Post by Ten on Oct 11, 2009 12:54:51 GMT -5
I've posted these on Warriors Wish and decided that, since a few of you enjoyed my previous journals, I'd post them here too.
Ten's Warrior Journals: The Sight
Some have disagreed with Ten's conclusions after rereading Into the Wild, so she has decided to read the first book in the third series, The Sight, with two main questions in mind. What has changed? What has remained the same? Please note that Ten had quit reading Warriors after Moonrise; take into account this gap in her storyline knowledge as you read. As with her previous journals, she plans to read and respond to every chapter.
Prologue
Alternative Title: Tonight's Forecast Includes Feline Luminescence
A gray tom comes along and speaks to Firestar, including plenty of praise (of course that hasn't gone away).
"There will be three, kin of your kin, who hold the power of the stars in their paws."
You know, cats would have an easier time holding something in their mouth. Maybe this means Firestar's kin isn't all that powerful.
"Why are you telling me this?"
Good question.
"How can I decide what I ought to do if you don't explain?"
Good question.
StarClan is keeping up their useless cryptic messages, she sees. If you want to inform cats about what's going to happen, inform them; if you want to keep them in the dark, keep them in the dark. Don't try to do both at once. Ten is compelled to call this a plot contrivance, but... it doesn't present anything resembling a plot. Rather, it opens the door for justifying further mary sues.
He heaved himself to his paws and shook his head, trying to dislodge the dream. But this was no ordinary dream, for he remembered being in that cave as clearly as if it had happened a moon ago, rather than the many, many seasons he had lived since then.
That doesn't make it an unusual dream. It's more than ordinary for a dream to seem real at the time and as well as for a time after one wakes up.
Chapter 1
Alternative Title: The Apple Doesn't Fall Far
Ten would have never expected anyone to be touchier and easier to insult than Firestar. Then she met Jaykit.
He and his siblings are playing with a mouse; he tries to snatch it from Lionkit and ends up tumbling onto Ferncloud's kits.
He landed in a clumsy skid and rolled over, feeling a jolt of alarm as he realized it wasn't moss underneath him, but the squirming warmth of Ferncloud's two tiny kits. Frencloud gave him a shove, pushing him away with her hind paws.
Jaykit gasped. "Have I hurt them?"
"Of course not," Ferncloud snapped. "You're too small to squash a flea!" Foxkit and Icekit mewled as she tucked them closer into her belly. "But you three are getting too rough for the nursery!"
"Sorry, Ferncloud," Hollykit mewed.
"Sorry," Jaykit eachoed, apologetic even thought Ferncloud's comment on his size had stung him. At least the queen's anger would not last.
"Anger"? She seems perturbed, yes, but not enraged. There's no threat of lasting fury. Quit stating the obvious.
"It's crowded already, and Daisy and Sorreltail's kits won't be apprentices forever."
Ten doesn't want to spend much time discussing names in this journal, but Daisy retaining her kittypet name is an example of Firestar's stance regarding the warrior code and Clan traditions, another thing that hasn't changed.
Brightheart and Cloudtail were grooming each other in a pool of sunlight on the other side of the clearing. Jaykit could hear the steady lapping of their tongues like water dripping from a rain-soaked leaf.
What would water be dripping on that would make it sound like cats licking each other?
Brightheart paused from her washing. "How are you today, Jakit?"
Jaykit placed the mouse between his paws, safe from Hollykit's grasp. "I'm fine, of course," he meowed. Why did Brightheart have to make such a fuss over him?
How is that a fuss? While Ten is not a fan of small talk, one friendly question seems like no big deal.
Daisy wasn't a warrior, because she showed no sign that she ever wished to leave the nursery, but her kits Mousepaw, Hazelpaw, and Berrypaw were apprentices and it seemed to Jaykit that they were as Clanborn as any of his Clanmates.
This has Ten thinking of birthmothers in The Giver. Some of you might cite this as a reason for Daisy keeping her kittypet name; she's not a warrior. However, the text does imply that they are treating her as a Clan cat, and a cat needn't be a warrior to be a part of the Clan - there are queens whose sole occupation is churning out the babies. Ten hasn't read the book in which Daisy joins, but she can't imagine any good reason for her to stick with her kittypet name if she's leaving her kittypet life.
And yes, Ten did say something about not discussing names here. This is more about Firestar's lax policies than the name itself. If her focus in this journal had been names, she would have posed some questions about Hollykit and Ferncloud by now, believe her.
Moving on.
Jaykit's attention was distracted by the bitter stench of mouse bile that came from the elders' den. Leafpool must be removing a tick from Longtail or Mousefur. A much nicer odor heralded the return of two of Daisy's kits - Mousepaw and Hazelpaw were bringing fresh-kill back from a hunting expedition.
Nevermind, she's remaining on the names topic for a moment. There are two cats with the Mouse prefix? Ten has seen some people argue that the Erins are using "untraditional" names more often because they don't want to be repetitive. Yet, here are Mousefur and Mousepaw in the same Clan at the same time.
Moving on for real now. Stormfur scolds the kits for playing with a mouse.
"It's leaf-bare. We should thank StarClan for every morsel."
Lionkit wriggled out from underneath Jaykit. "We're just practicing our hunting skills!"
"We have to practice," Jaykit added, sitting up. "We'll be apprentices soon."
Stormfur was silent for a moment; then he stretched forward and gave Jaykit a quick lick between the ears. "Of course," he murmured. "I was forgetting."
