Palethroat

[Reagan]

Grammar's not too difficult. You've just got to capitalize the first letter of every sentence, proper nouns, I, I'll, and I'm. Commas are important, too. They're like pauses. Since Ten's going to be busy, I'll be doing my best to help you out with your application.

She has a white pelt her eyes are whitish and sightless, she was born blind she is slightly deaf, her whiskers are long and spidery and her tail is long and thin, she walks with a slight limp because of a leg problem.
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First of all, you might want to check for proper punctuation. This description can easily be separated in to several sentences instead of one long run-on sentence. Just look for places that one might naturally break in speech.

Palethroat believes there should be no leader and the clan should stay as it is.
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There really isn't a Clan as of right now, so you'll want to edit this. It can't stay as it is when it doesn't exist. You'll also want to answer some questions about her views. Does Palethroat believe that there should be a Clan, but no leader? Does she believe that there should be no Clan at all?

Her mother and father are titled Viperclaw and Stormtail and her brothers are Twigwhisker, Bonestep and Russetpelt and her sisters are called Creamstep and Lizardear.
Mother and Father deceased
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This could also use a quick check for proper grammar. If you're unsure of how to punctuate it correctly and word your sentences, why not ask a friend or someone you know to help?

Palethroat was named because of her pelt and then her way of speaking for her kin.
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What do you mean by her way of speaking for her kin, exactly?

She was brought up by her mother only, her father was always too busy he said her father and mother died at ripe old ages and were taken to the boneyard, Palethroat and her siblings mourned for days and then left, Palethroat never had a mate, no tom wanted her because she was lame and "useless" according to them, she survived though by her wit she became known for her cunning ways.
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This needs to be broken up into several sentences, for starters. Moving on to specifics...

he said her father and mother died at ripe old ages and were taken to the boneyard
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Who said this, exactly?

no tom wanted her because she was lame and "useless" according to them
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What made them think so?

she survived though by her wit she became known for her cunning ways.
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You might want to provide some examples of her surviving by using her wit, otherwise it seems like just an informed attribute.

[emilie]

ok I've done my best at changing it, could you please tell me where I got it wrong, if I have this time?

[Reagan]

She has a white pelt her eyes are whitish and sightless,
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This can still be broken down into two sentences.

Palethroat was named because of her pelt and then her way of speaking for her kin if there was ever any meetings of any kind she spoke their ideas or views.
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This could use punctuation check, because as it is it's a run-on sentence.
Also, why exactly did she speak their ideas and views? Were they not capable of speaking them for themselves? With what frequency did she do this? Did it get on their nerves?

blindness, she survived though
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For starters, those sentences can be separated. Secondly, I don't think 'though' is the right word.

she survived though by her wit she became known for her cunning ways such as stealing and lying.
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This also could be broken down into two sentences.

Also, run your bio through a spell check to make sure you correct all the words that aren't spelled correctly.

[emilie]

I didn't have much time so I'll probs fix up the rest later sorry.

[emilie]

Role player|emilie.
_____

Name| Palethroat.

Gender| she-cat.

Physical Description| .She has the head shape of an oriental lilac cat. She has a white pelt, shorthaired. her eyes are whitish and sightless, she was born blind. Her whiskers are long and stringy. Her tail is long and thin. She walks with a slight limp because of a leg problem.

Views| Palethroat believes there should be no clan at all and that all the cats should do as they want.

Kin| Her mother and father are titled Viperclaw and Stormtail. Her brothers are Twigwhisker, Bonestep and Russetpelt. Her sisters are called Creamstep and Lizardear.
Mother and Father deceased.

History| Palethroat was named because of her pelt and then her way of speaking for her kin if there was ever any meetings of any kind she spoke their ideas or views. It got on their nerves. It usually changed their views. She was brought up by her mother only, her father was always too busy. Her father and mother died at ripe old ages and were taken to the boneyard. Palethroat and her siblings mourned for days and then left. Palethroat never had a mate, no tom wanted her because she was "useless" because of her lameness and her blindness, she survived by her wit. She became known for her cunning ways such as stealing and lying. She aqquired a good sense of hearing because of her loss of sight.

[emilie]

I put it there because I could not change the attachement.

[Reagan]

She has the head shape of an oriental lilac.
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Though I know what you're saying, it sounds like you're saying that her head is in the shape of a flower. Please clarify this.

her eyes are whitish and sightless, she was born blind.
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Remember to capitalize at the start of every sentence.

Her whiskers are long and spidery
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Do they have spiders in them? Do they resemble a spider?

Palethroat was named because of her pelt and then her way of speaking for her kin if there was ever any meetings of any kind she spoke their ideas or views.
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You can break that into two sentences.

It got on their nerves.
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Did this change their opinion of her in any way?

She aqquired an acute sense of hearing because of her loss of sight.
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Spell check, please.

[emilie]

I have changed it.