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Post by duckyaisha on Mar 27, 2010 18:58:14 GMT -5
Oh sorry, I thought you meant judging people based on their religion. Not the other way around.
But I don't judge religions based on their followers.
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Post by Cloud on Mar 28, 2010 19:42:00 GMT -5
"Agnostics are people who aren't sure if a god exists or not."
Oh well I'm agnostic then. xD
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Post by Cloud on Apr 1, 2010 23:36:25 GMT -5
Chapter 9, Part 1
“her round gaze hardened”
Nothing wrong with it; it just makes me think of a wheel of cheese. If cat eyes were Brie or Cheddar.
“Swiftbreeze flashed Snowpaw a look”
Poor Snowpaw, her innocence has been spoiled.
“her tail was whipped up over her back by the wind”
Is this even possible? It sounds ridiculous.
“Fur, heavy with flesh, flew in clumps”
Either those cats are made of stuffing, Velcro and are marionettes or Cloud is missing something here, because as far as she knows, things like that don’t happen in cat fights.
“There!”
Is nothing of interest.
“He twisted suddenly”
But never slowly, oh no. The Erins don’t pay him to do that.
Anyway, Bluepaw went to the WindClan camp to help fetch back Leopardpaw, and she’s watching cats fight. It took about the Erins about two pages to say that.
“claws ripped hunks of fur from his pelt”
…this sounds ridiculous. It sounds like he’s getting an extreme haircut, er, furcut.
“ground around them ran red”
Ground ran red? I would understand if it was a river, but the ground doesn’t run. Saying it was stained red would be better.
“opponent whirling away”
Like a pretty flower fairy in the breeze. /sarcasm
“The tabby let out an agonized shriek that pierced Bluepaw’s belly.”
I’d be thinking it’s her ears it would pierce, not her stomach. Unless she’s a mutant and hears from her digestive system.
And they finally go down in the clearing of WindClan’s camp to collect Leopardpaw. After our page’s worth’ description. Wow.
Swiftbreeze shows that she is Supercat by picking up her daughter (Leopardpaw) who is a full-fledged apprentice (at least ten moons or so) by the scruff.
Well I think that speaks for itself.
“the scent of blood and fear and torn fur.”
I can understand how blood and fear would have scents, but torn fur? Why would it smell any different than regular fur?
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Post by duckyaisha on Apr 2, 2010 5:31:16 GMT -5
“Fur, heavy with flesh, flew in clumps”
Cats don't really remove flesh and fur...It's more like tearing large gashes.
"…this sounds ridiculous. It sounds like he’s getting an extreme haircut, er, furcut. "
I agree. And it would be almost impossible for him to get all that fur taken off and not get long scratches down his side.
“The tabby let out an agonized shriek that pierced Bluepaw’s belly.”
When I first heard this, I thought the tabby sliced her belly open.
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Post by Cloud on Apr 2, 2010 7:51:00 GMT -5
Sonic blasts, Ducky, sonic blasts. xD
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Post by Ten on Apr 2, 2010 9:59:48 GMT -5
"Is this even possible? It sounds ridiculous." -- Tails are heavier than they are wide, so I'm thinking it's not. "Fur, heavy with flesh, flew in clumps" -- What. The. Heck? They're gouging clumps of flesh off each other? This makes me think of that PBS show, Between the Lions. It had a little segment called "What's cooking? ...With Theo and Cleo!" At the end, they always decide to skip the cooking/baking and just eat the meat, which flies everywhere in little bits. "He twisted suddenly" -- I understand that they're using the word "suddenly" to make it seem as though the twisting is happening faster. However, the addition on another word makes the event that much longer to read, so it has to happen slower. "I’d be thinking it’s her ears it would pierce, not her stomach." -- hm... Two possibilities here. She's standing over him, so that the sound vibrations go straight to her belly, or Erin Hunter's trying to say that the noise gave her some sort of queasy feeling. "And they finally go down in the clearing of WindClan’s camp to collect Leopardpaw." -- For what? "I can understand how blood and fear would have scents, but torn fur? Why would it smell any different than regular fur?" -- It wouldn't. I'm thinking Erin told herself, "Okay, since most writers forget to include imagery based on anything but sight," -- yes, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures can be imagery -- "I'll be clever and describe the smells of the battle. Let's see... what stuff do you get in a battle? Blood... fear... torn fur... Those will be the smells." "Cats don't really remove flesh and fur...It's more like tearing large gashes." -- They do remove fur, though... sort of. When cats are afraid, it's hard to explain, but their fur loosens and tufts of it will come out at the slightest touch (though not enough to leave bald spots, and flesh doesn't come off with it). This sort of thing happens when you're at the vet and your cat hates him. Anyone who tries to hold the cat down gets their hands furred. |
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Post by Cloud on Apr 3, 2010 23:27:55 GMT -5
"Tails are heavier than they are wide, so I'm thinking it's not."
