Wisper

[whisper]

Name~Wisper

gender~shecat

Age~18 moons (Young warrior)

physical description~Gray with black stripes.She is vary beutiful.

personallity~nice,but can be vary mean.She is a sharp tounge warrior.

kin~parents-Nick (dead and dad)
Loudnose (dead and mom)
Blackdiamond (unknown,and bro)

History~she grew up with her parents and they made a group with 5 other cats.we were called 'The Watchers' when i was born my mom named me wisper because my father was planning to kill me and she always wispered to me it would be all right.Now my father is dead from old age and my mom,Loudnose,died from my father,Nick,killing her.Her last words were, "evreything will be all right...". Now i dont speek to anyone and i kill anyone who messes with me.THE END!!!! ;D

RP ex.~ *She padded out of her den,the air was freash with mourning.*well,nice day. ;D
*Blackdiamond paded up to her* hello.it is a beutiful mourning,yes? *smiles*
*wisper smiled at him* yes,brother.
*blackdiamond disapered,his soul gone*
*wispered sighed* why am i so alone?
*Velvetslash walked out of the shadows* good day.How is my best friend doing? *smiles at Wisper*
*wispered sighed* why am i alone? i have friends,but my familiy is gone.my brother,my mother,i dont care about my dad.
*velvetslash licked her* you wont be alone,you have me,your brothers soul watching you,and all the luck you need.
*wisper nodded* you are right,im over agaterating.thank you. *licks Velvetslash* i need to go hunting.Bye! *dispers into the shdows*

[Ten]

Judging from this, you did see the character form. You'll need to use every section it specifies, and no extras. The choice of symbol for dividers after the headers, though, is up to you.

Why did her parent(s) name her Whisper? Seeing as most cats have two-part names, I'd also like to know why hers is one word -- I'm not saying it's prohibited, mind you, but there has to be some reason they chose not to give her a suffix.


"She grew up with a pack of rouges"
--
You mean rogues? So this pack, it was her family members plus some friends?

[whisper]

yep.and i will add the thing about my name.

[Ten]

The form does not include age, personality, or a role play example. You're still lacking a Views section. Use third person point of view only; this should be objective. Once you've got these things in order I'll go more in-depth about content.

[whisper]

ok

[Ten]

Though you still have first person pov in some sentences and you still have personality and age sections while lacking a views section (all of that needs fixing), I'll move along with this.

"Name~Wisper"
--
You mean Whisper? Why did her parents not give her a suffix?


"gender~shecat" <-- hyphenate


"Age~18 moons (Young warrior)" <-- delete this


"physical description~Gray with black stripes."
--
So she's a gray tabby?


"She is vary beutiful."
--
That's subjective. Some characters may think she's beautiful; some may not.


"personallity~nice,but can be vary mean.She is a sharp tounge warrior."
--
You need a views section, not a personality section.


"Loudnose (dead and mom)"
--
Why did her parents name her Loudkit?


"Blackdiamond (unknown,and bro)"
--
How would they know about diamonds?


"History~she grew up with her parents and they made a group with 5 other cats."
--
Who were they? What was the group for? Were they Clanners, cons, or both?


"we were called 'The Watchers'" <-- This is where you start using first person. Use third.
--
Why were they called the Watchers? What were they watching?


"my father was planning to kill me"
--
What would he want to do that for?


"RP ex.~ *She padded out of her den,the air was freash with mourning.*well,nice day."
--
You don't need an example, and you should remove this from the bio, but since you put it up here, I'll inform you that at Starless we use narrative format, with "quotes like this" for when a character speaks and normal sentences to describe actions, like in books.