The Bluestar Diaries

[Cloud]

No, she should go kill off her BlunderClan relations in a special way. Then die in a special way.

[duckyaisha]

YESSSSKILLTHEMALLL

[Cloud]

AGHFFFFF. Sorry I have not been posting more diaries. I'm sure you're all deeply sad. /sarcasm Never fear, I will do more soon. o3o

[Cloud]

Chapter 4

“…Bluepaw looked around the clearing, feeling as tall as Highrock.”

Ahaha she’s a Na’vi. Since they’re blue and tall and look like kitties…eheh. X3

“Coldness crept under her pelt.”

A sneaky sucker it is.

““If you’re apprentices, I don’t see why I can’t be. I’m almost as big as you.”

There’s this thing called maturity that you lack in astounding amounts.

“Bluepaw felt a prickle of jealousy as Snowpaw caught up. She wanted the forest to herself.”

Brat.

And she and Snow and their mentors go out into the forest. Bluepaw is being all bratty about how Snowpaw is the first out there and how she’s resentful at being made to gather moss. Well, you little brat, how about Stonepelt makes you do advanced battle training and then you get killed injured because you’re totally inexperienced? Wouldn’t you like that as much as Cloudie would?

Then they get back and go to the elders’ den, and Mumblefoot (who shall henceforth be known as Muttering Toes) asks Bluepaw how it feels being an apprentice.

““Great!” she lied. At least it would be if I were hunting instead of collecting bedding. She pushed the thought away. This is important too, she reminded herself, still not entirely convinced.”

Bratpaw. That’s her new name.

“Stonepelt was already rootling”

Is rootling even a word?

“He didn’t even say thank you!”

I bet you wouldn’t have either.

“How ungrateful!”

Why Bratpaw, you've found a twin.

“Cheerfully Bluepaw took a bite of the thrush. The foresty flavor sang on her tongue”

Being descriptive is fine and all, but this just doesn’t make sense. Also, someone please explain to me what the adjective "foresty" means. Spell check denies that it is a word.

“She felt dizzy with happiness. She couldn’t wait till Snowpaw returned so she could tell her sister how much she’d learned. Being a ThunderClan apprentice was the best feeling in the world.”

Wait, what? Just a minute ago she was moaning about having to get moss and how ungrateful the elders were and how she wanted to be hunting. Random mood swing much?

[duckyaisha]

No, she's not cool enough to be a Na'vi.

I don't mind the singing on the tongue part (cuz that's personification and you /can/ use it when you write) as much as the use of the adjective foresty. Really? I'd expect foresty from a THIRD GRADER not an adult writer.

[Cloud]

"No, she's not cool enough to be a Na'vi."

True.

And yeah, the "foresty" adjective annoyed me too. I don't really mind the "sang" bit, but it made me think of that. xD Just like when Ten quoted Firepaw saying "As you wish." And she said, "But what he truly meant was, I love you." I recognized the Princess Bride reference. o3o

[Ten]

"YESSSSKILLTHEMALLL"
--
I first read that as "yessss kill the mall"
and was wondering what the mall had to do with this.


"Ahaha she’s a Na’vi.'
--
I didn't see her so much as a Na'vi as on drugs.
She is a blue cat, though.


"Was Adderfang right?"
--
About what?


"If you’re apprentices, I don’t see why I can’t be. I’m almost as big as you."
"So to Thistlekit, big=good. Not experience or tradition. Size."
--
Thistlekit is saying that it should be physical size, not age, that determines when a kit becomes an apprentice -- or at least that big kits should be apprenticed early.


"Bluepaw felt a prickle of jealousy as Snowpaw caught up. She wanted the forest to herself."
--
In a way I empathize with her because there are times when I'm enjoying a quiet moment alone. In another way this sentence sounds like she thinks she can own the whole territory herself.


"Wouldn’t you like that as much as Cloud would? /Ten moment"
--
mm, nah. Cloud moment.


" 'Great!' she lied. At least it would be if I were hunting instead of collecting bedding."
--
Ya lahwy, this isn't anyone who grows up to be Bluestar.
This is Jerkface all over again. His exact personality. Can't the Erins think up anything else?


"Is rootling even a word?"
--
I thought this said rooting before I saw the "l".
Rootling sounds like what you do when you stir noodles.


"The foresty flavor sang on her tongue"
--
How is the flavor foresty? Does it taste like leaves and dirt?


"Just a minute ago she was moaning about having to get moss and how ungrateful the elders were and how she wanted to be hunting. Random mood swing much?"
--
I'm thinking this was the point of the chapter: to show her progression from resenting her new duties to embracing them. Almost like character development. Of course, seeing as most kits are anxious to become apprentices, I'd think it'd go the other way around -- eager to preform apprentice tasks and then getting tired of them.


/is wearing her Princess Bride shirt

[Cloud]

"I first read that as "yessss kill the mall"
and was wondering what the mall had to do with this."

