iceheart

[Nefeli]

"She jumps more than she walks?"
-x-
lolno. Deleted.

"What does she count as a good reason?"
-x-
Added: If the cat was in great danger from the other cat, or the other cat was going to die from a sickness anyway, so killing the cat then would end the cat's suffering.

[selm]

Iceheart has a slim build and long tail.
(xxx)
and her tail is long and pointed.

---

You said her tail was long twice. Maybe just add "pointed" to the first sentence?


and she would like a leader to depend on and make decisions.
(xxx)
Iceheart is also quite ambitious, for she wants nothing more than to be the leader or deputy of a Clan.

---

I find this slightly confusing. She's ambitious to become leader, but she wants to depend on someone else to make the decisions?

Iceheart was overcome with grief, for she had loved him the most of her two brothers.

---

Just wondering, was there a reason for this, or just because? xP

They have not had kits yet; they don't want to, for they believe that kits are a burden to raise.

---

Is there a reason for this, or just because again?

[Ten]

"If the cat was in great danger from the other cat, or the other cat was going to die from a sickness anyway, so killing the cat then would end the cat's suffering."
--
Oh, so she believes in mercy killing? That's interesting. Would she support mercy killing inside a Clan, too? How did she come to believe in this practice?

[Nefeli]

"Oh, so she believes in mercy killing? That's interesting. Would she support mercy killing inside a Clan, too? How did she come to believe in this practice?"
-x-
She does believe in mercy killing. She would support it inside a Clan as well, for she saw Russetfur's mother die slowly and painfully from a fatal sickness, and it was painful to watch. She thought that if someone had killed her when it was sure that she would've died, Russetfur's mother wouldn't have had to experience the extreme suffering and pain before she passed.

[Ten]

"She might be beautiful to some cats,"
--
Any cat might be beautiful to anyone.
Why are you using this?


"One of her ears are larger than the other,"
--
hm. Never seen anything like this. It doesn't sound impossible, but have you seen a cat with similar ears?


"and she has a ugly scar" <-- an?
--
What makes it ugly? How'd she get it?


"snow-white fur with pale grey ears."
--
Seems like this should be more up toward the beginning, or maybe with her ear description there. Van pattern?


"Her belly, chest and ears are pale grey."
--
So it's not just her ears now?
It'd be nice if you had all her color description in one place.
She has a white back and gray belly, then?


"there would be less maiming and killing, and she would like a leader to depend on and make decisions. She believes that the warrior code does not tolerate killing without a very good reason, such as if the cat was in great danger from the other cat, or a cat was going to die from a painful sickness anyway, so killing the cat then would end the cat's suffering."
--
Again, put everything of one topic (like killing) together. Wanting a leader is a different subject.

Also, you say that she wants to be led, but later that she wants to lead others, which as Selm pointed out is contradictory. Which is it?

And answer her questions too, please. I know you probably just forgot, so this is a reminder.


"She is quite intolerant of beliefs that are not her own, and she is rather closed to new ideas."
--
Isn't this just two ways to say the same thing, or is there a difference?


"whitestripe"
--
Some sort of... silver tabby?


"They got to know each other well over the next few days, eventually realizing they were in love. They mated soon after, each loving the other more than ever. They have not had kits yet; they don't want to, for they believe that kits are a burden to raise."
--
And yet they went through the baby-making process?


"She does believe in mercy killing. She would support it inside a Clan as well, for she saw Russetfur's mother die slowly and painfully from a fatal sickness, and it was painful to watch."
--
Add that to her history, then.

[Nefeli]

Any cat might be beautiful to anyone.
Why are you using this?
-x-
ehem, just to make the next part make sense. Ah well, changed.

hm. Never seen anything like this. It doesn't sound impossible, but have you seen a cat with similar ears?
-x-
Yups. (my friend's kitty is like that)


What makes it ugly? How'd she get it?
-x-
It's like big and dark. She got it in a fight with another cat over a piece of snake.

Seems like this should be more up toward the beginning, or maybe with her ear description there. Van pattern?
-x-
Okay. What do you mean by "van pattern"?

So it's not just her ears now?
It'd be nice if you had all her color description in one place.
She has a white back and gray belly, then?
-x-
k. I changed her belly to white, because I couldn't find a picture of a white kitty with a grey belly.

Again, put everything of one topic (like killing) together. Wanting a leader is a different subject.
-x-
Okay, moved it around.

Also, you say that she wants to be led, but later that she wants to lead others, which as Selm pointed out is contradictory. Which is it?
-x-
Changed

And answer her questions too, please. I know you probably just forgot, so this is a reminder.
-x-
Ahahaha, I didn't see her questions. I'll answer them in my next post..

Isn't this just two ways to say the same thing, or is there a difference?
-x-
Yes; the latter is like when someone tells her about a new idea that they have that will affect her life if it is carried out. The former is like she's intolerant of con beliefs and the like.

Some sort of... silver tabby?
-x-
Dark grey tabby kitty.

And yet they went through the baby-making process?
-x-
hm. Changed.

Add that to her history, then.
-x-
Done.

[Ten]

"Yups. (my friend's kitty is like that)"
--
I'll take your word for it.


"She got it in a fight with another cat over a piece of snake."
--
That a routine kind of thing for her?


"What do you mean by "van pattern"?"
--
The type of coloring you're describing on her -- do you mean something like a van pattern?


"k. I changed her belly to white, because I couldn't find a picture of a white kitty with a grey belly."
--
You're a smart cookie.


"Changed"
--
To... wanting to lead others, I presume.


"I'll answer them in my next post.."
--
mmkay. You be sure to do that.


"Yes; the latter is like when someone tells her about a new idea that they have that will affect her life if it is carried out. The former is like she's intolerant of con beliefs and the like."
--
Con beliefs do affect her life. If it weren't for cons, there'd be a Clan by now. Or so I'd think.


"Dark grey tabby kitty."
--
Why is he named Whitestripe?