Warriors Journals: The Sight

[Ten]

"He was standing in a moonlit orchard."
--
So... you're saying the moon makes things turn silver?


"Definitely my favorite part."
--
Thank you. Got the idea from one of Dan's blogs.

[Brain]

"So... you're saying the moon makes things turn silver?"
---
Rocks, yes. Trees... maybe. Definitely not corn.

[duckyaisha]

"So... you're saying the moon makes things turn silver?"

---x---

Things that are light gray look silver in moonlight, especially rocks.

[Brain]

Wet leaves might look silver.

[Ten]

The gray rock makes sense but seems redundant, as gray and silver are rather close. I don't recall any mention of wet leaves.

Chapter 14
Alternative Title: The Part That's Supposed to Be "Rising Action"

"Stop pushing," Berrypaw complained.

"The fastest hunter catches the most mice," Lionpaw mewed cheerfully.

So he shoved him, then offered a cheerful proverb as an excuse. Somebody slap him.

Frost glittered on the bushes around the edge of the camp and the icy ground made Lionpaw's pads ache.

Wet, maybe, but ache?

Jaypaw padded to join them, sitting beside Hollypaw.

He just walked and sat down at the same time.

Firestar makes the simple announcement of "Brambleclaw will stay deputy" into a windbag of a speech.

"Do you think Graystripe minds?" Hollypaw whispered.

"Does it matter?" Jaypaw asked.

Yes.

"The first apprentice to catch three pieces of prey gets first pick from the fresh-kill pile tonight."

Lionpaw glanced at Berrypaw. His denmate was larger than he and more experienced. He would have to rely more on senses than speed if he was going to win.

This sounds silly considering the winner is the one who completes the mission fastest. Note that narration calls Berrypaw larger and more experienced, but not faster.

Jerkface gets a chance to get out and hunt at last, but even with this, he can find a way to express dissatisfaction, ungrateful bastard that he is.

"Why do we need to go with them?" Jaypaw was complaining. "I'm perfectly capable of hunting on my own."

Pity flashed in Brightheart's eye, and Lionpaw winced.

Pity? He's being bratty, not waiflike.

Lionpaw gets in a playfight with Berrypaw and Erin Hunter shows off her fight-scene skills... abilities... words.

Lionpaw launched himself at the young tom, and the two apprentices bundled toward the thorn barrier. Berrypaw's weight took Lionpaw by surprise. He scrabbled to push the larger apprentice off, but Berrypaw heaved him toward the prickly spines of the thornbush. Thinking quickly, Lionpaw let himself go limp, becoming so slippery that it was easy to wriggle out of Berrypaw's grip.

It seems Lionpaw's battle strategy is to become a banana peel.

Quick as a flash, he sprang onto Berrypaw's back and nipped his friend's scruff with his teeth. Berrypaw tried to shake him off, but even with his claws sheathed, Lionpaw found that he hand the strength to hold his grip on Berrypaw's broad shoulders.

Strength has nothing to do with it. Without claws or thumbs, how does he have a grip on him at all?

Hollypaw comes along with the hunting party to look for tansy.

"It looks a lot like yarrow," Jaypaw whispered to her. "But it tastes more like grass than mouse bile."

"I know!" Hollypaw snapped.

Why was Jaypaw helping her? Lionpaw wondered.

Why is he asking? It's evident that Jaypaw knew what tansy is like and it's evident that these siblings have a much more affable relationship than Ten has with her sister, not to mention that Hollypaw hasn't proven herself familiar with herbs, so it seems natural that he would try to help her.

Graystripe turned back to face them. "There's no scent of fox here," he meowed. "And not too much cover for prey. This looks like a good spot to start the hunt."

Ten isn't claiming to be a wildlife expert, but she's thinking that wherever there isn't much cover, there isn't much prey, when it comes to the sort they're looking for.

This hunting contest is supposed to be a race and yet they appear to be... taking turns.

Readers don't have to suffer through that for long, however, because at last ShadowClan is making a move.