Frustration flared in Jaykit's belly. Why did the whole Clan treat him like a newborn kit when he was nearly six moons old?
Jaykit argues that they shouldn't be in trouble for it, so Stormfur lets them off, but then Jaykit complains that this is unfair.
Well then, you little ingrate, how about he takes the mouse away and sends all of you to the
Ya lahwy, it's not been a dozen pages of this character and she'd be glad to see him die.
What right did he have to act superior?
How is he acting superior? Perhaps Ten missed something, but she thinks Jaykit is asking this question as a response to Stormfur's "Of course. I was forgetting." and not his "We should thank StarClan for every morsel." The latter could seem self-righteous, in a way, yet it was not this statement that sparked Jaykit's inner protest. It was the former. How is forgetting their age acting superior? Even if he hasn't forgotten their age, and is saying this because he wants to be lenient with them, how is that acting superior? Is it thinking he can get away with lying to his face that's supposed to be "acting superior"? Somehow Ten doesn't think it is.
Leafpool silenced him by flicking the tip of her tail over his mouth.
So she was talking to him with her butt turned toward him? Or does she have the world's longest cat tail? Of all the things his Clanmates have done, this is the one that Jaykit would be justified in getting mad about. Who wouldn't take offense at the human equivalent - someone clasping a hand over your mouth? Ten will testify that it's a sure-fire way to produce indignation. However, it doesn't seem to bother Jaykit at all. Wait. She's not sure you've received the full effect here.
Leafpool covered his mouth.
This doesn't bother Jaykit.
This doesn't bother Jaykit.
....how in the-? Ten doesn't want to dwell on how out of character this is. Following sentences only emphasize the absurdity of it when Jaykit complains about something else instead. She'll include both of the paragraphs for sake of context.
Leafpool silenced him by flicking the tip of her tail over his mouth. "I'm sorry, Jaykit," she meowed. "It won't be long until Firestar gives you our apprentice names. But until then, you'll have to wait like any other kits."
Jaykit understood her meaning. Their father was the Clan deputy, and their mother was Firestar's daughter; Leafpool was reminding them yet again that it did not entitle them to special treatment. His tail twitched crossly. Sometimes it felt like the rest of the Clan went out of their way to make sure he and his littermates never got special treatment. It wasn't fair!
It's not fair that they're being fair? Why is he complaining about this and not that she covered his mouth?
"I'm sorry," Leafpool meowed. "But that's just the way it is."
Why is she sorry? Is she apologizing for that being the way it is? She's not the one responsible for that, is she? Apologies take responsibility. Therefore, it's Leafpool who's acting superior, not Stormfur.
In earnest, Ten tries not to be biased against Leafsue just because of her name. However, when anyone uses "sorry" as a response in such a scenario, in which the person or character should not be sorry, she takes it as a flaw.
Jaykit stares at Brook and thinks about her because the Erins think they're being kind to the readers by using infodumps. That, or as with Rusty's dump in the garden, they needed a higher word count.
Lionkit's belly swished against the ground as he tried to copy Berrypaw.
Can someone explain what this is supposed to mean?
Despite low expectations, this chapter still manages to be disappointing. Spiderleg announced that they found a dead fox at the end of the chapter, but aside from that, nothing significant happens. All the Erins do inform readers about as much as possible while making a direct effort to not be interesting. It's like a bad History class, except there's not even grades to make anyone care.
Then again, Ten shouldn't be making judgments too soon, should she? Allow her to explain: she likes to recount the events of each chapter in her journals. In this chapter, she didn't notice any main sequence of events besides Jaykit showing off how much of a brat he his. This is much like Into the Wild except for the huge increase in characters, which is a bit of an annoyance.
Sure, books can pull off large casts. Though she isn't a Harry Potter fan, she will cite it as an example of a large cast done well. If you're thinking it's cruel to compare Rowling to the Erins, this is true. The point is that using too many characters in one chapter this way is a blunder.
But she digresses.
Chapter 2
Alternative Title: Fox News is
Everyone in the Clan has one giant, stilted conversation in which each cat waits their turn to say their line at the correct interval, making sure no one semi-important is interrupted or left out.
Would someone explain what the noun Brook is doing in ThunderClan and why she still has that name? It's of such a human nature that Ten's picturing a previous acquaintance in her younger years, an elementary-school aged girl, rather than a cat.
"Brambleclaw's just trying to keep us busy."
Guarding camp isn't what Ten would call keeping busy. There's not a whole lot to do, is there? No guise here: Brambleclaw's keeping them safe and out of the way. Does Jaykit think he's pretending otherwise because he's stupid or because he thinks Brambleclaw is stupid?
Lionkit sat down with a bump, like a leaf that had been dropped by the breeze.
The simile is not helping her picture how anyone can sit down "with a bump".
The kits decide that they're too cool to obey orders. They sneak out of camp to find the fox cubs (since the dead fox
"Can he see us?" Jaykit hissed.
"Not from where he is," Hollykit reassured him. "The barrier's blocking his view."
It seems Ashfur no longer has a working nose...? Whatever happened to his sense of smell also happened to several other ThunderClan warriors who exhibit an unbecomming level of awareness.
The fox's milky scent grew stronger and as they neared a clump of bracken that shielded a small lump in the ground, Jaykit scented a new smell.
As opposed to scenting something other than a smell.
The kits plan to attack the fox cubs. Otherwise, how could anyone be sure they were related to Firestar? Without a doubt this must be some clever foreshadowing.
Ten apologizes for how facetious she's being as of late.
