Mes journals d'Eclipse (warriors book)

[Ten]

"What?"
--
Sokka didn't know what a guru was. He thought it was some sort of poisonous fish. I don't remember if it was in an episode or a fan edited it later to show something like a thought bubble with a pufferfish.


"someday I'll watch the rest of that epic show."
--
Make that soon.


“..anger flaring in his belly.”
--
Oh yeah. When I'm angry, those gastric juices blaze up somethin' awful.


"If Tigerstar wished to turn himself into a gassy ball of fire in space I don’t think he’d be able to do it."
--
Now hang on. Tigerstar's in the Dark Forest.

[Cloud]

"Sokka didn't know what a guru was. He thought it was some sort of poisonous fish. I don't remember if it was in an episode or a fan edited it later to show something like a thought bubble with a pufferfish."

I see.

"Make that soon"

Yes ma'am. -salutes- I should re-watch the whole thing just so I have it straight. It'll take a while, but I shall do it eventually.

"Oh yeah. When I'm angry, those gastric juices blaze up somethin' awful."

-snorts- That makes it sound like Ten's digestive system functions more efficiently when she's mad. Ridiculous. Thank goodness for sarcasm.

"Now hang on. Tigerstar's in the Dark Forest."

True. Many wonders are possible there. Such as intelligence in dead cats. Occasionally.

[duckyaisha]

The biggest wonder is that of a Thunderclan born cat being intelligent there. *GASP*

---
Sokka didn't know what a guru was. He thought it was some sort of poisonous fish. I don't remember if it was in an episode or a fan edited it later to show something like a thought bubble with a pufferfish.
---

I see now!

[Cloud]

Guess what? This is the third-to-last chapter.

Chapter 23

“Hollypaw’s pelt felt spiky against his.”

Now I’m thinking she has chestnut shells for fur.

“He sensed hatred shooting from his brother like a shaft of light, and, concentrating harder, he realized he could follow its path into the defensive cluster of WindClan cats.”

Two things wrong with this. One: He shouldn’t be able to do this anyway. But we already knew that. Two: Why does he need to do all the following of his brother’s hate beam or whatever the flip it is? Can’t he read minds? It should be easy for him to go “Ohey, my bro’s hating on his ex. Who knew?”

Because, naturally, it is Heatherpaw he’s hating. Because he thinks she told WindClan about the tunnels. We’re not sure if she did or if it was one of the kits they rescued in Dark River. Who cares.

“..her faint honey scent.”

Sir Idiot is describing Heather, o’course, but this bit confuses me. Why would she smell like honey? She’s not a meddie apprentice. Regular apprentices don’t go near honey that much, so why would she smell of it? Do WindClan cats have cologne now?

““ShadowClan will no longer attend Gatherings.” An astonished silence fell on the clearing. Whatever the other cats had been expecting, this wasn’t it.”

I’m sure there’s a snarky comment to be made here but for the life of me I can’t think of it.

““We no longer believe StarClan hold all the answers.”

Honest to java, INTELLIGENCE! INTELLIGENCE! ALLIELUJAH!- dances-

“Hollypaw gasped. “Does he think beliefs can chosen like prey from the fresh-kill pile?” Her pelt seared Jaypaw’s where they touched.”

Oh, the horror, Holly. -_- Heaven forbid someone believe differently than you. She sounds like some stupid zealot. No, wait. She IS some stupid zealot.

And yes, folks, her pelt is burning Jaypaw’s. Gosh, that must stink. Literally.

“What is he doing with ShadowClan?”

Something ‘bad’, I bet.

“As Blackstar and Sol swished away through the ferns…”

I pictured them belly dancing. Now there’s a disturbing image.

““Who was he?”

Referencing Sol here. My response: YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. –totally stole that from Mulan-

““Where did he come from?””

THE PITS OF HECK. No. That was Cloud being dramatic and failing. Um….east of the sun and west of the moon good enough for ya?

“..pelts sparking with fear..”

Zzzt. FEAR! AAAH! Zzt.

““We are three Clans now.”

Poor ShadowClan, shunned are they.

“No cat challenged her, tried to say that she was wrong, that their faith was worth fighting for.”

Leopardstar said was it so surprising that Blackstar lost faith because troubling things have happened and StarClan hasn’t done anything? She makes a good point. And personally I think no cat stepped forward to say their faith was worth fighting for because it ISN’T. It’s an insult to faiths.

““They can’t stop believing in StarClan!”

..they just did. ?

(believing in StarClan, o'course) “That’s what Clans do!”

