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Post by kitty on Jul 22, 2009 10:50:42 GMT -5
I'm going with the "being stupid" scenario.
I want her to die by rats, gosh darnit...
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Post by Ten on Jul 22, 2009 10:52:24 GMT -5
So she has a mental disability?
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Post by kitty on Jul 22, 2009 10:58:12 GMT -5
Yes. Psycho mother.
Hmm... do cats have stress disorders?
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Post by Ten on Jul 22, 2009 11:57:15 GMT -5
I would think so.
Go into that with the History, then.
"While trying to escape, Shadowfur was dragged down by a rat, or so he thought."
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Why can't he tell the difference between his father and a rat?
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Post by kitty on Jul 26, 2009 11:32:27 GMT -5
Why can't he tell the difference between his father and a rat?
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First sensory details. You wouldn't jump to the immediate conclusion that your own father was trying to bring you down. Yes, rat's claws compared with cat's claws are very different but running for your life kinda takes precedence over making that distinction.
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Post by Ten on Jul 26, 2009 13:23:16 GMT -5
He couldn't see him?
He couldn't tell the difference in weight?
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Post by kitty on Aug 4, 2009 22:23:50 GMT -5
He couldn't see him?
He couldn't tell the difference in weight?
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Running away and not looking back. Looking back slows you down so he was just hi-tailing it out of there as fast as he could.
It would register almost immediately that, yes, the rat is lighter than his father but those first couple seconds he would think it was a rat. Then it would click and things go boom! from there.
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Post by Ten on Aug 5, 2009 8:01:45 GMT -5
"Thintail was chasing a lizard that ran into a big group of rats. Feeling only the need to feed her young kits, she didn't back down when the rats warned her with hisses and growls not to come any closer."
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She couldn't go around them?
"No matter what Copperpelt yelled at her, Thintail's decision to keep her kits alive wouldn't back down."
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Her decision wouldn't back down?
"that sentence is necessary"
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I was confused for a stupid moment there, thinking, why is Shadowfur thinking this? Anyway, can't you stick it into the next paragraph?
"Copperpelt often told his kits the stories and lore of the Clans long past. He was a Clanner,"
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But you said he was a loner?
"Feeling like their food was in danger,"
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You haven't said why they would feel that way.
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Post by kitty on Aug 16, 2009 11:51:16 GMT -5
She couldn't go around them?
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She wanted that lizard. I've added that she's got a one-track mind. Plus the rats probably would've killed it for their own stomachs (I put that in there). There would be no point to going around.
Her decision wouldn't back down?
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Edited
can't you stick it into the next paragraph?
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It doesn't feel like it's flowing correctly. ><
But you said he was a loner?
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So he can't support forming Clan?
You haven't said why they would feel that way.
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Edited
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Post by Ten on Aug 16, 2009 14:00:43 GMT -5
"I've added that she's got a one-track mind."
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You mean one-half a mind?
"Plus the rats probably would've killed it"
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The lizard?
"So he can't support forming Clan?"
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Of course he can, but if he does, he's not a loner. Did you read the terminology thread? Being a loner and not enjoying company are different in the way horses and Thoroughbreds are different - they overlap but do not equate.
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