Post by Ten on Dec 5, 2009 23:29:17 GMT -5
Chapter 25
Alternative Title: Dances and Digs
The whole Clan had been tiptoeing around him like mice since the daylight Gathering had been announced, too scared to say out loud what he knew they'd all been thinking--that he would be useless in any apprentice contest.
Why can't Jerkface climb trees? That was one of the contests, was it not?
Page 342 and 346 each have a "suddenly", while page 344 has Icekit wailing "It's not fair", making this an official motif, and when Jerkface gets the "it's not fair" urge on page 346, he manages to control himself. If the Erins meant this book to have any point at all, it's to show Jerkface figuring out that life isn't fair. As soon as this happens he gets a vision of dying. Would you call that irony?
The fur along Lionpaw's spine was spiked with excitement.
However, poor Mousepaw was unaware of this, and after too many trips to the Lionpaw's spine fur bowl, he found himself slurring his speech, struggling with coordination, and seeing pink elephants. This resulted in a tragic accident after he made the fatal decision to get behind the wheel.
The Kitty Olympics begins and there's a fight between Hollypaw and Heatherpaw that begins on page 348 (guess who wins) that doesn't make any sense. Ten's picturing the Erins planning it out using action figures whose jumps allow them to suspend themselves midair for however long they need. Cats don't shoot themselves at each other like projectiles. They don't rear up or duck or turn into banana peels or "scoot" between their opponent's legs. The Erins might (maybe) be okay at writing human fight scenes, but cat fight scenes are a definite no. Ten will provide the scene here for your convenience but refrain from specific commentary (aside from this quick mention that the fourth paragraph gets full marks for absurdity), as the whole thing is too much of a mess.
Heatherpaw leaped. She crashed into Hollypaw, bowling her over. Hollypaw felt teeth grip her scruff, not hard enough to break the skin, but firm enough to make her freeze with alarm. She couldn't be beaten this easily! Heatherpaw had caught her like a rabbit.
Thinking quickly, Hollypaw tucked her head and kicked out with her hind legs. She somersaulted forward, taking Heatherpaw with her and sending the WindClan apprentice sprawling onto her back. Free of her grip, Hollypaw leaped up, spun around, and flew at Heatherpaw. But her rival had rolled out of the way. Seething, Hollypaw landed on bare grass.
She glanced sideways. Heatherpaw was darting toward her. Energy flashed in her paws, and she leaped high into the air. As Heatherpaw skidded wildly beneath her, Hollypaw crashed down onto the confused WindClan cat's back. Wrapping her paws around her opponent, she rolled Heatherpaw over and began pummeling her with her hind paws.
Heatherpaw, slippery as a snake, wriggled free of her grasp. She reared onto her hind legs and faced Hollypaw with flailing forepaws. Hollypaw rose to meet her, and the two apprentices battled like dancing hares.
"Finish her, Heatherpaw!" Crowfeather called.
"Knock her off her paws!" Brackenfur yowled.
What do you think I'm trying to do?
Hollypaw's muzzle was beginning to sting. Heatherpaw's blows were strong and well aimed, and Hollypaw didn't want this to go on for much longer. Taking a deep breath, she ducked, leaving Heatherpaw flapping her paws at thin air. She scooted between Heatherpaw's hind legs, unbalancing the WindClan apprentice. Then she twisted and sank her teeth--careful not to draw blood--into Heatherpaw's scruff, pressing her chin into the ground. Heatherpaw let out an angry wail, struggling furiously, but Hollypaw had dug her claws into the earth on either side of the WindClan apprentice. Heatherpaw could not get free.
This whole passage speaks for itself.
"Hollypaw is the winner!"
Would a loss from a viewpoint character be too much to ask for?
"Good work, Hollypaw!" Brambleclaw rushed over and swept his tail over his daughter's flank.
Erin Hunter decided to balance out the mother-son incestuous caressing with some father-daughter incestuous caressing.
You can guess what word page 350 starts with. It brings this book's total to twice that of Into the Wild. Also, Jerkface is rushing to save his brother's life, which picks up the pace and livens things up a bit (no, that's not a pun, everyone knows Lionpaw's not going to die).
There was an old badger set near the border, dug out of a fox den. His mother had described it to him. She had helped chase a badger from it long ago, soon after the four Clans came to the lake.
People debate all sorts of issues in these books, but has anyone ever noticed the discrimination based on species? Cats aren't the only sentient animals, correct? Yet no one sees a problem with invading and running a badger out of its home? The Clans demonize humans for the exact thing they do themselves.
There's another "suddenly" on the same page.
He gazed around blindly, wondering where Lionpaw was.
Jerkface, the blind cat, is gazing around blindly. Who would've known?
Are the Erins trying to prove that he's not in another of his special dreams, despite that it's obvious? Or are they reminding readers that Jerkface can't see, despite it having been evident for quite a time now?
He could smell Lionpaw.
Then Breezepaw.
Then squirrel.
Was this not supposed to be funny? That is, of course Jerkface is identifying the scents around him while on his rescue mission, and the squirrel is leading up to an explanation of how the catastrophe (that
The whole realization-of-how-it-happened sounds too... contrived. In fact, why is it even there? The scene would come off as more urgent if Jerkface didn't stop and think about what caused it. Not knowing would better serve the mood that this moment should have. Instead, Erin Hunter tries for tension by using "suddenly" on pages 351 and 352.
Suddenly his paws brushed against fur. With a rush of hope, he hooked his claws into it and heaved with all his strength. The fur wriggled and fought in his grip, struggling to push forward until Jaypaw could scrabble far enough back to drag the body out of the soil.
