Hailpaw

[Cloud]

"I can't remember what I was thinking when I asked that question. >>"

Hey, no forgetting things, that's my job. /joking x3

"Why does she care about privacy? There's not anywhere they can hide."

True, but she would feel uncomfortable with so many other...presences...around her most of the time. At least in the enclosure now, she thinks she wouldn't have to always feel like she's being observed.

"So she wants her kits to be powerful and famous, making her famous by association. I might've asked this before, but does Hailpaw decide to become a starrrzies because she had no father figure and her mother was a starrrzies too, or does she do it because her mother was so strict and forbid her from ever approaching a tom, leading her to see promiscuity as potent rebellion?"

Both of those reasons, really, though the latter one more. The first one is present in Hailpaw's mind as "Well if my mom did it it's okay."

[Ten]

...is the filter that sensitive?


"True, but she would feel uncomfortable with so many other...presences...around her most of the time."
--
They're trapped together. They have to be around her.


"At least in the enclosure now, she thinks she wouldn't have to always feel like she's being observed."
--
So what she minds is other cats monitoring her business?
Why does she care?


"Both of those reasons, really"
--
How can her mother both be a slut and forbid slutting around?
Or is it that she was a slut and then made a 180? Why would she do that?

[Cloud]

"They're trapped together. They have to be around her."

True, but...idk. Call it an irrational fear? /thinks of the crazy aunt from a Series of Unfortunate Events who's scared of realtors

"So what she minds is other cats monitoring her business?
Why does she care?"

She'd feel like they wanted a turn too, and she was busy. Therefore she'd be irritated.

"How can her mother both be a slut and forbid slutting around?
Or is it that she was a slut and then made a 180? Why would she do that?"

Well, Brown-nose was a slut, but she stopped being one after she had Hailpaw, and she didn't want her daughter to make the same mistake she did. However, part of Brown-nose still wanted to be a slut, and Hailpaw saw that, so she figured it must be okay, since it had made her mom so happy at one point. Why should she have to deny herself something that seemed so good, thought Hailpaw.

I think I died slightly at that last sentence. Hailpaw is such the opposite of me it's not even funny.

[Ten]

"True, but...idk. Call it an irrational fear? /thinks of the crazy aunt from a Series of Unfortunate Events who's scared of realtors"
--
Hey, realtors are scary. If Hailpaw has an irrational fear of being around cats, she'd have to be crazy scared out of her mind all the time.


"She'd feel like they wanted a turn too"
--
x3 Okay, put that.


"she stopped being one after she had Hailpaw, and she didn't want her daughter to make the same mistake she did"
--
What caused her to regard it as a mistake? Having to raise the kit on her own?


"Hailpaw is such the opposite of me it's not even funny."
--
I role play Shortwhisker and Grimykit, remember? You can do it.

[Cloud]

"Hey, realtors are scary. If Hailpaw has an irrational fear of being around cats, she'd have to be crazy scared out of her mind all the time."

No, she just has an irrational fear of having someone else watching her when she's...you know...>>

"x3 Okay, put that."

Has been done.

"What caused her to regard it as a mistake? Having to raise the kit on her own?"

Yes.

"I role play Shortwhisker and Grimykit, remember? You can do it."

I know, but that won't stop me from wincing whenever I post as her. ><

[Ten]

"Hailkit was born to a mother who had never meant to have her. Brown-nose named her daughter Hailkit for her pale gray fur."
--
It's a bit of jolt that you say something so ominous and then note her fur color.


"Brown-nose disliked some of the extra work of having to look after a kit," <-- no comma, unless you want to add another pronoun


"but liked the advantage of having a cat who would be loyal to her when she grew up."
--
Add in why that was.


"Hailpaw mourned her mother," <-- no comma


...Did I miss the part where you introduced the conflict between her and her mother over boys?

[Cloud]

"It's a bit of jolt that you say something so ominous and then note her fur color."

...so should I change it? And if so, to what? It just seems important to state that, considering what Hailpaw and Brown-nose are like and all...

"<-- no comma, unless you want to add another pronoun"

comma removed.

"Add in why that was."

I have. o3o

"...Did I miss the part where you introduced the conflict between her and her mother over boys?"

e.e Do I have to put it in? I've pretty much explained to you and it's going to be really hard to write without being inappropriate.

[Ten]

"...so should I change it? And if so, to what? It just seems important to state that, considering what Hailpaw and Brown-nose are like and all..."
--
It's not all that important to state, seeing as you've already told her name and her appearance (people should put two and two together) but if you want to keep it, that's alright if it's in a different place. You see, that first sentence is a perfect lead-up to explain Brown-nose's lifestyle and how Hailpaw changed her.


"Do I have to put it in?"
--
Yes. This is important.


"it's going to be really hard to write without being inappropriate."
--
Oh, I can help you with that. Something like...

Brown-nose used to be an immoral and rakish cat, taking up with any and all toms she came across -- until she got pregnant. That's when the focus of her life changed from pleasuring herself to caring for her kits, without any help from the father. In her selfless devotion to her first litter, her view of the world changed, and she vowed she would never allow her daughter Hailkit to make the same mistakes. Despite -- or because of -- rigid rules, harsh training, and strict orders to never talk to nor touch a tom, Hailpaw began to resent her mother and all the pressure she put on her, feeling lonely and unloved. It was not long before Hailpaw discovered the truth about her mother's past, making Brown-nose not only a tyrant but a hypocrite in her eyes. Her rebellious spirit flared and she began flirting with strangers to spite her mother and get sweet revenge, escalating her lewdness and promiscuity until she was just the sort of she-cat her mother had once been.

Something like that.