Jaypaw rushed forward, spitting. Brightheart grabbed his tail in her teeth and hauled him backward.

Two things:
1. That has got to hurt.
2. Brightheart's jaws must be made of some hardcore muscle. Cats don't like to go backwards when you pull their tails, so she would have had to drag his entire body weight. Even though he's an apprentice, that's no small feat.

"ThunderClan isn't what it used to be. Filled with kittypets and cripples and worn-out deputies."

Not only is Graystripe not the deputy, but he isn't worn out either. Old, yes, but the journey couldn't have been so onerous that he's still tired from it even now. Plus every Clan has cripples at some point or another. Aside from those detractions, though, Ten agrees that ThunderClan is too soft about inviting cats to join.

"ThunderClan is hardly a read Clan anymore - it's half kittypet," Oakfur put in. "I'm sure StarClan agrees that only true warriors are entitled to hunt on Clan territory."

Silly Oakfur. StarClan has a favorite, and it's not ShadowClan.


Chapter 15
Alternative Title: The Part With the Fighting

"Go back to camp and tell Firestar to bring help." Graystripe's hiss sounded in Lionpaw's ear. "Now!"

Lionpaw turned and pelted away into the trees. He hated leaving Jaypaw and Hollypaw, but without help the battle was already lost.

"Stop him!"

He heard Russetfur's yowl, and the rustle of paws upon leaves.

Lionpaw glanced over his shoulder.

Don't be stupid.

Lionpaw dodged through a thick bramble swath, hoping that his small size would let him escape the ShadowClan warrior. But as he slipped out of the other side and glanced backward-

Don't be stupider.

When Lionpaw bursts into camp with the news, Gramps sits on his flame-colored hind and wastes time talking instead of doing.

Millie appeared from behind the warriors' den. "I'm coming with you."

Lionpaw stared at her in astonishment. She was a kittypet!

"Okay," Firestar agreed. "But don't take any risks."

Isn't entering a battle taking a risk? Isn't Clan more important than this snotty kittypet?

Hollypaw ducked under Graystripe and shot out from beneath him, nipping the ShadowClan deputy on her hind leg with such ferocity that the warrior whipped around, claws flashing, and lunged at Hollypaw.

How tall is Graystripe that Hollypaw can duck under him like that?

According to the grammar here, she's shooting from beneath him and nipping her enemy at the same exact time (was the ShadowClan deputy beneath Graystripe, too?). Also, "nipping" with "ferocity" has Ten amused. She can't imagine nipping being ferocious, seeing as "nip" means "small bite", emphasis on small.

"Nice work!" Graystripe called.

As he spoke, two ShadowClan cats slammed into him, knocking him to the ground. The larger of the pair, a black tom, pressed him to the ground, while the smaller white she-cat reared on her hind legs, flexing her long claws, ready to crash down on Graystripe's head.

Cats don't fight by trying to crush each other.

At once Hollypaw darted behind him and knocked the tom's paws out from under him.

That's easy enough for a human to do, but a cat? Even if a human hits a cat's paws, the cat doesn't fall over. He or she just picks up their paws.

Lionpaw and Hollypaw then team up and fight by "jabbing and slashing with their forepaws". This has Ten thinking of rock'em sock'em robots.

Page 211 has the (now compulsory?) use of "suddenly".

Firestar leaped to his paws and whipped around to grab Oakfur by the scruff. As he held Oakfur in his jaws, he kicked out with his powerful hind legs and sent the white warrior sprawling into the bracken.

Cats don't have back legs strong enough to do that, even if they could get a good aim. This can only mean one thing. Firestar is a horse.

Then he flung Oakfur with all his might against a tree. Oakfur hit it with such force that the branches trembled and he fell to the ground, dazed.

um... a supernatural horse?

Erin Hunter must be making a decided effort to annoy Ten. She uses both "thorn-sharp" and "suddenly" on one page [212]. On a more positive note, the ThunderClanners rub enough of their combined brain cells together to form a strategy.