…is it really so important? Clans do lots of other things that are more important, believing in StarClan is far the only one and far from necessary. My made-up Clan, MarshClan, doesn’t and they get along fine.

““Does that mean you’re going to give up StarClan too?” Fury flashed from Hollypaw so fiercely that Jaypaw wondered for an instant if he was going to lunge at Lionpaw.”

Snore. Lion reminded her StarClan didn’t predict the sun vanishing, blah, she’s mad at him because HOW DARE HE CRITICIZE TEH CODE AND STALKERCLAN? Btw, fury flashing fiercely? Try saying that five times fast. That must be dang ugly. Poor Lionpaw, such a sight for his young and tender eyes.

Hollypaw’s fury needs to put des vetements on. French for ‘some clothes’ for those who are wondering.

“The lake whispered on the shore.”

The joys of schizophrenia.

“Broken moonlight shimmered on the surface of the lake. He could see it. I must be dreaming.”

No duh. Wait, he was walking and then he was sleepwalking? What?

“Her breath fouled the air…”

The hate, it never ends.

“Was StarClan admitting defeat without even trying to fight for ShadowClan?”

Wait, fight for ShadowClan? What are they fighting for ShadowClan? Sol?

No, I don’t get it either. Maybe he means to fight OVER ShadowClan’s beliefs.

“StarClan has surrendered.”

To who? Sol?

(right after StarClan has surrendered line) “Their end is drawing near.”

OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNIN’, OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAAAAAAY~

I GOTTA BEAUTIFUL FEELIN’, EVRY’THIN’S GOIN’ MY WAAAAAY~

-coughs-

[Ten]

"Do WindClan cats have cologne now?"
--
It might sell well, if it didn't make me think of a family of farts.


"I pictured them belly dancing."
--
/laughed


"Where did he come from?"
--
Where'dja come from, where'dja go? Where'dja come from, Cotton-eyed Joe?


"..pelts sparking with fear.."
--
So that explains Willowshine...


"Wait, he was walking and then he was sleepwalking? What?"
--
He's walking in his dream...?
How is the moonlight "broken"?

[Cloud]

"It might sell well, if it didn't make me think of a family of farts."

-snorts- Forest of Flatulence, remember?

"/laughed"

! -proud of herself for making Ten laugh-

" Where'dja come from, where'dja go? Where'dja come from, Cotton-eyed Joe?"

I love that dance. I can do it fairly well.

"So that explains Willowshine..."

xD Yeah.

"He's walking in his dream...?
How is the moonlight "broken"?"

It can sorta look broken if the waves are crashing where the moon is reflected on the water and the whiteness on the water is in different places. That's why I let that one slide.

[Cloud]

Chapter 24, Part 1

Lionpaw is dreaming, and he’s dreaming of being enveloped by a load of blood that “buffeted him against rough stone walls.”

“Help!”

…me if you can, I’m feelin’ doo-oowwwn, and I do appreciate you bein’ rooo-oouund, help me get my feet back on the gro-oouund, oh won’t you please, please help me…

And now he ends up back in the cave underground where he and Heather used to play. Her body is lying there. Ooh.

“She was already dead.”

Heatherpaw. Of course.

“She had caused the battle that had made the sun vanish.”

Um..I find this incorrect in a number of ways. First off Heatherpaw MAY have told about the tunnels, or it may have been Sedgekit who did. Or another one of the kits. Also, it was Onestar who decided to attack ThunderClan, not her. And how did the battle make the sun vanish anyway? How are you so sure? I thought no one knew for sure why the sun vanished.

[Ten]

"I thought no one knew for sure why the sun vanished."
--
The orbit of the moon coincided with that of the sun for that moment in time.
It's a natural occurrence. StarClan wouldn't have the power to do that anyway.

[Cloud]

Chapter 24, Part 2

“…gouging furrows in the stone with his claws.”

Because cats’ claws are just so much harder than solid rock.

“I am more powerful than StarClan!”

Sorry, that’s not impressive, F for you.

“Millie was coughing in the nursery, her kits mewling while Daisy tried to soothe them. “It’s all right, my sweets.””

While I know that’s a term of affection, it doesn’t stop me imagining Millie’s kits as fuzzy chocolates with ears and tails.

“We can’t risk taking anything for granted.””

Besides your Clan’s stupidity, Leafsue.

“…stern looks Leafpool was flashing at her…”

I hope ThunderClan’s store of money for Leafsue’s drugs also pays for all the public nudity offenses they commit. No, on second thought, I hope it doesn’t and they all get sued.

