just stab my eyes out already

[✖ s a n n i]

Just ranting about poor warrior names and roleplaying in general (though I shouldn't talk). Yes, I have the occasional unreasonable name, but the names I've seen are ridiculous.

First Incident: (Ranks in a Guild) "Deputy: Starstream"
~x~
I was praying for that Deputy to become leader.

Second Incident: (In Some Roleplays) "name ravenstar
rank leader
age 22 moons (jaywing is 22moons in this rp)
tom
short jet black fur
green
kind and caring natural leader and very loyal
8 lives leaft"
~x~
NAME: RAVENSTAR. I need some sort of separation between "Name" and "Ravenstar". And all the other ones too.
"jaywing is 22moons in this rp" -- Do we really care?
"green" -- What is green?
"8 lives leaft" -- at least spell left right. Please.

Third Incident: "Ravenstar woke up in his new den he had only been leader for a little while and stood up streaching. His muscular fram rippled under his black pelt as he walked outside and sat down on the leadge next to his den. He began to watch the camp come alive in the morning leaf-bare light."
~x~
No periods. This is like a huge gigantic run-on sentence here. Spelling errors. Lots of them. Leaf-bare has light? And I guess saying that his muscular form can ripple under his pelt is a good use of figurative language. That's what I would use, anyway. I don't know how else you would describe that.

So anyone have any other incidents they've seen where they want to just burn the computer screen? (Or maybe from the books even? I know Cloud is having a lot of fun picking apart Bluestar's Prophecy.)

[Cloud]

I am, I am, I am. XD

[duckyaisha]

Actually, it says fram instead of form which it makes it even funnier.

[Ten]

" 'green' -- What is green?"
--
Kinda forgot to say, didn't they? x3


"Leaf-bare has light?"
--
Yup.


"And I guess saying that his muscular form can ripple under his pelt is a good use of figurative language."
--
If it actually ripples, it's not figurative.


"Actually, it says fram instead of form which it makes it even funnier."
--
lol fram. That sounds like some horrible woman's name (horrible name for a woman, not name of a woman who is horrible).

Sanni, you're making me miss the hilarity of the Neoboards. Let's see what old relics I've saved...


"Her base color is white, but she has red tabby stripes and calico spots. She has a black 'star' on her forehead, and on her left side. She has amber-white eyes, and she has red on her ears. The tips of her ears are black."


"ooc: Actually, when she was a kit, she climed to a high mountain, when another clan leader tried to get her, she fell on some sharp stones and passed out. Everyone thought she was dead, but then she opened her eyes, and everyone saw that she was alive. But she had terrible a terrible scar that wouldn't go away, so she was named Scarkit."


" 'Not all cats huh? Well you know who did that to me?!!? My DAD!! 'She yowled the word dad like it was an insect ready to be crushed"

{Something about that simile doesn't work.}


"History: Never payed attention to his mentor. Instead of using scents and his hearing he'd much rather use his vision. When he was just an apprentice he was known for catching a giant eagle using his powerful hind legs for jumping up high in the air."


"Her black pelt seemed like it was made of the shadows that lurked every nightmare that any cat had had. Her eyes seemed to reflect the light of the full moon. Her smell even reeked of the evil that she had done in her life. Her claws were stained by the blood of the cats that she had killed. She loved to kill and that was all she did. She doesn't know why but she does.Oh, her name? It is the most feared of them all. Her named is Death, for whenever she was spotted, a cat died."


"she sheiked."

{I know it's just a typo, but sheik is an actual word.}


"Dawnheart was shocked when she felt Saber's teeth meet her throat. She looked down at him, and bit again, not letting go. Finally, Dawnheart managed to close her entire mouth around his throat, breaking his neck."


{One time, when I was told to leave a board for commenting on intros, I noticed that the person who posted the following intro was allowed to stay.}

"Name: Peaceful
age: 16
Gender: she-unicorn
Rank: warrrior
Eyes: Blue
Body: Strong and can transfer into back to human
LOve: looking and is lonley"


"my name is bliss paw i don't have a mentor yet i was found on dawn patrol my mom dad abounded me a queen took care of me i usaly help out in the nursery im 6 moons old"


{This is a set of board rules.}

"1. Only betas can have powers
2. Only deltas can have wings
3. The alpha male gets nothing
4. and only the alpha female can GM and PP and have both wings and powers and I am the alpha female."


"He was a little happy but a little sad."


"Flyterush stared at Tigerheart.
(let him see her pwease)"


"a young wolf ran down the trail her yellow fur blazing in the wind she had a white under belly and tip of her tail she wore a necklace with a blue stone it was from her mother and father that had died in wolf war two days after her birth she was a loner her name was zili she ran from her pack as a pup truamitised sometimes she lets her attitude take over or she faints for no reason"

{Not sure how serious that is. The following is the work of a crasher, of course, but it's a classic.}

"The wild mare looked at the rising moon. Her fur was chocolate brown. She was a half mare, half stallion. The wind blue on her black mane. She reared up, making her white mane glow red. her black fur got ruffled as she stomped her silver hooves, which were pitchblack. Her name was Spiderman!
She WAS BATMAN!"