Anyway, of course everything goes wrong and one of the fox cubs chases Jaykit into the hollow.
Chapter 3
Alternative Title: Hey Look; This One's Only Six Pages
Jaykit can see in his dreams. He's just that special.
Just. That. Special.
Yes, Ten has a bias against superpowers, all the more so in a setting where it hasn't established itself as a possibility by now.
After Leafpool is ruled out, and it becomes clear that Jaykit is not within the plane of reality, one can assume right off the bat that this is Spottedsue
"Drink now, precious," she urged.
Ten has come up with a few theories.
A) Spottedleaf thinks "jay" is the name of a valuable metal.
B) Spottedleaf knows Jaykit is a main character (ergo, he's valuable).
C) Spottedleaf is Gollum in disguise.
This being a pet name of love and tenderness is out of the question, since Jaykit is not the sweet and innocent type to warrant it and (unless Ten missed something) they haven't developed a close relationship. Then again, Spottedleaf might be just that much of a pedophile.
He was puzzled by the tension in Leafpool's shoulders, and the way the tip of her tail stirred the moss-covered ground.
He can smell shoulder tension?
Leafpool drew the tip of her tail gently around his ears and said nothing.
So she's talking to him with her butt toward him again?
Though he's blind, Ten's thinking he'd complain about the smell.
She rain her tail along his back.
Can... can someone draw a picture of this? Even with her butt toward him, this is hard to picture. Is her tail as long as Jaykit is special?
Anyone else getting some creepy incest vibes out of this? Parents behaving in a loving manner toward their children is not unusual, of course, but this does seem more sensual than that.
"I hate being blind."
Ten has met more than one blind person. They don't mope about and wish they could see. In fact, they're more likely to make jokes about it.
And bratty blind characters don't have to be lame.
Message in This Chapter:
{x} Cat Tails Can Do Whatever the Author Wants Them To
Chapter 4
Alternative Title: Plant Party
For tonight's entertainment, Erin Hunter presents Hollykit, who will display her magnificent ability to... sit and watch. And for a couple of pages, that's all she does.
"Poor mite," Sorreltail meowed. "Do you think he'll be okay?"
Hollykit felt a surge of irritation.
How dare someone be concerned about the health of her brother?
Jaykit had been as keen to chase off the fox cubs as she and Lionkit, but he was being fussed over in Leafpool's den, while she and Lionkit had to sit here for the whole Clan to stare at.
Isn't that because Jaykit got hurt? Does she want to switch places with him?
"Have you got a tick in your ear?" Lionkit whispered.
"No, but it's just not fair!" she hissed back. "We wouldn't be in so much trouble if Jaykit hadn't fallen over the edge! Why does he have to act like he can do anything and then be so helpless?"
"We shouldn't have taken him with us," Lionkit murmured.
"Can you imagine the fuss he would have made if we hadn't?" Hollykit spat.
"Fuss" and "it's not fair" have become recurring words. The former has showed up at least three times by now, the latter at least four. Ten doesn't mind if characters repeat themselves. However, narration has used these as well.
Losing Jaykit would be like losing her tail.
She must love that tail.
The monotonous dialogue tags are getting annoying. Heaven forbid anyone say anything without Erin Hunter declaring who and how, even if there's only two cats in the conversation and it's obvious who's speaking.
Firestar scolds Hollykit and Lionkit. That's a one-sentence summary of what takes four pages to happen.
Squirrelflight drew her tail over her son's flank.
Leafpool can have Jaykit; it's Lionkit that Squirrelflight wants.
Is she standing beside him as she's speaking to him? Because of the conversation's tone, Ten had been picturing the adults facing the kits, not lined up beside them.
Hollykit caught Squirrelflight's eye. Her mother blinked at her sympathetically. "Don't be too hard on yourself," she murmured.
No, go ahead and be plenty hard on yourself. It seems Squirrelflight has taken up Lionheart's soft idiot role. Anyway, Hollykit goes to see Jaykit.
"Hi, Hollykit." His mew sounded tired. His pelt was slicked flat with poultices, making him look as small as a newborn kit. Hollykit felt a stab of pain. He had nearly died.
Jaykit flicked his tail. "There's no need to feel so sorry for me," he mewed.
Hollykit blinked. How was it that her brother always knew exactly what she was feeling?
A few thoughts on the answer to this question:
- He had come close to dying.
- Being her brother, and thus knowing her well, he should have some ability to predict her reactions.
- He had come close to dying
- Being blind and a whiner, he often thinks cats feel sorry for him.
- He had come close to dying.
- He sounds tired and he's slicked with poultices.
- He had come close to dying.
Considering these things, it shouldn't be difficult for him to guess that she might feel sorry for him. If she doesn't realize this, it's either because Erin Hunter is showing that Hollykit is dumb, or because Erin Hunter thinks her readers are dumb and can't stand to be subtle or skillful about anything, preferring to throw it your face like a cream pie. This is not skilled foreshadowing. Ten's debating with herself on whether it's foreshadowing at all.
"I'm not going to die," he went on.
"I never thought you would," she lied.
Taking after Firestar, she sees.
Though she's displeased with Hollykit, Ten finds that, when the Erins don't narrate from Jaykit's perspective, and when he acts with disgruntled calmness rather than vexation and self pity, he can be a tolerable character. In fact, she likes him this way, laying there and dismissing his sister's concerns with an aloof flick of the tail.
But in this book, good things do not last. He breaks out into more italics and exclamation marks when Hollykit tells him their apprenticeship might be delayed. Plus he tries to stand up, for no apparent reason - unless he's the type of cat who likes making himself wince.
