boneflash - female

[rainbows]

name boneflash

gender female

physical description She is a small white she-cat. her paws are normal sized, a little wider than most, but hold her up as she walks. The white fur is sleek and shiny, just long enough for the winter and just short enough in the summer. Her legs are long and thin, but muscle hides beneath her pelt; these are the muscles that she has built all her life to become a better warrior. She can feel energy surging through her bones as she walks through the enclosure and she knows that she is strong for a she-cat. She is still well-balanced, despite the fact that there is less of her than others. Her ears stand proudly atop her head, though there is a nick in her left ear. Her pools are a bright yellow, staring at you in the middle of the night. Her body is strong and well-muscled, though she looks only to be a ball of fluff. She has a somewhat longer neck than the rest, making her look more like a young cat.

veiws She believes that a leader would destroy them. She wants everything to stay as it is, never changing. They've surivived this long, they can do it some more.

kin her mother's name was Dirtclaw, and her's father's name was Fleckpelt. you know her sister, Mousevoice and her brother Gingerfeet.

history Her parents always believed that a leader would be the death of them. They taught her to believe this as she and her sibling progressed and went along. They trained her and her sister Mousekit and her brother Gingerkit. Her and Mousekit were never separated, ever. They got along great, their personalities reflecting each other perfectly. Gingerkit was more of the outcast, but Mousekit tried everything she could to include him in. Bonekit just wouldn't hear it though. She constantly pushed him out, constantly trying to keep him away. She thought that he would steal Mousekit away from him. Never would that happen in her book. When they were all 2 seasons their parents died and they had no where to go. they went to the stream bed, Bonekit now Boneflash. She gave Mousekit the warrior name of Mousevoice and Gingerkit the name of Gingerfeet. Gingerfeet hated his name, and Boneflash knew it. She teased him about often, always wanting to put him down in some kind of way. She hated him for not having a personality, for always doing whatever Mousevoice wanted him to. She wanted to toughen him up, make him have a backbone. What she didn't know is that he was so submissive because he looked up to Mousevoice, and loved her greatly. She-cats hardly came around him. He was ragged looking. He had no conversational skills and was very antisocial. His mother was never really around and his father taught him to do as she-cats say. So if Mousevoice asked him to hunt for her, he would. If she had asked him to go give up his life for her, he would have. She asked him to kill for her, and he did. She never asked him to stand up for himself, so he never did. She asked him to stay put in one place, he did. But the strain of them fighting was too hard for Mousevoice to deal with. Giving up, Mousevoice left and never came back. Even through this Bone and Ginger couldn't get along. They both blamed each other for Mousevoice's disappearnce. They were fighting as usual when one of the other cats in the came along. He took a particular liking to Bone, but she did not to him. She tried to run away to Gingerfeet, but she couldn't. He held her down, wanting her to be his mate. She screamed for her brother, and he showed up just in time. Him and the other tom fought it out. Gingerfeet was never a good fighter, though, and the other tom overpowered him. Seeing that her brother had no hope, Boneflash ran away and left. She never went back to that place on streambed, and instead claimed a little place of the wall to herself. Now alone she seldom talks about any of it. In fact, she rather not mention her family whatsoever.

her appearance

[Ten]

This is the format to use.

You'll need to edit your categories as such, but I'll go ahead with the process (explained here, in case you hadn't already seen that thread) and glance over what you have now.


"you may call her angelicmelody"
--
These cats have no concept of angels. They could, if someone were to come up with and introduce the idea to them, but that would take a lot of planning and plotting. Right now, the cats don't have any particular religion or belief in specific spiritual beings.

They also don't have any contact with birds, and cats can't sing themselves, so I'm not sure where she would be getting melody from.


"her views are that there is no escape, and this enclosure is the only thing there is."
--
Everybody knows that. It's one of those things that's taken for granted to these cats.


"she is seen as a small white she-cat just larger than a medium-sized apprentice."
--
That's a complicated measurement, and since there isn't an absolute standard for what a "medium-sized apprentice" is, nor for that matter even a standard for at what age a cat stops being an apprentice, it'd be better to stick to adjectives like small and petite.