Take that, Erins.
And I watched that show when I was little. Loved it. Especially when they'd go, "Should we cook it? NAH!" And just start eating everything. It entertained me to no end. However, I always wondered why they kept on showing it since it was the pretty much the same every time, amusing though it was. I was an observant little child.
As for the flesh being gouged out, all I can say is that I salute the Erins. Their stupidity has now exceeded Eragon's.
"I understand that they're using the word "suddenly" to make it seem as though the twisting is happening faster. However, the addition on another word makes the event that much longer to read, so it has to happen slower."
I love your logic skills, Ten.
"For what?"
She got injured....just like everyone else. She is an apprentice, but she must be at least ten moons old. Why does she get special attention?
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Post by Cloud on Apr 3, 2010 23:33:58 GMT -5
Chapter 9, Part 2
“I was born a warrior!”
No, you were born a kit. A freak of nature kit, but still a kit.
“..Swiftbreeze’s teeth sunk into her tail and dragged her back.”
As Christopher Paolini walked by, he congratulated the Erins on how they had reached his level of fail.
“Suddenly Pinestar’s call rose above the screeching of battle.”
That “suddenly” was not needed. -.-
Anyway, Pinestar orders his Clan to retreat, and of course everyone goes still. If I were a WindClan cat I wouldn’t pay any attention to him and would go on beating the crap out of whoever I was fighting. They invaded my camp and are trying to destroy my medicine supplies. They deserve no mercy. Well, not much mercy.
““StarClan would have never let you win.””
Not so sure about that, considering whom their favorites are. But hey, maybe things were actually fair back then before Pansy came with his stuness to the forest. Although what StarClan has to do with the fighting anyway I don’t know. It’s not like they’re there.
And Moonflower dies. Are we sad she was killed by the medicine cat? Somewhat. We never really knew her.
“She still smelled like Moonflower, of softness and the nursery.”
Softness doesn’t have a smell. O-o?
“..the sun rested on the tops of the trees, turning them pink.
Because in Erinland, the sun is maaaaagical. /sarcasm
“laid his tail on Bluepaw’s shoulders.”
Woah now. I guess Sunfall’s getting...desiring.
Anyway, they go home.
Moonflower’s body is rubbed down with herbs before the vigil for some random reason.
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Post by duckyaisha on Apr 4, 2010 7:30:24 GMT -5
“..the sun rested on the tops of the trees, turning them pink."
Okay, there are only a few times when objects change color because of lighting. In nighttime, everything is a darker version of its original color, or it's black, depending on how much moonlight it's receiving. If the moon is shining directly on an object, it's only a tad darker than it would be in daytime.
The other time when things change color- when you change the lighting. The pool I swim in has lights on the ceiling and lights in the pool. When there's light coming in through the windows, only the ceiling lights are on, and the pool's bottom is a grayish-blue color. When it's the early morning or late night, the pool's lights turn on, and the bottom of the pool turns bright white. However, this involves artificial lighting and has nothing to do with Warriors.
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Post by Ten on Apr 4, 2010 13:54:11 GMT -5
"Softness doesn’t have a smell."
--
Mixing up the senses is an actual literary technique. It's called synaesthesia. F. Scott Fitzgerald used it when he described "yellow music". It can be cool, but it's hard to pull off if you haven't already established that you're a skilled writer.
"..the sun rested on the tops of the trees, turning them pink."
--
People have tried to justify the moon turning things silver, but how would anyone defend that?
"Moonflower’s body is rubbed down with herbs before the vigil for some random reason."
--
Embalming...?
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