"Sorry," Hollykit apologized, lapping Jaykit's pelt with softer strokes.
Labeling "sorry" as an apology is redundant. The Erins are getting ridiculous with these dialogue tags. Also, according to the grammar here, she's lapping while talking at the same time.
"Spottedleaf was very wise."
...She was? When?
Hollykit was surprised to hear Leafpool talk so warmly about a cat she'd never met in real life. "You talk about Spottedleaf like she's a friend."
"Our warrior ancestors can be our friends."
Jaykit let out a moan. "I hurt."
Ten thanks Jaykit for interrupting the sue discussion.
"Pick them up by wetting your paw and dabbing the pile."
Hollykit followed her instructions, shaking the extra seeds from her pad, and hopped back to where Jaykit lay.
She just dabbed the pile while shaking off the extra seeds at the same time.
"Do you have someone in mind already?"
Leafpool flicked the tip of her tail. "I've not decided anything yet."
Way to avoid the question.
What Firestar's Decendants Have Inherited From Him:
Contrived Conclusions (and/or Unintelligence)
Untruthfulness
Evasiveness
Chapter 5
Alternative Title: Midnight Stroll
Lionkit wakes up in the night and misses Jaykit. While this does make sense (they haven't ever been separated like this before, have they?), there's no reason for it to go on much longer than a paragraph. Is Ten being too stolid thinking that missing one's brother doesn't warrant insomnia?
He closed his eyes but the image of his brother lying in the clearing filled his mind again. It was my idea to leave the camp. Jaykit could be dead, or the fox cubs could have chased them into the hollow. What a mess!
"What a mess"? That's what Ten's parents say when they look at her room, not what a young man says when thinking about how his actions could have resulted in death and... what is it that the fox cubs would have done if they had chased them into the hollow?
Lionkit got to his paws. He needed fresh air to clear his head.
He's sneaking out again, despite that he was just thinking about what could have happened the last time he broke the rules.
While he's out there, he overhears some warriors arguing about something that must have happened in the previous series and hides in the thorn barrier or whatever it's supposed to be. Mousepaw finds him, but then he lies to his mentor to give Lionkit subterfuge.
"I'm just on my way back to the den," Mousepaw told Dustpelt. A moment later he squeezed into Lionkit's hiding place.
The hiding place is that big?
It seems the point of this chapter was to
So long as Stormfur and Brook were loyal to ThunderClan, what else mattered?
Plenty.
Ten has mulled over this concluding question. Are the Erins implying everyone should trust each other? If so, why didn't they express some sort of disapprobation at Lionkit benefiting from falsehood?
Chapter 6
Alternative Title: Thorny Situation (Only In the Literal Sense)
Hollykit notices the thorns in Lionkit's pelt and goes to get "something to treat them with".
"What will you tell Leafpool?"
"Don't worry. I'll tell her there was a thorn in your bedding and you rolled on it."
See, Lionkit doesn't just rely on minor characters to lie for him; it's an equal opportunity position.
Leafpool isn't there, so Jaykit tells Hollykit what herb to get. As soon as he's verified that she has the right one, Leafpool returns.
Leafpool opened her eyes wide in surprise. "How did you know to use dock?"
Hollykit stared uncertainly at the medicine cat. Jaykit told me.
"She remembered the smell from when you used it to treat me," Jaykit mewed.
Now he's being a nuisance even outside of his point of view. So if this pattern continues, Lionkit will soon lie to cover for Jaykit. Wait... why didn't Hollykit speak up first?
Hollykit ran her tail along his flank so he knew she was grateful.
So... she swung her butt around to face him with it? ...mm, can you face with your butt? Sounds rather paradoxical.
Anyway, running tails along flanks is not a feline expression of gratatude, nor is it a human one. Ten's sure a normal guy would be disturbed if his sister rubbed her butt on his abs. True, a tail is not a butt and a flank is not abs, so imagine a different scenario - his sister runs her finger along the side of his chest to the side of his waist. That's still more erotic than standard sibling interaction.
Hollykit gets caught, but she doesn't get in trouble.
"You should have waited until I was awake and asked permission. But I suppose you were only thinking of your littermate, and I can't disapprove of that," Ferncloud sighed.
Yes you can.
"Though StarClan knows how thorns got into the nursery in the first place!"
Despite Hollykit having just broke the rules, Ferncloud's not suspicious. Why is the Clan allowing her to reproduce? Because anyone in ThunderClan with intelligence dies or is shunned.
Hollykit then tries to apply the dock to her brother's scratches and decides to go thespian.
Hollykit felt her tail tremble. She couldn't do this!
Note that there's no pressure on her, it's not that difficult, and she's not the only one who can. Not that big of a deal.
Ashfur's whiskers twitched with amusement as he overheard the apprentices talking. "You'd be wiser splitting up!" he called over. "On your own, you might just manage to surprise your prey, but the three of you clumping through the forest will scare everything from here to sun-drown-place!"
Whitewing poked him with her snowy paw. "Don't tease them, Ashfur!" she scolded.
Isn't Ashfur older than Whitewing? If not, aren't they about the same age? "Scolding" is what elders or superiors do to their subordinates. Is Whitewing an elder or superior?
Though he found amusement in the situation, Ashfur did seem to be offering valid advice. ThunderClan does not permit this sort of thing.