"Name: Icefeather
Gender: Female
Rank: Warrior
Age: 4 winters
Eye Color: Bright Blue
Pelt Color: White pelt
Mate: None
Other: Agile, wears a blue feather tied around her ear"


"name: Kioke Hanamori
age: 14
love interest: Hidan
personality: quiet, shy, and religious. only speaks if she must.
goal: to kill yusuki akariu, the girl who killed her parents.
history: clan died of a disease
village: leaf
appearence: fiery orange hair, small glasses, red and black kimono and bombs in her hair."

{BOMBS IN HER HAIR.}


I've also seen "Her pelt rippled under her silver fur", "Her barely visible spotted pelt shone in the sun and rippled under her muscles", and "She had a horrible past." Yes. Those exact words.

[Rebecca]

" sentence here. Spelling errors. Lots of them. Leaf-bare has light? And I guess saying that his muscular form can ripple under his pelt is a good use of figurative language. That's what I would use, anyway. I don't know how else you would describe that."

I now have a mental image of a cat flexing while walking.

[duckyaisha]

"Her base color is white, but she has red tabby stripes and calico spots. She has a black 'star' on her forehead, and on her left side. She has amber-white eyes, and she has red on her ears. The tips of her ears are black."

BLACKASTAR!

Sorry, the first thing I thought of when I read that was BlackStar


"a young wolf ran down the trail her yellow fur blazing in the wind she had a white under belly and tip of her tail she wore a necklace with a blue stone it was from her mother and father that had died in wolf war two days after her birth she was a loner her name was zili she ran from her pack as a pup truamitised sometimes she lets her attitude take over or she faints for no reason"

Okay, I'm not going to comment on the horrific writing that would make even Stephenie Meyer cry with shame. I'm going to rant about the sheer absurdity of jewelry on wolves.
There is only ONE man-made object that belongs on a wolf in a realistc roleplay, and that's a little plastic tag that they get if humans catch them to measure the population or whatever. This tag is usually on the ear. (I think)
In a fantasy wolf roleplay, they still don't make sense. How did the wolf get said jewelry? Who made it? Why did they give it to a freaking WOLF? But even if all those questions can be answered logically, why would a wolf want jewelry in the first place? Necklaces are dangerous because if a wolf is running through the forest, it could easily get snagged on a tree branch and choke them. A bracelet could get snagged on a root or twig and make them fall. An enemy could grab the necklace and choke them, or grab the bracelet and knock them off their feet. Earrings are only put into the ears by piercing them, and if you don't put alcohol or some other sanitizing fluid on the wounds for a week or so, it'll get infected. JEWELRY IS DANGEROUS FOR WOLVES!


"History: Never payed attention to his mentor. Instead of using scents and his hearing he'd much rather use his vision. When he was just an apprentice he was known for catching a giant eagle using his powerful hind legs for jumping up high in the air."

Giant eagles can catch prey that weigh as much as they do. If an apprentice-age cat attacked an eagle, the eagle would win and kill said cat. Easily.

"my name is bliss paw i don't have a mentor yet i was found on dawn patrol my mom dad abounded me a queen took care of me i usaly help out in the nursery im 6 moons old"

Mom dad? What's a mom dad? Strike that, I don't want to know.

[Ten]

"JEWELRY IS DANGEROUS FOR WOLVES!"
--

Good point. It would be more realistic if in a fantasy role play (no, that's not paradoxical) they used "jewelry" to control prisoners. But then, why wolves would take a prisoner I'm not sure.

[Ten]

Found this on a list intro today.

"Pelt: Jet-black with a white moon shape upon his chest. His paws are furless. He tore the fur off with his teeth, and even pulled some skin away as well. Why? So his claws had an easier time scratching enemies."

[Darky [Megan]]

"The wild mare looked at the rising moon. Her fur was chocolate brown. She was a half mare, half stallion. The wind blue on her black mane. She reared up, making her white mane glow red. her black fur got ruffled as she stomped her silver hooves, which were pitchblack. Her name was Spiderman!
She WAS BATMAN!"
---
I lol'd at this one. Sounds like the work of a troll, really.


"Pelt: Jet-black with a white moon shape upon his chest. His paws are furless. He tore the fur off with his teeth, and even pulled some skin away as well. Why? So his claws had an easier time scratching enemies."
---
O____O

...

Naaah, he was probably just trying to fit in with the rest of the hairless-pawed cats. >.>

[duckyaisha]

....
That doesn't even make sense.