"her paws are normal sized, a little wider than most, but hold her up as she walks from start to finish."
--
Oh I would hope so.
Start to finish of... from wherever she's leaving to wherever she's going? huh. Never heard anyone use that phrase in that context before.


"the white fur that shelters her from the world"
--
You mean the wind?


"just long enough for the winter and just short enough in the summer."
--
So it's normal length? You know, if an aspect of a cat is that ordinary, you don't have to describe it. For example, all of the cats here have tails, so you don't have to say that she isn't a no-tailed cat.


"most cats if they do not know her confuse her for an apprentice because of her size, but she doesn't mind."
--
What other cats have done is a subject for her history, so you can put something like that there. Who is "most cats"? Most cats in her family? You can't control most cats in the whole enclosure.


"her legs are long and thin, but muscle hides beneath her pelt; these are the muscles that she has honed all her life to become a better warrior."
--
To hone means to sharpen or to refine. For muscles, you'll want a verb more along the lines of build.


"she is still well-balanced, despite the fact that there is less of her than others."
--
What do you mean?


"her ears stand proudly atop her head,"
--
How do ears stand with pride? Do they not move?


"her pools are a bright yellow, staring at you in the middle of the night."
--
You mean her eyes?


"she has a somewhat longer neck than the rest of her clan, making her look more like a young cat."
--
About this Clan talk -- did you read the plot?


"she is not the most beautiful cat in the clan, but she is not the ugliest either."
--
That's all a matter of opinion. Opinions don't belong in the physical description.


Please capitalize the first letter of each sentence. You can do the stylistic all-lowercase thing for your category headers/titles, but not the whole bio.


"the story goes like this... her parents always believed that the enclosure was the only thing."
--
Of course they did. To believe anything to the contrary, they'd have to be insane.


"she constantly pushed him out, constantly trying to keep him away."
--
Why?


"when they were all 2 seasons their parents died and they had no where to go. they took over the den their parents had, Anglickit now Angelicmelody."
--
What do you mean by den? What was it made out of?


"she teased him about constantly and relentlessly, never giving up."
--
So you mean it was all she ever talked about?


"giving up, doomflare left and got killed by a nonzealot who she got into a fight with."
--
What do you mean by nonzealot?


"they both blamed each other and finally tainted just was done with Angelicmelody. he raped her and then killed himself, giving her two kits."
--
This is sounding a lot like one of those cliched tragic pasts, so to avoid that, let's work on making this string of events seem more believable--which doesn't mean she can't have bad things happen to her. Teasing a name isn't enough to warrant this, in particular from her brother. There are other cats in the enclosure who would try to do this sort of thing, though (and unprovoked at that). Maybe, if he was strong, her brother could die fighting him off. But that's just one idea. You could also have her family living in a vicious cycle of a abuse, where her father was the first to mistreat her mother and then her, or something like that. What do you think?


"ah, the family... her mother's name was Screamecho, and her's father's name was fireflame. you know her sister, doomflare and her brother taintedfeet."
--
These are the name rules we use. There's not any way for them to know about fire, you see. As for the others, how did Screamecho look like a scream? How did her siblings resemble their prefixes as kits?

[rainbows]

Jul 2, 2010 20:46:29 GMT -5 Ten said:

This is the format to use.

You'll need to edit your categories as such, but I'll go ahead with the process (explained here, in case you hadn't already seen that thread) and glance over what you have now.


"you may call her angelicmelody"
--
These cats have no concept of angels. They could, if someone were to come up with and introduce the idea to them, but that would take a lot of planning and plotting. Right now, the cats don't have any particular religion or belief in specific spiritual beings.

They also don't have any contact with birds, and cats can't sing themselves, so I'm not sure where she would be getting melody from.


"her views are that there is no escape, and this enclosure is the only thing there is."
--
Everybody knows that. It's one of those things that's taken for granted to these cats.


