you. Or better yet, you can stroll back into camp and explain to Adderfang what you’re doing out there. I’m sure he’d love to hear it.

“Moonlight shone through the bare branches, making the forest floor glow.”

It illuminated a path of magic, wonder, and non-logic pointing straight to Oakheart.

“Had he waited?”

He passed the time thinking up progressively more questionable situations involving you, him, and a bush.

“Her heart rose in her throat (and suffocated her) when she reached the edge of the hollow…If Bluefur kept going, she would change the course of her life.”

Angst barrel 3, activate!

“For a moment she sensed the spirit of Snowfur.”

“If you let this tom into your pants (even if you don’t have any) I will kick you to the Dark Forest, sista!”

“Her sister’s scent drifted in the air as birch-smooth fur wreathed around her pelt. Snowfur was trying to tell her something.”

Naturally, the usual methods of communication involve wrapping around someone and clogging their nostrils. Gets the message across perfectly.

“What is it? Frustration surged through Bluefur’s pelt. Was Snowfur trying to stop her, or was she giving her blessing?”

Maybe “blessing” is another word for “condom”.

“I have to do this,” Bluefur whispered. “Please understand. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you (I just love Oakheart more), or that I’m not loyal to my Clan.”

I’m just loyal to my hormones more.