Redtail

[ravyn]

Role player| Topaz
_____

Name| Redtail
Gender| She-cat

Physical Description| I have to admit that Redtail does look like a red panda. She has brown-red tabby pelt and has white fur on her paws, chest and the outer part of her face. Her eyes are the color of fog. This red she-cat has a long sized bushy tail. Her size? It's a medium size for a normal cat but she looks bigger than normal because of her thick fur.

Views| Redtail just wants random freedom. She doesn't want a leader. Nobody needs it. They're just doing fine without a leader. There are going to be so many changes if a leader butts in. She hates being bossed around. This cat has her own style of living and wants to keep it that way. Sharing and feeding other mouths? Poo.

Kin| All dead

History| Redtail just has a plain old history. Her past times weren't full of adventures and excitement. She was born in the enclosure and she started her training very early. Her mother, Gingerstripe has taught her all the things that she needs to know. Her father? It remains a mystery to all living things but nobody was really interested in solving it anyways.
She started training when she was she was quite young. And you might be thinking that she got her warrior name earlier but no. She still had to wait like other apprentices. Actually, more. The she-cat's mother had been sick so she didn't get the chance to give her warrior name until her last breath. Well, still Redtail is lucky because she at least got her warrior name.
Redtail wasn't sad to see her mother die. This feline felt so empty and lost. She didn't think about Gingerstripe's death but she thought about how lost she was going to be when there was nobody to support her. She had put on a poker face for a long time after her mother died. Life got so dark for her.

But now, she is just living her life like a normal cat. And incase you ask me what a 'normal cat' do then here is the answer;; Hunt, fight and talk with your denmates. Tell me, what else is there? Some things on her 'My Way of Living' list is to go on a little stroll and catch prey whenever she needs it. Sharing words with her friends is one of them too.

Picture ((please ignore the name written on there...:3 Mistake.

[Ten]

Red is a taken prefix.


"She has brown red" <-- hyphenate


"has white pelt" <-- markings?


"Her eyes are the color of fog (gray)."
--
You can remove "gray".


"This red she-cat has a long bushy tail."
--
Bushy as in long-haired?


"I do agree"
--
You make it sound as though some one else had said it first and now you're admitting it's true. I suggest taking out the bits in first person.


"that she looks bigger than normal because of her think fur." <-- thick?


"She doesn't want a leader for one word."
--
What do you mean, for one word?


"To give you a little taste of her personality,"
--
This isn't about her personality. However, you can imply and hint at it all you want, and even leave this sentence in if you remove this segment, just don't outright specify it as being her personality.


"Some things on her 'My Way of Living' list"
--
This can go under History.


"Sharing words is one of them too."
--
Sharing words? Would that be talking to other cats?


"Sharing and feeding other mouths? Poo."
--
The cats here refer to it as dirt, but I suppose that works too.


"Her pasts" <-- singular; make sure to change the verb as well


"It remains a mystery"
--
To who? Her? Her mother? Everyone?


"breaking the mystery"
--
You mean solving it?


"when she was 4~5 moons old."
--
You know they can't see the lunar phases, yes?


"The she-cat's mother had been sick so she didn't catch the chance"
--
Get the chance? What prevented her from giving one?


"Well, still she is lucky"
--
Clarify which "she".


"You might think"
--
You've used this sort of sentence twice so far. I suggest keeping everything in third person.


"She had no feelings to it." <-- toward it? for her? How could she have no feelings about a death?


"She didn't know what to feel and what she was feeling."
--
You just said she didn't have any feelings.

[ravyn]

0.0
Wow...lot's of mistakes..
Then is it okay if I change it to Flamepelt?
or does the name not fit her pelt? Already Taken?

and I changed all the things except for this:



"The she-cat's mother had been sick so she didn't catch the chance"
--
Get the chance? What prevented her from giving one?

--x---

Sickness prevented her from giving a warrior name.
If your mom is sick, for example, she has scarlet fever and is weak to even go to the bathroom then do you think that she can give you a new name?? :3 I don't think so.

[Ten]

"Wow...lot's of mistakes.."
--
'skay, everyone starts out with a lot.


"Then is it okay if I change it to Flamepelt?"
--
How would they know about fire?
For a list of what prefixes are and aren't taken, look here.


"do you think that she can give you a new name?"
--
What sort of disease is this? One that impairs both the mind and throat?

[ravyn]

Is "blood" ok?
Bwah! Can't think of a good name. ;__;

What sort of disease is this? One that impairs both the mind and throat?

---x---

No. And if it is a disease like that then she wouldn't even give you a name AT ALL. But ______tail got a name right before she died...
So....Black cough....maybe?
I'm lost....-.- Have any suggestions?? ;3

[Ten]

Blood? hm... since cats can't be the sort of bright crimson as blood is, no.


"So....Black cough....maybe?
I'm lost....-.- Have any suggestions?"
--
For a disease, you mean? At first I thought you meant name suggestions.
Why must she get her name only right before her mother dies?

[ravyn]

I dunno...0.0

The only thing I can say is 'Ten is smart.'

But I can't change it right now because I gotta go~

[Ten]

"Ten is smart."
--
If you say so.


"But I can't change it right now because I gotta go"
--
'skay. You can get around to it whenever you have the time.

[ravyn]

I tried looking at your name list and I couldn't find any prefixes that suits a red cat. :/

halp?


The history, I need to think about that... I dunno what to do...

[Ten]

hm... Looks like no reddish words are left, unless you want to use something like russet, sorrel, or sienna. You can either name her for her size/shape, or you can change her color.

It was her mother training her, yes? How would she be training her if she were sick?