Mes journals d'Eclipse (warriors book)

[Cloud]

"They could have asked Firestar for food and he'd have given it to them. Diplomatic fail.
Anyway, why didn't they expand their territory in the other direction? Were the dogs/humans/whatevers just now starting to frighten prey, and not before, when the Clans were picking a territory? Why is that?"

Why for a random plot of course! I guess the Erins thought there hadn't been a huge battle in a while so they threw one in.


"Whoa, what?"

It's in this short online story called The Clans Decide. I can't find a link to it, though I've read it. It's pretty funny.

[Cloud]

Chapter 13

“She glanced up. No starlight glittered through the leaves, and clouds had hidden the moon.”

Though it was first stated as moonless night, the moon has amazingly shown up in the sky again. Dunno why. Maybe it was attracted by the Three’s uber special powers?

“She sniffed the air, her heart racing as she tried to picture where she was. This was how Jaypaw must feel all the time.”

This is so discriminatory and incorrect I can’t even describe it.

“Hollypaw could only just make out his shadow in the darkness.”

No. Just no. This makes no sense whatsoever.

“And Firestar would never have been able to save ThunderClan-to save all the Clans-if Bluestar hadn’t taken him in as a kittypet all those moons ago. Why did the other Clans make such a fuss about it? Because the warrior code rejects kittypets, loners, and rogues. As the grim answer flashed in Hollypaw’s mind, the ground seemed to rock between her paws. Her Clan had been ignoring the warrior code forever!”

1. We keep on hearing about how Firestar has saved all the Clans. How exactly has he done that? The battle against BloodClan is commonly used as an example. However, any other leader could’ve united the Clans and killed Scourge just like he did. And also, the other Clans don’t make a fuss about that specifically, as far as I can see they make a fuss about him being a kittypet. Logicfail.

2. No freaking duh, Holly. You just realized this? Exactly how dumb are you? You grew up with these cats, knew their origins, and NOW this is such a shock to you? Ooh such drama. No.


“Before Brambleclaw disappeared beneath a fury of pelts…”

Note: I’m not commenting on the fighting because so much of it is ridiculous that I would waste time pointing out all the flaws. Plus Ten has already done an admirable job of doing this. Much of the fighting here is similar to what is described in The Sight.

Fury of pelts. Fury. Mass or swarm or something would’ve been better, it describes the number and size. Fury just makes me think that the pelts he’s disappearing under are angry, instead of the cats themselves. The WindClan cats’ pelts are very mad that he’s disappearing under them. He has violated their space. They’re all, “DON’TCHU BE GOING IN MAH PERSONAL BUBBLE, MAN. OR WE SUFFOCATE JOO.”

“She slid through the shadows along the Twoleg path…”

Now I’m thinking that shadows are making up a slide. Wheeee. Tangible shadows, fun fun fun. If there were any. I don’t think just starlight is enough for shadows in woods with no other light source. Anyone who has seen differently, please tell me.

“A few Twoleg nests rustled in the breeze…”

Solid houses? I don’t think so. Unless they’re reeeally drafty.

[Cloud]

Chapter 14

““Waiting is worse than fighting.” Ferncloud growled.”

Mmm…I guess. I can see how the suspense could be kind of agonizing. I don’t think it’s worse, though, because in the fighting you actually get hurt.

“Brambles swished.”

And they did the hokey pokey and they turned themselves around, ‘cause mocking is what it’s about! Yay!

““I’m not going to let myself get hurt.” I’m too important for that to happen.”

I think this sentence speaks for itself. And we’re supposed to like him. e-e

“Screeching a battle cry, he shot forward with claws unsheathed and sank them into the glossy pelt in front of him.”

It’s just so intelligent to let your enemy know you’re there before you strike.

“Why are they trying to drive us out of our home?”

Because you all fail massively.

“The air began to taste warm. Dawn must be on its way.”

Erm….taste warm? I guess it’s ok, though I think he’d feel it rather than taste it.