"she is seen as a small white she-cat just larger than a medium-sized apprentice."
--
That's a complicated measurement, and since there isn't an absolute standard for what a "medium-sized apprentice" is, nor for that matter even a standard for at what age a cat stops being an apprentice, it'd be better to stick to adjectives like small and petite.


"her paws are normal sized, a little wider than most, but hold her up as she walks from start to finish."
--
Oh I would hope so.
Start to finish of... from wherever she's leaving to wherever she's going? huh. Never heard anyone use that phrase in that context before.


"the white fur that shelters her from the world"
--
You mean the wind?

this i have changed, but yes i did mean that

"just long enough for the winter and just short enough in the summer."
--
So it's normal length? You know, if an aspect of a cat is that ordinary, you don't have to describe it. For example, all of the cats here have tails, so you don't have to say that she isn't a no-tailed cat.


"most cats if they do not know her confuse her for an apprentice because of her size, but she doesn't mind."
--
What other cats have done is a subject for her history, so you can put something like that there. Who is "most cats"? Most cats in her family? You can't control most cats in the whole enclosure.

i completely took this out, seeing as it was nonimportant.

"her legs are long and thin, but muscle hides beneath her pelt; these are the muscles that she has honed all her life to become a better warrior."
--
To hone means to sharpen or to refine. For muscles, you'll want a verb more along the lines of build.


"she is still well-balanced, despite the fact that there is less of her than others."
--
What do you mean?

i mean that she is smaller, so there is less of than others simply because of her tiny frame. (:

"her ears stand proudly atop her head,"
--
How do ears stand with pride? Do they not move?

umm... lol i actually do not know. It was just one of those sentences i put in there. I'll take it out.

"her pools are a bright yellow, staring at you in the middle of the night."
--
You mean her eyes?

i do.

"she has a somewhat longer neck than the rest of her clan, making her look more like a young cat."
--
About this Clan talk -- did you read the plot?

i'm sorry about that. I'm quite used to this plot yet, but i have read it and all of the rules. I changed it.

"she is not the most beautiful cat in the clan, but she is not the ugliest either."
--
That's all a matter of opinion. Opinions don't belong in the physical description.

taken out.

Please capitalize the first letter of each sentence. You can do the stylistic all-lowercase thing for your category headers/titles, but not the whole bio.


"the story goes like this... her parents always believed that the enclosure was the only thing."
--
Of course they did. To believe anything to the contrary, they'd have to be insane.


"she constantly pushed him out, constantly trying to keep him away."
--
Why?

i put in there.

"when they were all 2 seasons their parents died and they had no where to go. they took over the den their parents had, Anglickit now Angelicmelody."
--
What do you mean by den? What was it made out of?

changed to the streambed. meanign that they just kind of live along there.

"she teased him about constantly and relentlessly, never giving up."
--
So you mean it was all she ever talked about?

yes.

"giving up, doomflare left and got killed by a nonzealot who she got into a fight with."
--
What do you mean by nonzealot?

changed.

"they both blamed each other and finally tainted just was done with Angelicmelody. he raped her and then killed himself, giving her two kits."
--
This is sounding a lot like one of those cliched tragic pasts, so to avoid that, let's work on making this string of events seem more believable--which doesn't mean she can't have bad things happen to her. Teasing a name isn't enough to warrant this, in particular from her brother. There are other cats in the enclosure who would try to do this sort of thing, though (and unprovoked at that). Maybe, if he was strong, her brother could die fighting him off. But that's just one idea. You could also have her family living in a vicious cycle of a abuse, where her father was the first to mistreat her mother and then her, or something like that. What do you think?

ah, i do see what you mean. yes, i will change that part to something else, perhaps just making him fight off one who wants to hurt Ashen.

"ah, the family... her mother's name was Screamecho, and her's father's name was fireflame. you know her sister, doomflare and her brother taintedfeet."
--
These are the name rules we use. There's not any way for them to know about fire, you see. As for the others, how did Screamecho look like a scream? How did her siblings resemble their prefixes as kits?

changed the names.