Failstar tells them all about what happened at the Gathering: Only Blackstar and Sol came, they announced ShadowClan didn’t believe in StarClan anymore, etc. Everybody is deeply shocked. Cloud is sitting here wondering why they’re all so deeply shocked. StarClan didn’t have any answers, did they? This was discussed at (relatively) great length.

“…turning their backs on StarClan.” Mousewhisker looked puzzled. “What do you mean?””

I think it’s kind of obvious what it means or (a) the Erins needed to add to their word count or (b) Mousewhisker is as dumb as his mother.

“StarClan have never let us down before.”

And Cloud’s snort was so great it might have woken her mother up.

“Remember how the sun disappeared? But then it came back again, as warm as ever.”

Mmm…for some reason I’m reminded of how BlunderClan has brief moments of intelligence, but then they all go back to being lame and dumb and blundering as ever.

“Was he ready for such power? Did he even deserve it?”

I think we all know the answer to this, and it is about as obvious as my disgust for who says it. (Lionpaw, o'course)

[Cloud]

Guess what? No, really, guess what? IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER. WHEE. -throws confetti- Thank you all, my poor loyal Starless people, for providing such fun to read responses and stuffs.

I'm doing Long Shadows after this, and then Sunrise, and that's it for the main series because I promised Ten I wouldn't get any more warriors books. I want to keep that promise.

However, I have Bluestar's Prophecy and Code of the Clans. Fun times are ahead, I'm sure.

ANYWAY.

Chapter 25 a.k.a Creativity Doesn't Cut It

""Even if it affects all the Clans?" Sandstorm demanded."

She's asking about Blackstar's decision to not believe in StarClan, and frankly I don't see how it affects the Clans so much. Well, I do, but naturally I think they're stupid for thinking belief in StarClan is so important. But as we all know, logic is most frowned upon in Erinland.

"Jaypaw envied his sister's faith. And her ignorance."

-snorts- You really want to be as idiotic as Holly, Sir Idiot? You really don't need to lose any more brain cells.

"What good news?" (italic)

That you all die horrible deaths. No, but I would like that.

"Brackenfur darted over to Hollypaw and smoothed her fur with his tail."

Woah now. Stepping into Leafsue's...er...pawsteps, are we?

"Squirrelflight was shining with happiness."

...oh dear Gar, they really are vampires. x-x

"It was a long time since he imagined he could be a warrior. But the dream had never left him."

Oh, please. Get over yourself, you whiny brat. You get to have all this uber special power as a medicine cat, you get to be good at what you do, and you STILL HAVEN'T FLIPPING LET GO OF THAT? e.e My geez, I hate him. Hate. Him.

"Lionpaw flicked Jaypaw's ear with his tail."

And just when Cloud thought she was safe, they returned.

"Warmth glowed from her pelt..."

Gah. Really. Someone shoot her. Mousefur, I mean.

""Hollypaw, from this moment you shall be known as Hollyleaf.""

"Hollypaw, from this moment you shall be known as Plantgirl."

""StarClan honors your thoughtfulness and loyalty.""

"StarClan honors your incestyness and stupid zealotry."

""Lionpaw, you shall be known as Lionblaze.""

Another zombie horse. -_-

""StarClan honors your courage and skill in battle.""

"StarClan honors your arrogance and bloodthirst."

"The time of the Clans was coming to an end, and he, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf were the only ones who could save them."

Ooh last sentence such drama. /sarcasm Points if you saw something like that coming.

Cloud doubts this is true. Probably because she's read two books after this, but also because the Clans are showing no sign of ending soon. Signs of them ending soon (like them all disbanding are almost all the cats dying) would be present somehow. Political unrest, severe lack of prey, signs of bad illness, etc. Societies don't just randomly collapse; there's always a reason. Great Depression, etc.

What have we learned?

-The Erins' naming style has further collapsed.
-Tortie toms are allowed with increasing regularity and do not have the medical issues that are apparent in them.
-The main characters suck even more.
-Firestar is a zombie, a horse, and a bat.
-Cat body language is wrong, wrong, wrong. At least the stuff in here is.

What has changed? (from The Sight)

-ShadowClan not believing in StarClan
-the X gene is more common.
-they've all turned into vampires.

All in all, I think the only thing that could save these books is not Teh Three, but an urgent infusion of good writing. Alas, it does not happen.

Tune in next time for: Long Shadows, the book after this one.

Brought to you by the keyboard of Cloud.