“All four Clans were fighting, and StarClan had told him nothing.”

It’s a sign that they fail even more massively than BlunderClan does. Hopefully someone will realize this.

[Cloud]

Chapter 15

“She crouched, trembling, in front of him as he padded toward her, rage darkening his vision until all he could see was her round, frightened eyes.”

So. First off, Mosspelt is very, very stupid. Why doesn’t she beeping leap at him and catch him off guard instead of sitting there like a useless lump? Plus, she’s an experienced warrior, and she’s bigger than him. She should be kicking his butt. Literally. Ohnowait…I forgot Lionpaw is Uber Speshul and everyone knows how Uber Speshul he is so they sit there waiting for him to wipe the table with them instead of running because of course it’s hopeless. Sure.

Rage darkening his vision? Does he suffer from the Bloodwrath like some of the Redwall badgers do? If not this makes no sense. Anger doesn’t darken your vision. If it did I’d go blind in French class since my classmates annoy me all to H-E-double hockeysticks. Possibly he’s on some very special mushrooms.

Anyway…third point. Why he can only see her eyes? That’s cursed unhelpful if you ask me. So…his vision decreases when he’s angry. Whoo. Great for all the fighting he does, eh?

“Mosspelt darted past him and disappeared into the trees.”

Wait…weren’t we just told he was walking up to her? Why would she need to go past him? Did she randomly teleport or something? Or does she have a double? Ahhh, the fun time spent figuring out the mysteries of Erinland.

“Mousewhisker’s eye was closed and swollen to the size of an apple.”

Even for a swelled eye, that’s pretty freaking huge. Unless apples in Erinland are far smaller than average. Or Mousewhisker is another mutant. Really, I’m starting to think the warrior cats have the possibility of the X-gene.

“His claws itched to be fighting again.”

Orlynao, Lionpaw? Why at the beginning of the battle didn’t you just hurl yourself into the fight if you love it so much? Or are you more bloodthirsty now than you were later? Mrr….that gets me thinking that he’s a vampire. In fact….OMG! Of course he’s a vampire! We already knew Stpehanie Meyer had infiltrated BlunderClan with shininess. But here is proof she had someone bite Lionpaw! He’s super strong and super fast! And likes blood! Why, it all makes sense now!

……eh heh. But it’s no less logical than the books themselves.

Wait. His claws? His claws? This once again proves that in Erinland, cats’ body parts have minds of their own. Beep it all.

“..his dark pelt rippling as he sped through the undergrowth.”

A rippling pelt. Really. Well either Ashfur has Body Builder muscles, a wave machine built into his body (not content with mutants, the Erins started making cyborgs) or fur made of water. Ohey maybe his pelt’s made of some that magical fur that the lake is made up of. That would totally explain it.

“Behind them Heatherpaw reared up on her hind legs, her blue eyes wide with shock. Lionpaw lunged at her and grasped her scruff between his teeth.”

I decided to give this little fighting bit mention because it’s even more stupid and impossible than usual. So….let’s pretend that cats rear up to fight. Hard, but envision able. Cats’ scruffs are on the backs of their necks. Lionpaw is leaping towards her in front of her. So…let’s imagine he has pownful karate and aerobics skills. It’s STILL really diffcult to imagine that he could leap towards her, turn around in midair, and land behind her grasping her scruff. But of course, he is an Uber Special vampiric kitty, so I guess he can. -_-

“What have I become?”

An uber-stu instead of a regular stu. Ain’t it obvious?

Update: He almost killed Crowfeather. Pity he didn’t. So NOW, FINALLY, after damaging a cat he hates, he’s feeling remorse. No worrying about the other poor kitties who get whipped by him, some of whom did almost get killed. No, he’s feeling bad because he almost murdered his dad. Without a doubt this is some clever foreshadowing. /sarcasm

“Suddenly the light changed.”