Mothwing brings Willowpaw to talk to Leafpool about a dream. Willowpaw "can't" tell Hollykit about it until she has shared it with Leafpool (why?). At the end of the chapter Hollykit announces she wants to be a medicine cat, despite that she doesn't seem to enjoy the duties at all.
Chapter 7
Alternative Title: Pile of Promotions
Some stuff happens at the beginning. Yeah, it's not worth going into more detail than that.
Lionkit pulled off a thrush more than half his size and began hauling it toward the nursery.
Lionkit is about six months old at this time, correct? Can a thrush be half the size of a six-month-old cat?
Hollykit sneaks out of the nursery without permission again.
"You've behaved well and not left the nursery without permission."
Is... this supposed to be ironic? Clever? Comical? Ten's not seeing it that way.
The queen was feeding her kits, her pale gray pelt glowing softly in the half-light.
The half-moonlight? So no color change this time either. However, Ten won't let her guard down.
Mousefur emerged stiffly from the elders' den, guiding her blind denmate, Longtail, her her tail.
Jaykit doesn't need a guide; why does Longtail? How long has he been blind?
Hollykit pushed her way between Ferncloud and Daisy and halted. Lionkit and Jaykit squirmed into place beside her, and she felt herself trembling against Daisy's flank. The cream-colored queen glanced fondly at her and ran a smoothing tail over her black pelt.
Since others have claimed Lionkit and Jaykit, Daisy had to settle with Hollykit.
"They have had an adventurous kithood," Firestar went on with a hint of amusement in his voice
In the first chapters of the book, the fox situation was a major problem, a dangerous threat. Now it's funny?
They get their new names and mentors - Lionpaw's is Ashfur, Hollypaw's is Leafpool, and Jaypaw's is Brightheart.
Chapter 8
Alternative Title: Jerkface
Brightheart?
Jaykit felt a rush of anger so strong it almost knocked him off his paws. Why had Firestar chosen one-eyed Brightheart when there were so many other warriors to choose from? As if he couldn't guess!
He dug his claws into the earth, refusing to step forward to greet his mentor. He ignored her embarrassment, although he could sense it like holly leaves pricking his pelt. He ignored the encouraging murmurs of the other apprentices. He ignored Spiderleg's angery, "Sshh!" which quieted them. And then he felt a muzzle gently but firmly pushing him forward.
Leafpool's voice murmured in his ear. "Go on."
Gritting his teeth, he padded toward Brightheart and Firestar.
"I know it must be hard for you," Brightheart greeted him sympathetically. "But I promise I will teach you how to protect your Clan even without sight."
She pitied him! He could hear it in her voice. His anger swelled up again, sending blood pounding through is ears. "Why bother if you think I'm so useless? Why don't you just send me off to the elders' den with Longtail?" he hissed.
Jerkface.
Jerkface. Jerkface. Jerkface.
That should be his warrior name. Jerkface. If he gets one at all, that is.
Also note that he hates for cats to think less of him for his blindness, but he does the same to Brightheart.
Jaypaw clawed the ground. You don't have to try so hard! You're only doing it because you feel sorry for me!
Somebody shoot him.
Reluctantly, he forced himself to touch muzzles with Brightheart, accepting her as his mentor. His whiskers brushed the side of her face that had been ravaged when she had been attacked by the dog pack. It felt strange to sense pace where other cats had fur and flesh, and he had to suppress a shudder.
Brightheart doesn't have flesh on the side of her face? So... half her skull is bare and visible?
He felt Brightheart's tail touch his shoulder.
The plant girls have competition now.
Is Brightheart butt-facing him or does she have another one of those supertails?
"Firestar has set you quite a challenge for your first apprentice, Brightheart," Longtail remarked.
"Just because I'm blind doesn't mean - " Jaypaw began hotly.
"I wasn't referring to your blindness," Longtail interrupted. "I meant your attitude."
Longtail gets a gold star.
"What's wrong with my attitude?"
"It's not many cats who'd try foxhunting before they were even out of the nursery." There was humor in Longtail's mew.
Longtail loses his gold star. A better example would be Jerkface's behavior during the ceremony or any other demonstration of his grouchiness, resentment, and self-pity. Also, Longtail shouldn't find humor in that event, which almost ended in death.
"You might as well make a start, Jaypaw," Brightheart suggested. Was that impatience he heard in her mew? You'll be feeling more than impatience if you keep giving me rubbish tasks like this! he predicted mutinously.
Like Firestar before him, Jerkface doesn't respect tradition or authority.
"This apprenticeship is going to be so dull," he hissed under his breath.
"What was that?" Mousefur had padded into the den, her pelt smelling of the forest. Her pawsteps were uneven, and she breathed in sharply as she sat down. "You've missed a bit over here," she pointed out.
"He's only just started," Longtail defended him.
Mousefur snorted. "Does that mean we'll have him scrabbling around the den until sunhigh? I was hoping to get some sleep."
"It's not my fault you're stiff!" Jaypaw snapped. "You're the one that went out into the forest when it's damp."
Does going outside while it's damp induce stiffness? Also, what does hoping to get some sleep have to do with her being stiff?
He felt Mousefur look closely at him.
So they touched faces?
"How did you know I was stiff?"
"I could tell when you sat down," Jaypaw replied, hooking out a wad of dry moss and flinging it toward the den entrance. "You moved slowly and made that noise."
"What noise?"
"A sort of gasp, like it hurt."
A purr of amusement suddenly rumbled in the old she-cat's throat. "I see Brightheart is going to have her paws full," she meowed.
What does that have to do with it?
