Palethroat

[Ten]

"(she has a white pelt her eyes are sightless, she was born blind,"
--
Are they blue eyes?
Is she deaf?


"Palethroat doubts the elders power"
--
What do you mean? What elders? Who said they had power?


"believes that the Clan should be free, in other words she's a bit of an anarchist."
--
It already is, so what you're saying is, she wants it to remain so.
I'm only clarifying because it seems as though you might have misunderstood the situation.


You still have syntax that you need to fix. You remember learning how this works, right?


"her way of speaking for others."
--
What do you mean?


"and were taken to the graveyard"
--
That's the boneyard. There aren't any official graves.


"Palethroat never had a mate, for reasons known only to herself she stayed alone"
--
You're her creator. You know all her reasons.

[emilie]

she is deaf and yes they are blue
well she doubts them, I didn't mean to say their power she just thinks they're shifty
she speaks for what remains of her family
I meant the boneyard
yeah I couldn't think of any but I changed it

[Ten]

So she's blind and deaf? I think she'd be able to manage with one or the other, but being both of those in this world would be incapacitating.


"well she doubts them, I didn't mean to say their power she just thinks they're shifty"
--
...She thinks old cats are shifty?
Okay, why? What does she expect them to do, or, what does she not trust them with?


"she speaks for what remains of her family "
--
But what do you mean by that?


"I meant the boneyard"
--
Change it to that, then.

[emilie]

by the remains of her family I mean her siblings her parents are dead
she is not completely deaf and I changed it her eyes are whitish
she thinks the old cats are shifty because they have that look like they are wiser than the other cats
and they seem smug and kind of proud and above the others

[Ten]

"by the remains of her family I mean her siblings her parents are dead"
--
No, I mean how does she speak for her family? Are they mute?


"she is not completely deaf"
--
Deaf in one ear?


"and I changed it her eyes are whitish"
--
She has cataracts?


"she thinks the old cats are shifty because they have that look like they are wiser than the other cats"
--
She doesn't trust anyone she think is smart, then.


"and they seem smug and kind of proud and above the others"
--
...Or because they're arrogant.
You know, that's stereotyping. Not all of the old are like that. How did she acquire this prejudice toward the elderly?

[emilie]

no I mean of course not all of the old cats are like that I mean that she thinks the elders are smug and secretive, not arrogant but no its not stereotyped because by the sounds of the elders they would be kind of kind of secretive and smug because of their knowledge, if you know something someone else doesn't then you do feel kind of ''higher up" than them.
Yes she has cataracts and she is going deaf in her right ear, she speaks for the rest of her family as in she is the spokescat the one who tells the others agreed opinion or what their argument is.

[Ten]

"no I mean of course not all of the old cats are like that I mean that she thinks the elders are smug and secretive"
--
Are you implying there's a difference between elders and old cats?


From the looks of your bio, you still haven't learned how to punctuate and capitalize your sentences, so please work on that before continuing. Basic literacy is necessary here.

[emilie]

Well the elders is like you know the leaders.
and I am trying very hard to punctuate.

[Ten]

The leaders? Alright then, I'm not sure why you would call those the elders, but of more importance -- what do you mean by the leaders? As the plot says, there isn't a Clan right now, so what leaders are you thinking of? That is, what do they lead?

[emilie]

sorry I must have forgotten that part in the plot I'll change it
by the way excuse my grammar see my ma is making me homeschool
and I am not learning very well but I am moving to dads soon