Would it be rash to deem that impossible?
"Your paws are smallest," she told Jaypaw. "Reach into his mouth and clear as much dirt as you can."
...and then he does.
No question. That's impossible, folks.
Another "suddenly" surfaces on page 354. Breezepaw doesn't die, but unlike Lionpaw, he doesn't get any more dialogue.
Lionpaw had managed to stagger back to the ThunderClan camp on his own paws. Hollypaw and Squirrelflight had pressed against either side of him to take some of his weight, while Brambleclaw had rushed to fetch Firestar.
Nightcloud had carried Breezepaw like a kit.
Not only is this elevating the strength of ThunderClan over that of WindClan, but adult cats can't carry adolescent cats. Also, would what Hollypaw and Squirrelflight are doing to Lionpaw have any effect as far as making walking easier for him?
"I'll make sure they sleep," Nightcloud meowed. Jaypaw heard the swish of her tail as she swept it rhythmically over the earth-powered pelts of the two apprentices.
It's a tail, Nightcloud, not a broom.
"You were so brilliant." Hollypaw's breath tickled his ear.
Her comment made his ears hot with embarrassment. Why did she have to treat him like a hero?
Why is Hollypaw breathing her warm breath right in Jerkface's ear? Or is she such a heavy breather that it carries over the distance?
Not long ago, this same medicine cat apprentice was complaining that everyone thought he was a useless kit. Now he's getting "hero" treatment and he doesn't want that either. There's no pleasing him. Do the Erins know he's being inconsistant? Is that on purpose? Is this a deliberate display of a brat who doesn't know what he wants, or do the authors not know what they're doing?
He felt her stare burning his pelt.
Can blind people feel stares? Jerkface may be a special little emotion reader, but a stare isn't an emotion.
There's another suddenly on page 356, some stuff happens, and Jerkface doesn't want to tell his sister that he can see in dreams.
If StarClan thought he was trying to show off, they might take his one chance at sight away.
Special child that he is, he doesn't remember that StarClan doesn't have any control over his powers, considering he can spy on them.
He felt her mind teeming with questions.
Okay, now Jerkface can feel minds as well as emotions. He's not feeling her curiosity; he's feeling her mind.
Anyone else picture this as a bunch of question marks flopping around inside her head like a school of fish in a net? Ten associates the verb "teeming" with nature shows, e.g. "The coral reef is teeming with life." Anyway...
Then it cleared and a purr rumbled in her throat.
She must've used Nightcloud's tail as a broom.
The cats fell silent, and Jaypaw sensed their gazes turn toward the ThunderClan leader like the sun shifting in the sky.
There he goes, feeling gazes again.
"I have talked with Leopardstar, Blackstar, and Onestar, and we have decided that the contest is a draw," Firestar went on. "Every Clan showed itself to be worthy of StarClan's approval."
Since when was this a contest for StarClan's approval? If it were, it's clear who the sole victor would be.
Onestar throws in a "That's not fair!", keeping the meme alive, and Hollypaw's pride surges in her pelt. What is it with these cats and feeling emotions with their fur? Ten has commented on this before, has she not? Do people emote with their scalps where the Erins come from? They must have an interesting dialect.
"She wears her hair on her sleeve."
"Follow your hair."
"Absence makes the hair grow fonder."
"I promise I won't tell, cross my hair."
"My hair aches for you."
"I love you from the bottom of my hair."
Could blind cats be heroes? Jaypaw wondered.
It's a major slap in the face to blind people everywhere that he would ever doubt something like that. If a female character ever wondered, in genuine insecurity unfit for the society, "Could girls be heroes?" you know people would throw the book against the wall (and as an informative note, even in renowned patriarchal societies such as China, there are famed women who wore the pants, so to speak).
Page 361 offers a "suddenly" but not more Breezepaw dialogue, and Jerkface makes a "makeshift nest". Still no one has spoken up as to why these cats bother with nests.
There had been something wrong with the way Leafpool spoke to him just then. It was if she were wary of him.
Isn't she always? He's blown up at her before, so it'd be no wonder.
No. He must've imagined it.
Oh yes, of course. He's doubted his powers and found them faulty so many times before, hasn't he? This must not be important. </facetiousness>
Two more "suddenly"s on pages 362 and 363 as Jerkface finds out about the prophecy through Firestar's dream.
Leafpool was right to be wary of him. All his Clanmates should be. And not just of him, but of Lionpaw and Hollypaw as well.
One day we will be so powerful that we shall command even StarClan!
So seeing that this is another villain, does the series have any heroes?
The Good
"Fuss", Ten has learned, gets a lot of usage in Britain, so ten appearances is nothing to complain about. The "not fair" meme turned out to be a sort of motif, albeit one without proper handling, but it's not a significant problem either.
The Bad
Graystripe's pelt is (and perhaps always has been) unrealistic, Mudfur turns out to be another tortie tom, and cats can do whatever they darn please with their tails. It's still okay to insult Yellowfang. Firestar's descendants retain his contrived conclusions, unintelligence, untruthfulness, and evasiveness. Dogs are punching bags who only gain full mobility once beaten. Fur "swishes".
Uses of "Suddenly": at least twenty-eight
The Ugly
The story is different, but the writing is no better, and the fight scenes are even worse (plus the development of using tails for affectionate touching is disturbing). The Sight does not surpass Into the Wild in plot development or vivid description. As for character development, perhaps this book does have some measure more, if having identifiable traits counts as character development. With no stirring plot, no storytelling skill, and no moving characters, what is it you keep reading for?
