Hellooooooo, fennec neighba~
"Brindleheart's prefix comes from the appearance of her pelt;" <-- comma
"which is brindle;" <-- comma, unless you want to use parenthesis for the next part
"Brindleheart's eye color is a yellow-green color. This cat is a very small cat," <-- comma splice
--
A little repetitive here.
"her body type is petite, with tiny paws to match her body. Her tail also matches her body length, and is also thin."
--
You can combine this information in list form or something similar, since it's all talking about how each body part is petite.
"This little she-cat believes that the Clan should stay together."
--
Too late for that. What you mean is, she wants the Clan to reform?
One general note about the views section: you only have to put things like "this cat believes" or "to her" once or twice. It's the views section, so we understand these are her views -- you can go ahead and state outright how she sees the world, although you don't have to word it the same way she would.
"Her main reason for this belief that a Clan is more like a large extended family to her. To her, family means staying together and never being left behind."
--
What would "being left behind" consist of?
"Brindleheart was born in a litter of two;" <-- colon or comma
Semicolons are kind of like lazy periods. You don't capitalize the next word after them, but grammar-wise the next part needs to be able to stand on its own as a different sentence.
"something you can lean back on and other cats doing jobs while some just hang back."
--
Something's missing here.... "rely on" other cats doing jobs?
"During her upbringing her and Tawnypaw always clashed in their opinions of having a Clan"
--
Mirroring a dispute between their parents, no? Did Brindlepaw spend more time with their father and Tawnypaw more with their mother?
"However on the other hand,"
--
However and on the other hand mean more or less the same thing.
"Tawnypaw only saw it as something to go to when you don't have any more options for living"
--
Wouldn't that mean the Clan would only have elderly cats?
"and that a leader just uses the cats as peons to their own bidding"
--
What sort of bidding?
"seeing that Tawnypaw always strayed away from her family and spent her time with cons,"
--
Why'd she do that? Did her mother spend a lot of time with cons and bring her along?
"From Brindlepaw to Brindleheart;" <-- you need a subject noun and a verb here
"Brindleheart stayed with the cats that stayed here"
--
Which cats who stayed where?
"She never would of wanted a large amount of power within a territory."
--
What do you mean?
"Maybe in a den with kits"
--
A den made of what?
Mothers with kits tend to gravitate around the stream, so that's an alternative.
"Too naive and kind to be taken seriously if she were to try to come into power."
--
"Taken seriously" by other cats, you mean? You don't know how everyone would react. Focus on describing Brindleheart's record of behavior and what she's done in the past. She sounds like a push-over -- easy to persuade, too generous -- so what has she done to exemplify those traits in the past?
"(how they got their name, what their upraising was like, whether they claimed a territory, what happened to their kin, anything relevant in the past)"
--
^ You can take that part out now. ;3