Kill the development of malls. Heaven knows we don't need any more.

"I didn't see her so much as a Na'vi as on drugs.
She is a blue cat, though."

XD

"About what?"

Adderfang said that Pinestar only made them apprentices to distract the clan from a WindClan threat, which makes no sense (long and boring story.) But because I'm silly, I put that in.

"Thistlekit is saying that it should be physical size, not age, that determines when a kit becomes an apprentice -- or at least that big kits should be apprenticed early."

Mmm.

"In a way I empathize with her because there are times when I'm enjoying a quiet moment alone. In another way this sentence sounds like she thinks she can own the whole territory herself."

It comes across more as the latter, though I understand the empathy.

"Ya lahwy, this isn't anyone who grows up to be Bluestar.
This is Jerkface all over again. His exact personality. Can't the Erins think up anything else?"

I'm convinced they can't. At least, nothing significantly different.

"I thought this said rooting before I saw the "l".
Rootling sounds like what you do when you stir noodles."

Mmm, noodles.

"How is the flavor foresty? Does it taste like leaves and dirt?"

inorite? It makes no sense.

"I'm thinking this was the point of the chapter: to show her progression from resenting her new duties to embracing them. Almost like character development. Of course, seeing as most kits are anxious to become apprentices, I'd think it'd go the other way around -- eager to preform apprentice tasks and then getting tired of them."

Exactly.

"/is wearing her Princess Bride t-shirt"

Right on.

[Cloud]

Chapter 5 A.K.A The Sueness Just Keeps Coming

“I’m going hunting!”

May you fail miserably, Bratpaw.

“Where was Stonepelt?”

Hiding from the bad writing.

Blah, she and Snowpaw’s mentors show up, they go hunting. They head through the forest, get to the Great Sycamore, Stonepelt (Bratpaw’s mentor) and Sparrowpelt (Snow’s mentor) give them hunting advice.

“the fur rippled along her spine.”

That’s it. I will now call all Hunter cats’ spine fur water because this is getting even more ridiculous. Spine fur bristles, stands up, or bushes out. It does not ripple. And it is most certainly not spiked.

They finish hunting practice after a while, and head for home. Guess what happens then?

For those of you who said Bratpaw catches something, you would be right. It’s a squirrel as big as she is. -_-

It gets better.

““I don’t remember any other apprentice catching prey on their first try.””

Would I be right in thinking that added with everything considering Bratpaw’s birth and development, AND this, that it just screams Sue a mile wide in neon red letters?

“A light breeze made the gorse barrier whisper in the moonlight, and the rising stars turned the dens silver.”

And the gorse said, “Let there be random color-changing.”

Anyway, it’s night now, and Bratpaw has been selected to go the Gathering. What a big surprise.

“Was she supposed to do something?”

OHNOEZ, action may be called for! Get over yourself. It’s a Gathering, you idiot.

Moonflower tells her how to behave at a Gathering, blah blah. Snoring is permitted.

Chapter ends with them departing for the Gathering.

The plot is hiding itself well. So are the interesting characters.

[Cloud]

Chapter 6

Snowpaw danced around Bluepaw”

You put your left paw in, you put your left paw out, you put your right paw in, you put your right paw out, you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!

“I might still be a kit if Pinestar hadn’t suddenly decided to make us apprentices.””

What? So, what she’s saying is that any time late in their fifth moon kits can be made apprentices, instead of right on the dot of their sixth moon? Methinks I smell some inconsistency…

So anyway, she’s back from the Gathering which was confusing and frightening and she hardly caught what was going on. Which is actually reasonable considering her age and experience, or rather the lack of it.

“like a nagging voice she couldn’t quite hear”

I would bet it’s mine. /sarcasm flag

““Everything seems to be happening so fast”

Nothin’s gonna change my world~

“and she shouldn’t be complaining”

GASP! Is there yet hope?!

“Bluepaw felt torn.”

You poor, poor thing. –plays the tiny violin-

“The small, mottled tabby”

Wait, what? We were told Sweetkit (who shall henceforth be known as Candy Cat) was a tortoiseshell.

“opened her mouth, her eyes wide with complaint, but Poppydawn silenced her.”

This is the rest of the sentence from “The small, mottled tabby” and it makes no sense. It doesn’t say that Candy Cat actually said anything, yet she was silenced? I’m confused.

“whisking Lionkit and Goldenkit out of the nest with her tail.”

It’s not a paw, it’s a tail. You are not a monkey, Speckletail.

““No,” Poppydawn meowed firmly. “True warriors don’t hide from the weather.””

They’re KITS, you moron. And you want to send them out in the cold and wind when they don’t want to go? What a good mother you are.

“her pale pelt tinged rose even in the silver moonlight”

Heatherstar of WindClan, the “pinkish gray” genetic freak of a cat.

““Destruction for us all!””

Goosefeather found a “sign” in a vole that Snowpaw just caught. The next chapter is one of my favorites.