Littlenose - tbf

[ella]

Role player| Ella
_____

Name| Littlenose

Gender| She-cat

Physical Description|

True to her name, Littlenose is very small. She doesn't have much of a build, really. Her body is very scrawny, and her size, in truth, would seem like she was only six or seven moons old. Littlenose's pelt is completely white, with neither a speckle nor spot. Her pads and nose are very pinkish-appearing, giving off a sense of innocence. Now for her eyes, which are a very light green color. Littlenose tends to walk very elegantly, like she caculates how she places her pawstep every step. She also tends to let her tail drag on the ground, if she's happy or sad, or anything in between.

Views|

Contary to belief, Littlenose is anti-Clan. Because of her fierce independence, she sees a Clan as a way to keep her from doing the things she likes to do, with rules, rules, and more rules. Who would like such a thing? Since the idea of a Clan was introduced, she weighed the pros and cons of it, and she just couldn't get past the fact that there would be rules. So it eventually outweighed everything else, even if she did see good things in a Clan; such as protection and fresh-kill.

Kin|

Largeclaw; a very large blue-gray tom, he was seen as territorical and aggresive. Always in a grumpy mood, he tended to test boundries and taunt other cats purely for amusement. He died from thirst/heat.

Dapplekit; an average-sized tortishell she-cat, Dapplekit never truly recived her warrior name. Spunky and fiercely protective of her loved ones, she always had the best interests in mind for her kits and mate. It eventually back-fired when she was hunting for her kits, when she was bitten by a rat.

Spottedfur; a somewhat large tortishell she-cat, Spottedfur was always quiet and withdrawn. As the only remaining kit from Dapplekit's first litter, Spottedfur helped out with parenting for Dapplekit's second litter. Like her mother, when hunting, she was killed by a rat bite.

Bigtail; a large black tom-cat with a somewhat long tail, Bigtail tended to not think before acting. With a big mouth he angered a few cats, and more than once he stepped over his kinship's territory. A few days after Largeclaw died, Bigtail was found dead near another's territory. He had no fur attatched to his claws, so it suggested he died natrually. Although it was rather odd to find him dead.

History| (how they got their name, what their upraising was like, whether they claimed a territory, what happened to their kin, anything relevant in the past)

Picture| (optional; an image of the cat - if it expands the post size when shown as an image, leave it as a link)

[Ten]

"only six or seven moons old."
--
You know they can't see the lunar phases, right?


"Now for her eyes, which are a very light green color."
--
When you say "now for" it gives me the impression that you're going to say something about them, but then you didn't. Appositives don't count.


"Contary to belief,"
--
What belief? Whose?


"she just couldn't get past the fact that there would be rules."
--
What rules is she thinking of?


"even if she did see good things in a Clan;" <-- comma


"he was seen as"
--
by whom?


"He died from thirst/heat."
--
You mean heatstroke?


"Spunky"
--
How so?


"she always had the best interests in mind for her kits and mate."
--
I'm not sure about the wording of this... Perhaps "she always had the best interests of her mate and kits in mind"?


"It eventually back-fired"
--
What did? And you mean backfired?


"Like her mother, when hunting, she was killed by a rat bite."
--
This was confusing for a second - with this syntax, it made it sound as though it were her habitual custom to be killed when hunting. I suggest moving that prepositional phrase to the end.


"he stepped over his kinship's territory."
--
What do you mean?


"He had no fur attatched to his claws, so it suggested he died natrually."
--
Do cats have fur attached to their claws in the first place?
....wait, you mean he had no fur between his claws? That took me a while.


"Although it was rather odd to find him dead."
--
This makes it sound like it's normal to find other cats dead - as if it happens more than once with one cat.


All that detail about what happened to her kin should go in the History. The Kin section isn't for telling about who they were or what they did; it's a mere list of names for quick reference, such as when you're reading the History and you forget who's who.