moddy
Apprentice
noisy cricket {2}[M:0]
.. i'm ditsy. go away. 3:
Posts: 309
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Post by moddy on Feb 18, 2009 20:51:35 GMT -5
Roleplayer| Modd, kthx. _____
Name| Weaktail (formerly Patchkit).
Gender| Tom.
Physical Description| Weaktail is a small, thin young tom. He is only about the size of an apprentice because he was one not too long ago. His fur is white with brown tabby splotches scattered across him and his eyes are a deep green color. His ears are smaller than normal. The rest of him is quite normal, though.
Views| Weaktail is all for a Clan, mostly because his former mentor is as well. Plus, he has always been dependant on other cats for most of his life so he thinks it would suit him well. As long as he doesn't get hurt, he's up for anything.
Kin| Coyoteheart (deceased) - father, Shadepelt (deceased) - mother, Smallkit, Locustkit, and Palekit (all deceased) - siblings.
History| Patchkit, as he was called then, was born into a litter of four kits. His mother, Shadepelt, was caring and tended to all of them, most of the time, but she was a bit slow when it came to brain smarts. So if one kit were to be missing, she wouldn't exactly notice until it was too late. Coyoteheart was much smarter than her but he wasn't around most of the time, since he supplied most of the prey. When Patchkit was around apprentice age, he snuck off. A cricket had caught his eye and curiosity most of gotten the best of him. He wandered off after it, without Shadepelt noticing that he was gone. After a long attempt at catching it, he decided to travel back to where his mother and siblings were. It was easy to find them since they usually stayed along the wall. It wasn't long before he found them. Yet.... they weren't exactly there anymore.
They were dead. All dead. He didn't know how they had died, though, by the looks of it, they were murdered. How could this have happened? All he had done was try to act older than he actually is. He wasn't the only kit who did that, right? And now they were all gone.... forever. Even his father, Coyoteheart, was dead as well. He must've come back while Patchkit was gone and he must've not been here long enough to note that he was missing. Patchkit's first thought was to panic. That seemed to be the only thing to do at a moment like this. He did indeed do that at first, too. He turned and ran away, desperately trying to get away from the dead bodies... the old memories.
Soon enough he stopped, so he could catch his breath. As he did so, he decided to think things over. He knew that he couldn't keep running away from the truth forever. Where would he run to, anyways? There was no where for him to escape to. He was in an enclosure so that was obvious. There might be a few places to hide but they wouldn't help him. Not at all. He finally decided that he should try and get help from other cats. Most of the ones he spoke to weren't willing to help him. They didn't have time to find food for him and themselves.
But he didn't give up. No, he couldn't give up. He scavenged for his food most of the time. He could obtain crickets; they were easy to kill. If he was lucky, he might've come upon some left-over rat, though that wasn't very often because cats in this enclosure needed to eat all they could to survive. Plus, the meat of the old rat didn't taste very good to him. He also tried his best to convince cats to help him. They never would. That was how he survived. It was tough on him, of course and he began think that he would have to give up after all. He was getting thinner and thinner each day.
Then, one day, he decided that he had to give up... just had to. He didn't think he could keep this up any longer. And that's when he met Pebbleclaw. The tom looked aggressive and it surprised Patchkit when he decided to take him in. At first, Patchkit was sure that he had only done it because he was jealous of the other cats who actually had their own apprentice. Then he began considering the fact that the gray tom could be lonely. It was unlikely but Pebbleclaw always seemed nicer to Patchkit then he was to other cats.
Since the kit had decided to give up, he had also decided that he wasn't going to speak to another cat ever again, Pebbleclaw included. And since he wouldn't speak to him, Pebbleclaw assumed that Patchkit had forgotten his name. He took on the name Weakpaw, the new name Pebbleclaw had given him. Even though it could be considered insulting to be called weak, Weakpaw didn't mind. He was just glad that Pebbleclaw had taken him in. No one had forced the gray tom to do this, so he was being generous towards Weakpaw and the newly-named apprentice had learned to accept that.
After a while of training, Weakpaw was ready to take on his warrior name. Pebbleclaw gave him the name Weaktail, though he was never sure why. That didn't bother him, though. Weaktail didn't question Pebbleclaw in fear that the older tom could ditch him just as easily as he had taken him in. Even though he could take care of himself now, he didn't want that. He had become attached to Pebbleclaw, seeing him as something like an older brother or maybe even a father. Weaktail didn't want that to end anytime soon.
Weaktail and Pebbleclaw still travel together, fortunately in Weaktail's opinion. He is glad that Pebbleclaw allows him to continue to travel with him. He knows that the older warrior could tell him to go away or to leave him alone but he doesn't. Weaktail follows Pebbleclaw everywhere. He seems to like it that he finally has someone like Weaktail to listen to him and that's just fine with Weaktail.
Picture| Eventually.
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Post by Ten on Feb 19, 2009 21:58:12 GMT -5
"Name| Weaktail (formally Patchkit)." < formerly?
Did I not say no renames?
"His fur is white with brindle splotches scattered across him" -- What do you mean by brindle splotches?
"So if one kit were to be missing, she wouldn't exactly noticed" < notice? -- I'm unsure about the plausability of this.
"He didn't know how they had died" -- You seem to be writing this from a Third Person Limited point of view, as Patchkit sees things. A bio is meant to be more objective, telling us the facts. Speaking of facts, how did they die?