[/quote]

[Ten]

"i mean that she is smaller, so there is less of than others simply because of her tiny frame."
--
Less of... she has less mass? Oh. Well, you've already said she's small.


"i do."
--
Say what you mean, then. If you're talking about eyes, say eyes.


"i'm sorry about that. I'm quite used to this plot yet, but i have read it and all of the rules. I changed it."
--
No problem. It's a very unusual plot, isn't it?


"i put in there."
--
I'd appreciate it if you would tell me in your posts what you put in, so that I don't have to reread the bio hunting for one thing.


"changed to the streambed. meanign that they just kind of live along there."
--
They claimed it as their territory?


"yes."
--
Man, she's got to be a dull cat to only talk about one thing for hours, even days on end. It makes me wonder how she would keep that up for so long.

"Do you know where our sister went?"
"lol yer name"

"The stream is dry and I can't find any water for us."
"lol yer name"

"Look out behind you!"
"lol yer name"

...? It can't be that funny.


"changed."
--
To what?


"ah, i do see what you mean. yes, i will change that part to something else, perhaps just making him fight off one who wants to hurt Ashen."
--
That might work. When I reread her history again, I'll get back to you on that.


"ashenglade"
--
How would they know about ash without fire?
Also, there isn't a forest in the enclosure, so there can't be a glade.


"her mother's name was Cinderecho"
--
Same deal with cinders -- they come from fire.
How did her mother have an echo?


"and her's father's name was Ficklepelt."
--
He can't have been quick to change his opinion as a newborn kit.


"you know her sister, Mousevoice"
--
There are rats in the enclosure, but I don't know about mice. mm... so she squeaks like a rat? Why would her family name her for that? It seems... well, it's not anything a warrior would be proud of.


You should put a little marker for the history as well.

[rainbows]

Jul 3, 2010 12:02:46 GMT -5 Ten said:

"i mean that she is smaller, so there is less of than others simply because of her tiny frame."
--
Less of... she has less mass? Oh. Well, you've already said she's small.


"i do."
--
Say what you mean, then. If you're talking about eyes, say eyes.


"i'm sorry about that. I'm quite used to this plot yet, but i have read it and all of the rules. I changed it."
--
No problem. It's a very unusual plot, isn't it?

lol that is. I like new things. it gives my muse a break form the norm.

"i put in there."
--
I'd appreciate it if you would tell me in your posts what you put in, so that I don't have to reread the bio hunting for one thing.


"changed to the streambed. meanign that they just kind of live along there."
--
They claimed it as their territory?

not excatly claimed. more of the just stayed near it until they could find a better spot along the wall.

"yes."
--
Man, she's got to be a dull cat to only talk about one thing for hours, even days on end. It makes me wonder how she would keep that up for so long.

"Do you know where our sister went?"
"lol yer name"

"The stream is dry and I can't find any water for us."
"lol yer name"

"Look out behind you!"
"lol yer name"

...? It can't be that funny.

lol i literally just laughed until i cried. don't ask me why i found out it that funny, but i did. (: anyway, so changed it to "She teased him about often, always wanting to put him down in some kind of way."

"changed."
--
To what?[/quote

i changed it to that she left and never came back, seeing as that i love her name and i might make her after this.

"ah, i do see what you mean. yes, i will change that part to something else, perhaps just making him fight off one who wants to hurt Ashen."
--
That might work. When I reread her history again, I'll get back to you on that.

okey-dokey

"ashenglade"
--
How would they know about ash without fire?
Also, there isn't a forest in the enclosure, so there can't be a glade.

i quite enjoy the name bonesplitter. kind of gruesome... eh. i like it.

"her mother's name was Cinderecho"
--
Same deal with cinders -- they come from fire.
How did her mother have an echo?

changed to grassclaw

"and her's father's name was Ficklepelt."
--
He can't have been quick to change his opinion as a newborn kit.

i wasn't sure excatly what you meant by this, so i just left his name as you left it. (: lol i get confused often...