ZOMIGAWD! Of course, it happened “suddenly” so it must be important. Heaven forbid anything happen gradually or slowly.

And the eclipse happens. Hence the title of the book lest we forget. I put it in because without a doubt I’ll refer to it later. It’s got lots of fancy description and stuffs, so we know it’s important.

[Ten]

"his shadow in the darkness."
--
Must mean his silhouette.


"How exactly has he done that?"
--
Good question.


"Her Clan had been ignoring the warrior code forever!"
--
Not forever, or even for all of its existence, as far as we know, no?


"I don’t think just starlight is enough for shadows in woods with no other light source."
--
No other light source? Yeah, that'd be plumb dark. If the clouds are thin, though, some of the reappearing moon could shine through.


"A few Twoleg nests rustled in the breeze…"
--
In areas where the recession has hit the hardest, some people find themselves living in literal nests of twigs and foliage.


"I don’t think it’s worse, though, because in the fighting you actually get hurt."
--
No no, she's in ThunderClan.

Now if these cats had actual battles with actual blood and gore and death, as depicted in war movies like the one I watched this week, there's no way any sort of waiting could be worse than fighting.


"I’m too important for that to happen."
--
Wow.


"It’s just so intelligent to let your enemy know you’re there before you strike."
--
Some people take a while to catch on that guerrilla warfare is where it's at. Learning about history, I kept expecting the Brits in the Seven Years War to stop going around with drums and bright red coats in the middle of a forest thick with an enemy tribe's warriors. Silly me.


"Erm….taste warm?"
--
I can smell when food is warm, but I've never noticed air "tasting" warm in warmer temperatures. Is it a cat thing?


"Rage darkening his vision?"
--
I don't know about rage, but when people get scared, sometimes they get "tunnel vision" -- they loose their peripheral vision and only see what's in front of them.


"Why, it all makes sense now!"
--
That it does.


"A rippling pelt."
--
Waves of fat.


"Lionpaw is leaping towards her in front of her."
--
Does it say he's in front?

[Cloud]

"Must mean his silhouette"

Must, or it wouldn't make sense.

"Not forever, or even for all of its existence, as far as we know, no?"

Mmm, yeah. I should've pointed that out too. I think it's just since Failstar came to power.

"No other light source? Yeah, that'd be plumb dark. If the clouds are thin, though, some of the reappearing moon could shine through."

Mmm...ok, they get away with this one. Barely. Only because the moon magically teleported back. So they don't, really.

"In areas where the recession has hit the hardest, some people find themselves living in literal nests of twigs and foliage."

Fair point, though I don't think the Recession is going on in Erinland. The twolegs are just there to do evil things and be obstacles.

"No no, she's in ThunderClan.

Now if these cats had actual battles with actual blood and gore and death, as depicted in war movies like the one I watched this week, there's no way any sort of waiting could be worse than fighting."

Exactly. ThunderClan kitties get way less injuries than they should. And in real life, cats arch their backs and their tails bush out when they fight. They usually roll around in a screaming bundle madly thrashing. Or so I've been lead to believe.

"I can smell when food is warm, but I've never noticed air "tasting" warm in warmer temperatures. Is it a cat thing?"

Must be.

"I don't know about rage, but when people get scared, sometimes they get "tunnel vision" -- they loose their peripheral vision and only see what's in front of them."

Mm. He's definitely not afraid, though.

"Waves of fat"

I got this really funny image of a super fat cat's body vibrating. xD though waves of fat would make it hard to hunt/battle, methinks.

"Does it say he's in front?"

Pretty much, Also, how would he be looking at her eyes if he wasn't in front?

[Ten]

"Fair point"
--
You know I was being sarcastic, right?


"Also, how would he be looking at her eyes if he wasn't in front?"
--
Eyes in the back of her head, of course.
Perhaps not all the narration is limited to his knowledge.

[Cloud]

"You know I was being sarcastic, right?"

I do. I know I didn't sound like it but I did know.