Brightheart later takes Jerkface on a tour of ThunderClan territory, but even that doesn't satisfy him. At least he pities her during one scene - despite that he himself hates being pitied and is always making bratty coments about it.
She must have hoped that her first apprentice would be a healthy kit she wouldn't have to make special allowances for.
He equates blind with unhealthy? He's discriminating against himself now.
"And over there I can smell the moorland. The wind comes in a great unbroken sweep, undisturbed by trees."
"Unbroken"? How can he determine that?
In case you thought the Erins had abandoned its use, the word "suddenly" returns on page 101.
A fox cub arrives and attacks them (why?).
Jaypaw leaped, spitting, but something tugged him back. His tail was caught in a bramble bush!
Is that possible?
The patrol they met earlier comes to their aide, Erin Hunter once again depriving readers of Jerkface's death scene.
"Will Dustpelt and Hazelpaw be all right?" he asked.
"They'll chase the fox away from the camp," Thornclaw told him. "I don't think it'll turn on them. Not after the fright we face it."
"We should get Brightheart and Jaypaw back to camp and send a patrol after them," Poppypaw suggested.
"Good idea," Thornclaw agreed.
None of them are injured, right? So why would they go back to camp? They should go after the fox themselves, not wait and later send a patrol.
Next the Erins make sure everyone can tell Lionpaw is a stu by having him be able to catch prey on his first day of hunting.
There was a moment's silence; then Hollypaw brushed her tail over Jaypaw's pelt.
Because Brightheart has entered the ring, Hollypaw of Team She-Plants is deciding to step up her game. Nobody's taking her man.
The chapter ends with Jerkface going to sleep. Thank goodness he's "too tired and miserable to make a fuss".
Chapter 9
Alternative Title: Accidental Suicide Attempt #2
Jerkface is not a morning person. He's also something of a hypocrite.
Daisy's kits have more important duties than me, and they're not even Clanborn!
Now look at this narration from earlier in the book.
Daisy wasn't a warrior, because she showed no sign that she ever wished to leave nursery, but her kits Mousepaw, Hazelpaw, and Berrypaw were apprentices, and it seemed to Jaykit that they were as Clanborn as any of his Clanmates.
Is this not a contradiction? If, somehow, it isn't, then it must be pointing out how nonClanborn ThunderClan is.
The frosty ground beneath his paws told him that the skies were clear today.
How would frosty ground mean there are clear skies? Or did the frosty ground acquire some vocal chords and declare, "Why hello, sleepyhead. Skys are clear today, with a high of fifteen degrees Celsius and a low of about seven. Predicting light showers in the week ahead. Have a happy, happy Monday." Narration, of course, would have omitted Jerkface's response.
Then he has the bright idea of going out and exploring alone, hoping to... "show her [he's] not useless", referring to his mentor [p.113]. Even if nothing bad were to happen due to his temerity, how would exploring their territory be useful?
"Suddenly" makes an appearance on page 114 as he stumbles over a rabbit hole.
He wondered for a moment if he should go back, but he pushed the thought away. I won't give up!
You won't give up what? Being an idiot?
He then walks of a cliff and almost drowns in the river.
Once again Erin Hunter deprives readers of his death when some WindClan cats fish him out - but at least there's an interesting character in the mix. When Jaypaw shakes some of the water out of his fur, Breezepaw shouts that he's trying to drown them. Crowfeather calls this a "fuss".
"What were you doing so far from your camp?" he demanded. "Is there anyone with you?"
"Be gentle, Crowfeather," Whitetail pleaded. "He's had a bad shock." Jaypaw felt a soft tongue lick his ear. "You're safe now, little one."
Jaypaw relaxed against her, sheltering from the wind in her warm, dry fur.
Asking questions in and of itself isn't all that violent. It doesn't warrant a plea of "be gentle".
Why isn't Jerkface resenting Whitetail and her gentleness? Sure, he almost died, making a complaint unreasonable, but he hasn't hesitated to make unreasonable complaints in the past.
Whitetail is a cat, right? Why then does she have a "soft" tongue? Is she a mutant?
Breezepaw, though tactless and hyperbolic, seems a bit smarter than everyone else. According to Hunter logic, this makes him bad.
Crowfeather leads Jerkface back to TCHQ (ThunderClan Headquarters) with his tail on the brat's shoulder as a practical precaution, which Jerkface resents, even though he didn't resent gentle miss Whitetail.
Once again his attempt to prove he was a good as any other cat had ended in disaster.
If anything, it's proved he's a slow learner.
"What in StarClan happened to you?"
Don't you mean "in StarClan's name"?
She licked him ferociously between the ears.
Love hurts...?
"Do your kits always go out by themselves?"
"I'm not a kit; I'm an apprentice!" Jaypaw snapped. He felt his mother's tail brush his muzzle, silencing him.
He doesn't appear to resent the silencing either. A moment ago she was licking his head, so she must have swung her butt around to butt-face him.
Perhaps the touchy tail epidemic is specific to ThunderClanners, considering Brook demonstrates proper cat body language.
"Jaypaw!" Hollypaw rushed up and rubbed her muzzle against his cheek. "You look half-drowned!"
Tiredness suddenly swept through Jaypaw, and he let himself sink down to the ground.
There's that "suddenly" again. It's about seven pages after getting rescued before the fatigue of almost drowning sets in.
Jaypaw swallowed the leaves without complaint. He felt too cold and tired to object to anything.
Ten votes Jerkface stay cold and tired for the rest of the book.