"you know her sister, Mousevoice"
--
There are rats in the enclosure, but I don't know about mice. mm... so she squeaks like a rat? Why would her family name her for that? It seems... well, it's not anything a warrior would be proud of.

i was thinking more of the fact that she's kind of shy and her voice was always low and a whisper, as a mouse's might be. but i'd be glad to have high-pitched if needed be.

You should put a little marker for the history as well.

i'd be so happy to! (;

[Ten]

"not excatly claimed. more of the just stayed near it until they could find a better spot along the wall."
--
What do you mean? Why do they need any one place to 'stay'? They don't need to be stuck orbiting around one little place. They can go wherever they want. If they are staying in one particular area, though, then that is claiming a territory, and they'll have to defend it.


"lol i literally just laughed until i cried."
--
xD


"She teased him about often, always wanting to put him down in some kind of way."
--
So why is that? She gets along with her sister, right? What makes her want to be so mean to her brother?


"i quite enjoy the name bonesplitter."
--
Being white, she does look like a bone... but how does she possess a splitter? Have you read about how warrior names work?


"changed to grassclaw"
--
Grass doesn't grow in the enclosure.


"i wasn't sure excatly what you meant by this, so i just left his name as you left it."
--
The name Ficklepelt doesn't make sense. It implies that when he was a kit his name was Ficklekit, and there's no reason for a mother to call him fickle when he's not even old enough to have opinions.


"i was thinking more of the fact that she's kind of shy and her voice was always low and a whisper, as a mouse's might be"
--
Mice whisper?

[rainbows]

Jul 3, 2010 14:04:15 GMT -5 Ten said:

"not excatly claimed. more of the just stayed near it until they could find a better spot along the wall."
--
What do you mean? Why do they need any one place to 'stay'? They don't need to be stuck orbiting around one little place. They can go wherever they want. If they are staying in one particular area, though, then that is claiming a territory, and they'll have to defend it.

hmm... i suppose that they could have a little area to themselves along the stream bed. personaly it doesn't matter to me. so yes. it was their territory, but not anymore. Boney left it because of the memories... hmm... i should put in the history. -goes to modify the bio after this-

"lol i literally just laughed until i cried."
--
xD


"She teased him about often, always wanting to put him down in some kind of way."
--
So why is that? She gets along with her sister, right? What makes her want to be so mean to her brother?

exact from the bio "She hated him for not having a personality, for always doing whatever Mousevoice wanted him to. She wanted to toughen him up, make him have a personality."

"i quite enjoy the name bonesplitter."
--
Being white, she does look like a bone... but how does she possess a splitter? Have you read about how warrior names work?

lol i have... i just can't seem to find a suffix i like. i really can't. anyway, i changed to boneflash and make her a fast runner. (:

"changed to grassclaw"
--
Grass doesn't grow in the enclosure.

-sighs- i seem to be having troubles with names, eh? lol anyway, i changed it to dirtclaw. -hopes desperatly that there is dirt in there- (:

"i wasn't sure excatly what you meant by this, so i just left his name as you left it."
--
The name Ficklepelt doesn't make sense. It implies that when he was a kit his name was Ficklekit, and there's no reason for a mother to call him fickle when he's not even old enough to have opinions.

oops! lol i forgot to put the "l" in there. meaning it would be Flicklepelt. as in flecks, flickle. idk. don't ask me. i'm a bit delussional and out of my mind at the moment. (: anyway, i suppose a more fitting name would fleckpelt. (:

"i was thinking more of the fact that she's kind of shy and her voice was always low and a whisper, as a mouse's might be"
--
Mice whisper?

-gasps- you've never heard a mouse whisper? oh you silly goose of course they do! hehe, just playing around. anyway, i kind of meant that a mouse's squeak might sound like a whisper of some sort. -sigh- i really don't even know. it's one of my delusional things again.

[Ten]

"hmm... i suppose that they could have a little area to themselves along the stream bed. personaly it doesn't matter to me. so yes. it was their territory, but not anymore."
--
It must've been pretty dang hard to keep a territory by the stream. Other cats wouldn't like that, to put it in a mild sense.