"Eyes in the back of her head, of course.
Perhaps not all the narration is limited to his knowledge."

Mmm. I don't really know on that one. I guess not.

[Cloud]

Chapter 16

“Fear flashed from Leafpool’s pelt.”

Following this scandalous event were shrieks and paws covering the faces of youth nearby.

“Why can’t I see?”

This is just a totally random and wild guess, but I’d say you’re blind.


Chapter 17, Part 1

“..Hollypaw wanted to tell the tiny kit, not sure he was old enough to understand.”

She’s referring to Briarkit, who was earlier described as female. Sooo…either the Erins have the memory span of me a particularly brain-dead goldfish, or surgical operations in Erinland are far more advanced than we thought.

Poor Briarkit, how traumatizing. Snobface is apparently not a very good mother. But then, I think we all knew she wasn’t going to exactly be the parent award winner of ‘09.

“Daisy shut her eyes as he careered right towards Graystripe.”

This is Toadkit she’s talking about here, and besides the obvious idiocies of a) Daisy and b) her son, either that’s a typo or Toadkit is…wait. Mental image forming here.

Ah ha! I’m envisioning Toadkit the living paint blob going through papers full of job descriptions, making telephone calls for interviews, and making notes on post-its.

And if you believed he was doing that you’d believe Ten’s never given a piece of criticism in her life and the earth is made of cotton candy.

““He thinks it’s just an adventure.” She sighed. “Perhaps it’s better that he does.” Graystripe took Briarkit from Millie and followed Daisy into the nursery.”

While I suppose this is Graystripe trying to be…um…something, I’m also wondering if he wants Toadkit to be deluded.

“Longtail ran his tail gently over him.”

I pointed this one out because it’s actually possible, (though still unlikely if these were real cats) considering Bumblekit (who is having Longtail’s tail rub him in a still somewhat creepy way) is a kit not even a week old.

“Hollypaw nodded a greeting…”

I guess nodding can count as a greeting, but cats don’t often do it (at least not that I’ve observed) but…seeing it say “she nodded a greeting” instead of “she nodded in greeting” makes me think that somehow that while Hollypaw was nodding words appeared in the air saying “Hi, how’s it going?”

“..the sand around Squirrelflight was stained dark red. Blood.”

No, it’s melted cherries that smell funny. What do you think it is, Holly? And why are the Erins having her think “blood” like we’re morons? I think we’ve all been shown (in many ways) what blood is and does.

““You’re hurt!” Her tiredness forgotten, she darted to her mother’s side and sniffed at her pelt.”

Once again displaying to us how when cats are hurt, Holly doesn’t do the sensible thing (run for the medicine cat right away so she can help said bleeding cat which is her freaking [supposed] MOTHER) but says and does something completely useless and stupid. My hero. /very heavy sarcasm

“Leafpool was squatting at the far side of the clearing, chewing herbs.”

Druggie. –shuns Leafsue-

“Sandstorm gasped. “Why hasn’t this been seen to?””

Because your daughter and granddaughter are brainless amoebae disguised as cats.

Blah blah, Squirrelflight has a scene where Druggie gets cobwebs and puts them over her slash wound running from her chest to the top of her hind leg. Wonder how she got that one. I’m assuming she was asleep or paralyzed at time. Maybe she’d already been heavily wounded…but it doesn’t remark about any other marks on her body. This also leaves the question of how she got back to camp with a wound that freaking huge and blood-pouring.

This is here because I know I’ll refer to it. And how stupid it is.

[Ten]

"I guess nodding can count as a greeting,"
--
It's pretty gangster.


"And why are the Erins having her think 'blood' like we’re morons?"
--
Because we are.


"sniffed at her pelt."
--
That's just funny. "Oh my, you're in trouble? Let me sniff your hair."


"Leafpool was squatting at the far side of the clearing, chewing herbs."
--
Herbs that come in a round tin container.


"Wonder how she got that one."
--
Ran up against a sawmill?