Chapter 10
Alternative Title: Gathering, Googly-eyeing, and Gloating
"Suddenly" sighting on page 129, along with another strange usage of "swished".
The pebbles swished beneath his paws as he turned to watch his Clanmates cross.
Is this some British colloquialism, or does Ten have a misconception as to the definition of swish?
Page 130 has "suddenly" again. Envious of his brother, Lionpaw takes an opportunity to almost drown himself while crossing the river.
"Thought you were fish food for a moment there," Hollypaw welcomed him.
"Me too!" Lionpaw purred.
They both seem rather upbeat and joyous. Near-death-experiences are celebratory occasions, hm?
The pelt of a RiverClan tom shines in the moonlight, but so the Erins haven't mentioned any color-changing so far and it's already chapter ten. Good for them.
"Imagine meeting him in battle! I'm going to train twice as hard from now on."
"How can you be thinking about fighting?" Hollypaw scolded. "There's a truce tonight. You should be trying to work out whether he thinks like a ThunderClan warrior." Her eyes narrowed. "If you know how your enemy thinks, then you have already won half the battle."
Lionpaw glanced sideways at his sister. Where did she come up with this stuff?
From the adults. She's not the first cat to say this sort of thing.
Bluestar's voice sounded behind the three apprentices. "Don't waste any of your time tonight," she warned. "This is a good opportunity to meet your enemies. Listen to them; remember what they look like and how they behave."
That's only an implication, of course, but Ten does remember some warrior saying that it's good to have information about your enemies and she's too lazy to look for a better quote at the moment.
Note the third "suddenly" for this chapter on page 133. The Erins must be making up for lost time.
Willowpaw finds Hollypaw and they act like instant friends - just add water. This is the... what, third time they've met each other?
"Come on!" She swept her tail around Hollypaw.
Easy now. You don't know each other that well.
Lionpaw meets some other apprentices, including Pouncepaw, who must look like this.
"We can show you around, if you like," Minnowpaw offered.
Mousepaw's eyes lit up. Clearly he liked the idea of a starlit stroll with the pretty apprentice. But Lionpaw would rather explore the place for himself, especially if Mousepaw was going to be round-eyed and moony over Minnowpaw the whole time.
"Thanks for the offer," he mewed. "But Mousepaw's promised to introduce me to some of the other cats."
Lionpaw is lyin'. Fitting, no?
Why doesn't he realize that he doesn't have to stick around with Mousepaw? Even if he did, that doesn't justify lying.
Guess what word heads another sentence on page 135.
No, she means it. Guess.
Yeah, "suddenly".
Lionpaw then meets Heatherpaw and goes googly-eyed, the same thing for which he was begrudging Mousepaw only seconds ago.
"I'm Heatherpaw, by the way."
Because your eyes are the color of heather...
Ten's taking this outright mention as enough of an excuse to talk about names. Blame it on Lionpaw.
If readers are to assume that Lionpaw is correct, then this means that Heatherpaw's mother must have waited until she was three weeks old to name her. Why would she do that?
Or are readers to assume that Lionpaw doesn't know anything about kits or naming?
Before Mousepaw could answer, a black tom with amber eyes trotted up to them. "We ought to join our Clan," he told Heatherpaw gruffly, ignoring the ThunderClan apprentices. "The meeting's about to begin."
"This is Breezepaw," Heatherpaw told Mousepaw and Lionpaw. "He's our newest apprentice." Her whiskers twitched. "Though you couldn't tell it from his manner. He's been trying to boss the other apprentices from the moment he went from a 'kit to a 'paw."
Breezepaw stared furiously at her, and the tip of his tail flicked from side to side.
"Don't worry, Breezepaw," Heatherpaw went on. "You'll be a warrior before you know it, and then you can boss all the apprentices around."
Breezepaw narrowed his eyes, clearly unsure whether she was being serious or not.
Heatherpaw glanced at Lionpaw, then whispered loud enough for Breezepaw to hear, "He thinks that I have to do what he says because his father, Crowfeather, is my mentor."
"You know Crowfeather would never -" Breezepaw started to object.
"Oh, come on, Breezepaw!" Heatherpaw pleaded. "Lighten up!" She gave his flank a nudge with her muzzle, then turned back to Lionpaw. "It's hard to believe, but Breezepaw can be great fun on a good day."
A commanding meow sounded from the Great Oak. "We meet beneath Silverpelt -"
"That's Onestar calling for the meeting to start!" Heatherpaw gasped.
Lionpaw swung around and saw the four Clan leaders sitting like owls in the lowest branch of the tree. Onestar, the lithe brown tabby who led WindClan, was speaking.
"...commanded by the truce of the full moon."
Breezepaw flashed Heatherpaw a look that said, I told you so, and hurried away to join the rest of his Clan. Heatherpaw rolled her eyes at Lionpaw, then followed her Clanmate.
Ten apologizes for the large quote - she doubts you want to read all that.
Her sympathies lie with Breezepaw, not this blue-eyed brat. Jerkface is a sulky whiner, but Heatherpaw is worse, humiliating her Clanmate in front of apprentices from a different Clan, acting superior and talking him down. Little sadist. mm... what's a good nickname for her?
How about Heathenpaw?
Then Firestar turned his green gaze on the crowd. "ThunderClan are fortunate to have more than one" - he lingered over the word - "new apprentice this moon."
He's saying this because WindClan and ShadowClan only had one and because he's a gloating egotist.
Uses of "Suddenly" in This Chapter Alone: four
Chapter 11
Alternative Title: The Opposite of a Death Scene
The opposite of what Ten keeps hoping for. Graystripe's back, and he's brought along a snotty kittypet.
