Russetheart

[steph]

"Can you give an example?"
---
Pebblestorm was always pressuring Russetheart into being a con, even to a point where it was ridiculous. One day as Russetheart was eating a lizard she'd caught with some friends, Pebblestorm told her not to eat it, since her friends were Clanners. She told Russetheart that her meal was tainted by disgusting Clanners, and she'd better not turn out like one of them. Incidents like this happened far too much.

[Ten]

"One day as Russetheart was eating a lizard she'd caught with some friends, Pebblestorm told her not to eat it, since her friends were Clanners. She told Russetheart that her meal was tainted by disgusting Clanners, and she'd better not turn out like one of them."
--
Okay, there's one.

When she first explained the con viewpoint to her, did she leave it at that and expect her to take to it, or did she keep repeating political lectures that Russet had already heard before?

Perhaps when she was old enough, she allowed her to scamper about and meet some kits/apprentices around her own age, whom she befriended. Then, after she'd known them a while, her mother found out that some of them were Clanners and then she forbade her to speak with them.

But that raises a question as to why she'd let her befriend a cat before getting the scoop on their political views, if she's supposed to be very invasive about it.

If Pebble prohibited her from speaking to Clanners, but did so herself (believing herself better equipped to handle their verbal attacks and propaganda), that could make her look hypocritical in Russet's eyes.

[steph]

"When she first explained the con viewpoint to her, did she leave it at that and expect her to take to it, or did she keep repeating political lectures that Russet had already heard before?"
---
Pebble never left it at that. She was always repeating the same lectures.

"If Pebble prohibited her from speaking to Clanners, but did so herself (believing herself better equipped to handle their verbal attacks and propaganda), that could make her look hypocritical in Russet's eyes."
---
Okay.

Before Pebblestorm allowed Russetheart to venture out by herself, she forbade her daughter from speaking to Clanners. However, Russetheart noticed that her mother often spoke to Clanners for the fun of yelling at them, and she ignored that rule. Pebblestorm was unaware of the fact that her closest friends were Clanners until she'd already made up her mind to become one.

[Ten]

/goes back to reread the whole bio.


"Her one-sidedness started out being restricted to fights against cons, but as she continued getting in verbal fights, she became more stubborn and one-sided in all aspects of her life.

Russetheart is quick to take control over a situation, but not in a bossy sort of way. She automatically knows how to get everyone together and organized without injuring any feelings. She gives off the exact kind of friendly yet wise vibe that lets others know that she knows what she's doing, and they can follow her without feeling shafted."
--
You jump from a negative portrayal to a positive portrayal. She's stubborn and pugnacious, but not too bossy and doesn't hurt feelings? The way it's written feels a little contradictory. I suggest, when describing how she thinks... well, describing how she thinks, instead of talking about how others feel about her actions (if you want, specific examples of cats reacting to her leadership skills can go in her history).


"Pebblestorm was unaware of the fact that her closest friends were Clanners until she'd already made up her mind to become one."
--
Do you see how this sentence could be confusing?


"When Russetheart ventured out of her mother's constant watch for the first time, she became friendly with some of the other young cats living in the enclosure. The other cats were perfect strangers to Russetheart, but once her mother didn't have to constantly watch her, she stopped paying extreme attention to her, except for lessons. Russetheart was free to explore the enclosure during most of the day."
--
You say they were strangers, "but" her mother wasn't watching her.
...Why do you use the word "but"? That doesn't seem like a contradiction.
Try cleaning up this paragraph a little for chronology.


"Russetheart liked organization, and also having someone to depend on. Neither of her parents really gave her that."
--
Are you imaging this need for structure as genetic, then?


"Pebblestorm was always pushing Russetheart to become her clone, so it was a little bit of a rebellious thing as well. She hated the fact that her mother was always trying to force her to form a certain opinion."
--
This doesn't mean anything.
It's sort of undermined by how, just a paragraph ago, you made it sound like Pebblestorm stopped paying close attention to what she did.


At this point, I'm going to ask you to reread what you've written for the History. If you'll just look it over, you'll see that there some places where you could stitch the story together in a smoother fashion -- there's some hopping around and repetition that could be ironed out.


"If she notices that one of her friends is constantly being teased and hurt by the same cat, Russetheart will immediately take a stand and fight for her friend, but she isn't irrational."
--
This too seems to contradict the hot-headed image of her you presented in her views. She can't be all that stubborn and pugnacious without being irrational too. Don't be so afraid to let your character's personality look bad to other characters, or even yourself.


"Her mother had isolated her from the other cats her age,"
--
This also contradicts what you've said earlier.


"Russetheart has developed and grown in many ways. Russetheart has been by a dying elder's side to comfort them in their last moments, although she barely knew the cat. The elder, a blind she-cat named Patchfoot, had lost her entire family, and Russetheart took pity on the dying cat, and sat by her until the end. She loves to play a large game of tag with a group of riled up kits if she sees them and her patience with them is rarely seen in other cats. It doesn't matter who the kits are--she's always ready to play, simply because she loves kits so much.

However, Russetheart isn't perfect. Growing up the the way she has, Russetheart is often very one-sided and stubborn on things. Unsurprisingly, being a Clanner is one of them. Although she isn't quick to get into a physical fight, she will easily verbally fight other cats, and she secretly enjoys a good debate. Mostly these fights are with cons, but they can be around other issues as well. Russetheart has fought over something as unimportant as where the best sleeping place in the enclosure is."
--
I have a hunch that you're struggling to decide whether to make this character warm and caring or aggressive and argumentative. Once you decide which outlook fits her best and what to focus on as her main motive in life, you should have an easier time describing who she is.

[steph]

I'm going to reply to that post as a whole before going through everything, as I'm on a time limit right now. See, when I started giving her flaws, I didn't delete the other things, and it made her whole bio messy. I want to keep her warm side along with her argumentative side. I like the agressive side of her, but I don't want the focus as much on that. Considering the fact that her suffix is -heart, I think that I should speak about that more.

[Ten]

Hey Steph, post again and let staff know when you have rearranged it to your liking.