Owlpaw tried to duck, but Jaypaw had learned that trick, and the instant Owlpaw lowered his head, Jaypaw leaped on top of him and rolled the ShadowClan apprentice onto his back. He clung to his fur and raked his hind claws along Owlpaw's spine until the ShadowClan apprentice begged for mercy.

If Owlpaw is on his back, how can Jerkface claw his spine?

The ShadowClan warriors were beginning to trip on the brambles, struggling as much against the thorns that clawed their pelts as against the ThunderClan warriors who were forcing them farther and farther into the bush.

Either (a) these warriors are lame, or (b) these thorns are epic, with jetpacks and killer lasers. Ten's hoping that the Erins have been deceiving everyone this whole time, the thorns are epic, and Firestar is a zombie horse.

Would anyone consider it a spoiler that ThunderClan wins?

"I've lost a chunk of fur from my tail," Spiderleg spat. "But it was worth it if ShadowClan thinks twice before trying to steal our territory again."

Cat fur isn't like human hair. As an instinctive reaction, cats shed when scared or nervous, meaning everyone loses fur in a battle. However, it doesn't leave them with bald patches, that Ten knows of.

Ashfur flicked Lionpaw's shoulder with his tail.

After losing Squirrelflight, Ashfur changes his preferences.

"And you showed Owlpaw that he's no match for a ThunderClan apprentice," Lionpaw mewed to Jaypaw. The mottled apprentice was padding along quietly, tail down.

Jerkface is mottled? Ten thought he was a gray tabby.

Jaykit was curled up tight in the moss, a bundle of striped gray fur.

So... he's both striped and spotted? If so, that must mean he has the tortoiseshell gene, which makes him yet another tortie tom.

[duckyaisha]

I think the mottled-tabby thing was just the Erins typing the wrong word.
Although you never can tell....

Great, now I picture Lionpaw and Hollypaw as red and blue robots with shiny antenna punching cats.

[Ten]

"I think the mottled-tabby thing was just the Erins typing the wrong word."
--
Speaking of which, they must have a sloppy editor.


"Great, now I picture Lionpaw and Hollypaw as red and blue robots with shiny antenna punching cats."
--
They're better that way; believe me.

[duckyaisha]

They're better that way; believe me.

---x---

Yes, definitely.

[Brain]

"Speaking of which, they must have a sloppy editor."
---
Doesn't everyone? (Sadly.)

[Ten]

"Doesn't everyone?"
--
No.

Chapter 16
Alternative Title: Destiny Sucks

All his life he had imagined growing up to be a warrior. Why would he feel that way if StarClan had planned another destiny for him?

Because (a) StarClan can't/shouldn't be able to control emotions and (b) you can't always get what you want.

Brambleclaw takes it upon himself to raise a ruckus by reporting ShadowClan's "racist" remarks. Ten has seen some people refer to not welcoming all nonClanborn outsiders with open arms and support for warrior blood as racist. This amuses her, and she's considering writing a few things on that topic as well. Back to the topic at hand.

Anxiety flashed from Dustpelt. "But there is truth in what ShadowClan says." The tabby warrior's words cracked the air like a stone hitting ice.

Way to break the ice, Dusty.

That night Jerkface decides to visit the Moonpool alone and is glad Brackenfur doesn't make a "fuss" (psst, there's this thing called a thesaurus) about him going out. He's also glad to leave "the noisy buzz and flow of the Clan", even though Ten thought most of it was asleep. Does everyone snore...?

Have you ever realized how creepy and cultish StarClan is?

"You are welcome, Jaypaw."

"Come, Jaypaw."

Scents flooded around him, the scents of cats he had no memory of, yet who seemed familiar.

"Dream with us, Jaypaw."

"Come with us to Candy Mountain, Charlie. Candyyy Mouuuntainnn."

Jerkface dreams and finds himself (able to see) in StarClan territory, but no one's around (What? But they were just there...?).

Why had all those voices welcomed him to the hollow and then not come to greet him?