A gray tom with a stripe of darker fur along his spine stood in front of the bracken.
When Ten first read Into the Wild, she had assumed he was a tabby. She doesn't recall any specific description of him in narration from when she reread it. This description of him in The Sight implies that he's neither a gray tabby nor a gray solid, but rather - unless someone can prove otherwise - an impossibility.
Squirrelflight gasped. "A kittypet made the journey with you?"
"I couldn't have managed it alone," Graystripe meowed.
Can someone explain why a grown warrior needed Millie's help?
Cats from all four Clans surged around Graystripe until he was almost lost in a forest of pelts, brown, white, ginger, and tabby.
She doesn't remember Graystripe being so popular.
This bit of narrative implies that the brown, white, and ginger pelts are not tabby. Is it possible for cats to be solid brown or solid ginger without being tabby and without being a bred-for-that-color purebred? And please refrain from that mutations argument. Ten's talking about the known world.
Hollypaw heard a stifled hiss of disgust. Blackstar was staring at Millie with open malice. The gray she-cat glanced at him, then lifted her chin and returned his stare, and even though her tail was trembling, she held the ShadowClan leader's gaze until he looked away.
Ten is more than displeased about this, and it takes a bit of knowledge about cat body language to understand why.
For felines (and canines, if she's not mistaken) staring is display of assertiveness and can be a challenge or a threat. If cats have a staring contest, it's what Ten's father would call a "quien es más macho" competition. Breaking eye contact is a sign of weakness or submission.
Millie just proved herself dominant over the leader of ShadowClan.
As Johnny Depp put it, "Where are the writers? I'm going to kill them."
"Does this mean ThunderClan has two deputies now?" Breezepaw called boldly.
Rather than answering this question, or even saying that they'll decide that later, or even telling him to mind his own beeswax, the whole of ThunderClan just ignores him. Ten's wondering if one of the Erins erased something by mistake. She's also wondering if it's safe to let herself like Breezepaw. Is he going to die and/or do something horrible later? This series is not kind to likable characters.
"Surely Firestar will restore Graystripe to deputy!"
Hollypaw glared at the RiverClan warrior who had fur the color of stone.
Another voice whispered, "The vigil to Graystripe was false!"
Rage flared in Hollypaw, but not enough to sweep away the foreboding that pricked her pelt.
"Rage"? At what? Cats daring to speak without her permission? ...because Ten isn't seeing what else she could be enraged about.
Chapter 12
Alternative Title: Cinder
The group returns to camp, meaning readers get the "omg wth? graystripe = alive!" scene all over again.
Mousefur raced over to Graystripe and ran her tail along his flank.
Whoa now. Somebody missed more of him than just his face.
Some cats get to work building nests for Graystripe and his malkin and there's some random scene where Cinderpaw (who?) runs into someone. All these disjointed events, even if they all have a purpose, just feel like they're taking up space for the sake of space. And no word on a plot yet.
By the time dawn broke over the camp, spilling pinks and oranges over the cloud-dappled sky, the den was finished. With a sleepy nod of thanks, Graystripe and Millie padded inside.
Did they not take the chance to sleep somewhere around camp? Cats are pretty good at falling asleep wherever they find themselves, she's sure you know.
"Jaypaw said that Millie's got an infected wound."
"How did he know?" Leafpool looked at her in surprise.
Hollypaw shrugged. "He smelled it." She was groping for the name of some leaf or seed that might help, but after all the excitement of building the den, her mind felt too fuzzy.
"We'll make sure we see to it come sunhigh," Leafpool told her. "Right now, Graystripe and Millie need rest more than anything else."
No, you should see to it now. Taking care of an infection shouldn't take much time away from their rest and it's important that it doesn't worsen.
A thought: this book tries to tell the story of too many characters. By this, she does not mean that it should not have the number of characters it does but that it shouldn't try to focus on so many of them. Then again, maybe it would help if there were, you know, some sort of... plot.
Malkin is Hollypaw's first patient. She decides not to pull the thorn out herself, too disgusted.
"Were you angry at Firestar when you found he'd left without you?" Hollypaw mewed boldly.
Graystripe twitched the tip of his tail. "Yes, I was disappointed, but I can understand why he did it. The forest was in ruins. No cat could have survived there."
Ten is doubtful. It's not like a nuke hit the place.
Another thought: If Hollypaw hasn't killed any mice herself, she has at least eaten one killed by another cat. In theory this would involve blood and innards. Why then is she squeamish about a little thorn wound?
Later, Leafsue gives her some battle training and Hollypaw gets the first move in her first try.
She darted forward, aware that Leafpool was rearing onto her hind legs, ready to bring her weight down on Hollypaw the moment she tried to slip past.
Has anyone seen a cat use rearing as a fighting technique?
"You come at me, and I'm going to try to unbalance you."
Hollypaw took a quick breath, then threw herself at Cinderpaw. Before she knew what was happening, Cinderpaw had knocked one of her forelegs from under her with a powerful front paw, then tipped her over with a rolling shove from her hind legs.
While it's true Ten has trouble picturing things in general, this scene in particular is hard to imagine, and she keeps seeing cats doing kung fu.
If she didn't already know why the Erins were spending so much time on Cinderpaw, she'd be asking now. Instead, she asks, why did they make Cinderpaw at all? "To give her another chance at the life of a warrior"? If that's the case, why not resurrect everyone in StarClan? Life must have wronged all of them at one point or another.