"She hated him for not having a personality, for always doing whatever Mousevoice wanted him to. She wanted to toughen him up, make him have a personality."
--
Submissiveness is a personality trait. I think what you mean is that she wants him to grow a backbone and stand up for himself.

So how come he was so submissive to begin with? What things did Mousevoice tell him to do?


"lol i have... i just can't seem to find a suffix i like. i really can't. anyway, i changed to boneflash and make her a fast runner."
--
Flash. x) Makes me think of flashers.
This page has a list of suffix suggestions.


"-sighs- i seem to be having troubles with names, eh? lol anyway, i changed it to dirtclaw. -hopes desperatly that there is dirt in there-"
--
Well, yes, there is dirt... It's the cat's word for poo.


"anyway, i suppose a more fitting name would fleckpelt."
--
Fleckpelt works.


"anyway, i kind of meant that a mouse's squeak might sound like a whisper of some sort. -sigh- i really don't even know. it's one of my delusional things again."
--
The naming guide should help you understand how to put together a name. For prefix suggestions, you can look here, at the end of the thread.

[rainbows]

Jul 3, 2010 15:50:16 GMT -5 Ten said:

"hmm... i suppose that they could have a little area to themselves along the stream bed. personaly it doesn't matter to me. so yes. it was their territory, but not anymore."
--
It must've been pretty dang hard to keep a territory by the stream. Other cats wouldn't like that, to put it in a mild sense.


"She hated him for not having a personality, for always doing whatever Mousevoice wanted him to. She wanted to toughen him up, make him have a personality."
--
Submissiveness is a personality trait. I think what you mean is that she wants him to grow a backbone and stand up for himself.

So how come he was so submissive to begin with? What things did Mousevoice tell him to do?

from the bio - "She wanted to toughen him up, make him have a backbone. What she didn't know is that he was so submissive because he looked up to Mousevoice, and loved her greatly. No other she-cats would ever be around him. So if Mousevoice asked him to hunt for her, he would. If she had asked him to go give up his life for her, he would have. But the strain of them fighting was too hard for Mousevoice to deal with."

"lol i have... i just can't seem to find a suffix i like. i really can't. anyway, i changed to boneflash and make her a fast runner."
--
Flash. x) Makes me think of flashers.
This page has a list of suffix suggestions.

lol it doesn't it?

"-sighs- i seem to be having troubles with names, eh? lol anyway, i changed it to dirtclaw. -hopes desperatly that there is dirt in there-"
--
Well, yes, there is dirt... It's the cat's word for poo.


"anyway, i suppose a more fitting name would fleckpelt."
--
Fleckpelt works.


"anyway, i kind of meant that a mouse's squeak might sound like a whisper of some sort. -sigh- i really don't even know. it's one of my delusional things again."
--
The naming guide should help you understand how to put together a name. For prefix suggestions, you can look here, at the end of the thread.

alrighty. (: lol i hope i'm not too much trouble about this. i feel like such a noob. i guess expirence means nothing against naming. (:

p.s. - i love smilies. and i love doing them backwards. it looks better that way... to me. sorry. this has nothing to do with the bio. I just thought i might something random in here. It could've been worse. I could've said rainbow toliet seats. i really could have. and i think i will ........... hehe. rainbow toilet seats.

[Ten]

"What she didn't know is that he was so submissive because he looked up to Mousevoice, and loved her greatly. No other she-cats would ever be around him."
--
No other she-cats? What made him so repulsive to them?


"So if Mousevoice asked him to hunt for her, he would. If she had asked him to go give up his life for her, he would have."
--
Well, they're a family, so hunting for one another seems natural. What did he do that made Boneflash decide he was too submissive?


"lol it doesn't it?"
--
mmhm, you should read it.


"alrighty. (: lol i hope i'm not too much trouble about this. i feel like such a noob. i guess expirence means nothing against naming. (:"
--
's fine as long as you come to something in the end.


"rainbow toilet seats."
--
ohnoes, not those.