Good question.

Why did StarClan have to make everything so difficult?

Good question.

As just repayment for their fickle behavior, Jerkface heads through the mist and enters the Dark Forest, where he meets Tigerstar and Hawkfrost.

Outlined against the fog, they shared the same strong shoulders and broad muzzle.

They were standing sideways? Or is there some way to see the outline of a cat's muzzle when facing it head-on?

It's odd - Jerkface says he's heard of Tigerstar and "the terrible things he had done", yet he doesn't feel hate or fear or disgust or anything that Ten would expect someone to feel when meeting someone so infamous.

"At least Hollypaw is finally starting to realize that her destiny does not lie in pandering to the weak and the sick."

"Hollypaw?" Jaypaw echoed. What did Tigerstar know about his sister's destiny?

But instead of asking what Tigerstar knows about his sister's destiny, he just repeats her name as if he's forgotten who she is.

Then Spottedsue comes along and acts all holier-than-thou.

"Who's there?" Tigerstar called.

"I have come to fetch Jaypaw back where he belongs."

"...but since that's such a long name (and not to mention embarrassing - what were my parents thinking?) my friends just call me Spottedleaf."

Tigerstar glared at the medicine cat. "How did you cross the border?"

It helps if you can speak English and aren't smuggling Cuban cigars.

"I come with the permission of StarClan," Spottedleaf replied, meeting his gaze with a challenging stare.

"Did they give Jaypaw permission too?" Tigerstar inquired, tipping his head to one side.

Spottedleaf did not answer.

Rude.

"What about Tigerstar and Hawkfrost? Can they come too?"

"They have chosen their own path," Spottedleaf replied.

If you mean no, say no. Ya lahwy. You don't have any reason to be evasive about any of this.

Tigerstar's eyes blazed like fire even after his pelt had been swallowed by the gloom.

That's another thing StarClan lacks: the power to have glowing eyeballs. Dark Forest for the win.

Spottedleaf drew to a halt. "You must not go there again," she told him.

"Why not?" Jaypaw asked.

Erin Hunter keeps up her steady flow of unnecessary dialogue tags and Spottedsue doesn't answer him (what is her problem?).

"You came to find out where your true destiny lies, didn't you?"

Jaypaw blinked. "How did you know?"

It's obvious; that's how.

"Why does StarClan make it so hard to get answers?"

"Because they fear for you," Spottedleaf answered, her eyes darkening.

That's right, folks. StarClan is ahead of the game. They've figured out that in this book, having intelligence is dangerous.

Also, Spottedsue tells him he has to become a medicine cat.

Why?

Because.

Why?

Just. Because. That is all.

"So I can visit StarClan! Big deal!"

"It is a big deal!" Spottedleaf hissed.

"But where does it get me?" Jaypaw argued. "The rest of my Clan think I'm useless."

"They don't know the power that you have."

"Power?" Jaypaw echoed.

Having hearing problems?

So is Spottedsue implying the Clan does think Jerkface is useless and wouldn't if they knew about his super specialness? Begging your pardon, but of what actual use are these... er... powers?

Jerkface blurts another "It's not fair!", which Ten just mistyped as "It's not friar!"

"Your gift is not a burden," she whispered.

uh, but he wasn't saying it was a burden? It's not the gift he minds; it's the strings attached.

"But you must be brave, because it has more power than the sharpest claw."

He has to be brave because he's powerful? What?

Then she butt-shushes him and forces him to leave. That's just wrong, people.

The hollow was filled with starlight - he knew it as surely as if he could see it. The Moonpool was radiant beneath the brilliant light, and every rock and stone shone like crystal.

So how does he know all this?

Accept your destiny, Jaypaw.

And in that instant, he realized that however many moons he searched, and however far he ran, he would never escape what he had known all along.

Why not? No, she knows because of destiny blah blah blah, but why? Why does he have to follow his "destiny"? When do readers get to see him spit in destiny's face? It would be so much better than watching him complain about it.