"Soon enough he stopped, since he was almost out of breath. He paused so his could catch his breath." -- This sounds redundant.
"They didn't have time to find food for him and themselves." -- While it seems likely that cats would have spare time, they might not want to expend energy on a stranger whom they did not care about, no?
"come upon some left over rat" < left-over?
"That made the kit a bit suspicious" ...of what?
"Since the kit had decided to give up, he had also decided that he wasn't going to speak to another cat ever again, Pebbleclaw included." -- What, in specific, was it that he gave up on?
"though he was never sure why. He was sure that Pebbleclaw knew but he didn't." -- Redundancy again?
"Weaktail follows Pebbleclaw every where." < everywhere?
"He still doesn't speak to him but Pebbleclaw doesn't mention that." -- ...mention? The use of pronouns is a little confusing at first, too.
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moddy
Apprentice
noisy cricket {2}[M:0]
.. i'm ditsy. go away. 3:
Posts: 309
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Post by moddy on Feb 20, 2009 18:18:20 GMT -5
"Did I not say no renames?"
It isn't exactly a rename, is it? He knows that his original name is Patchkit but he lets Pebbleclaw and everyone else call him Weaktail.
"What do you mean by brindle splotches?" Sort of like spots but fewer of them. And the ones that are there are large.
"I'm unsure about the plausability of this."
Well, she had four kits, which would be hard to handle for a cat like Shadepelt since she is forgetful.
"You seem to be writing this from a Third Person Limited point of view, as Patchkit sees things. A bio is meant to be more objective, telling us the facts. Speaking of facts, how did they die?"
I tend to write like that, yes. They were murdered~ Cx
"While it seems likely that cats would have spare time, they might not want to expend energy on a stranger whom they did not care about, no?"
That's what I meant to say but I couldn't come up with the right words at the time.
"...of what?"
Of the fact that Pebbleclaw was nice to him yet mean to other cats.
"What, in specific, was it that he gave up on?"
Trying to get help from other cats and speaking to them in general.
"...mention? The use of pronouns is a little confusing at first, too."
I'm just gonna delete that sentence, anyways. I was a bit iffy about it myself.
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Post by Ten on Feb 20, 2009 18:23:04 GMT -5
"It isn't exactly a rename, is it?" -- Cats use a name for him with a different prefix than his original name.
"Sort of like spots" -- What color? Solid or tabby?
"Well, she had four kits, which would be hard to handle for a cat like Shadepelt since she is forgetful." -- Forgetful about her beloved offspring? I think I might have heard of cats doing that, but I'm not sure. You'll have to convince me.
"Of the fact that Pebbleclaw was nice to him yet mean to other cats." -- I know that part. What was he suspicious that it meant?
"Trying to get help from other cats and speaking to them in general." -- So if he did get help, why would he stop speaking?
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moddy
Apprentice
noisy cricket {2}[M:0]
.. i'm ditsy. go away. 3:
Posts: 309
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Post by moddy on Feb 20, 2009 18:36:15 GMT -5
"Cats use a name for him with a different prefix than his original name."
Oh. What should I do, then? I'd have to take out a bunch of his history... What if his name as a kit was Weak-kit after all and Pebbleclaw just had a lucky guess? Would that work somehow? x3
"What color? Solid or tabby?"
Brown-ish? Tabby.
"You'll have to convince me."
Shadepelt wasn't that smart, so she wouldn't be able to keep track of which kits were with her and which kits weren't. Plus, cats can't count, can they? x3
"What was he suspicious that it meant?"
That Pebbleclaw was a lot lonelier than he acted.
"So if he did get help, why would he stop speaking?"
He stopped speaking before he got help.
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Post by Ten on Feb 20, 2009 18:45:01 GMT -5
"What if his name as a kit was Weak-kit after all and Pebbleclaw just had a lucky guess?" -- Haha.
"Brown-ish? Tabby." -- Mmkay, put that.
"Shadepelt wasn't that smart" -- No, I know that. I mean show me evidence or documentation of feline mothering behavior similar to this.
"That Pebbleclaw was a lot lonelier than he acted." -- Suspicious seems a strong word to use for something so simple as that. If you use it, though, explain it.
"He stopped speaking before he got help." -- And why didn't he resume speaking?
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moddy
Apprentice
noisy cricket {2}[M:0]
.. i'm ditsy. go away. 3:
Posts: 309
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Post by moddy on Feb 20, 2009 22:50:02 GMT -5
"No, I know that. I mean show me evidence or documentation of feline mothering behavior similar to this."
How would I find specific evidence of something like this?
"Suspicious seems a strong word to use for something so simple as that. If you use it, though, explain it." Ehhh. I'll just get rid of that sentence.
"And why didn't he resume speaking?"
He didn't think he needed to.
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Post by Ten on Feb 20, 2009 23:13:17 GMT -5
"How would I find specific evidence of something like this?"
Google?
"He didn't think he needed to."
Why not?
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moddy
Apprentice
noisy cricket {2}[M:0]
.. i'm ditsy. go away. 3:
Posts: 309
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Post by moddy on Feb 21, 2009 10:41:28 GMT -5
"Why not?"
A) he was afraid that he would say something wrong and Pebbleclaw would leave. B) he decided that he actually liked listening better than talking.
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Post by Ten on Feb 21, 2009 10:43:37 GMT -5
Did you ever tell me why his parents were murdered?
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