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Foxkit
Jul 24, 2009 11:07:56 GMT -5
Post by bluestripe123 on Jul 24, 2009 11:07:56 GMT -5
Role player| bluey
Name| Foxkit
Gender| Tom
Physical Description| Foxkit is a average sized kit,with orange fur with a tint of red.His legs are longer than usual cat's legs,due to the fact his kin all had long legs.His eyes are a greyish green.The tip of his tail is white,along with his muzzle.His ability to run is amazing.(For a kit at least) In quarter moon he will be 6 moons old,so he is almost a apprentice. Views| Foxkit likes being around other cats,but sometimes he can get stubborn.He admires those put in leadership,and someday he would love to be a leader.He is also kind and respectful,but a bit over protective of others. Kin| Ringtail~deceased~a blue tom with black rings around his tail.(Father) Blossompelt~deceased~Multicoloured spotted cat(mother)
History| Foxkit has always liked to run,and when his father was alive raced him.His father would always call him playful,since when he wasnt running,eating,or sleeping he would playfight with his father.His mother died giving birth to him,so he never grew that attached to him.His father lived till foxkit was 4 moons old,then died.
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Foxkit
Jul 24, 2009 11:19:40 GMT -5
Post by Ten on Jul 24, 2009 11:19:40 GMT -5
"Name| Foxkit" -- How would they know about foxes?
"Foxkit is a average sized" <-- an average-sized
"Foxkit is a average sized kit,with orange fur with a tint of red." -- Tabby?
Put spaces between sentences and after commas.
"His ability to run is amazing.(For a kit at least)" -- These parenthesis should go inside this sentence.
"In quarter moon" -- You know they can't see the lunar phases, right?
"almost a apprentice." <-- an apprentice
I suggest you put breaks between sections.
"but sometimes he can get stubborn." -- How so?
"He admires those put in leadership," -- What do you mean?
"and someday he would love to be a leader." -- Why?
"He is also kind and respectful,but a bit over protective of others." -- How are these views?
"a blue tom with black rings around his tail" -- Have you seen a cat like that?
"Blossompelt" -- How would they know about blossoms?
"Multicoloured spotted cat" -- You mean calico?
"His mother died giving birth to him," -- Who nursed him?
"so he never grew that attached to him." -- Her, you mean?
"His father lived till" <-- until?
"foxkit" -- Capitalize names.
"was 4 moons old,then died." -- And that wasn't the least bit traumatic for him?
Will be be looking for a mentor in role play?
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