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Post by Ten on Dec 16, 2009 18:25:20 GMT -5
"Whitewhisker is a decent sized" <-- hyphenate
"cat, his short white fur." <-- with short, white fur?
"He doesn't believe the outside world exists. He doesn't tend to think about that issue as much."
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This seems thrown on the end. What's it there for?
"his suffix (-whisker) was given because of his long, almost abnormal"
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I'm thinking long whiskers aren't all that strange either.
How much longer than average would you estimate them as?
"(some cats have translucent)"
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You can take that out.
"He was born in a litter of two, thus Dustfur gave him and his sister a lot of attention."
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I'm not seeing how litter size relates to getting a lot of attention, unless you're comparing two to five.
"When Dustfur died, Nightfoot took on the 'mother role' of their family now"
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I'm thinking there shouldn't be a "now" there.
"The two had not completely learned how to hunt and fight,"
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So who taught them the rest?
"now they live their separate ways."
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You mean they went their separate ways?
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Post by ✖ s a n n i on Dec 16, 2009 21:27:11 GMT -5
Everything not responded to was edited
"his suffix (-whisker) was given because of his long, almost abnormal"
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I'm thinking long whiskers aren't all that strange either.
How much longer than average would you estimate them as?
~x~
The average length of a cat's whiskers are the width of their body. Whitewhisker has an average sized body, but he has whiskers that are long enough to be for a chubbier cat.
"He was born in a litter of two, thus Dustfur gave him and his sister a lot of attention."
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I'm not seeing how litter size relates to getting a lot of attention, unless you're comparing two to five.
~x~
Should I state that I'm comparing two to five, because yes, that's what I'm comparing to.
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Post by Ten on Dec 16, 2009 21:33:08 GMT -5
"Whitewhisker has an average sized body, but he has whiskers that are long enough to be for a chubbier cat."
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That's true of one of our cats, Kookie. She's a petite little girl, but she's got whiskers like a walrus. Another one of our cats, Joon, is huge, but as far as whiskers go he's almost bald. Having whiskers that match the body type is the norm, of course, but having whiskers of a different length isn't all that rare, you know?
"Should I state that I'm comparing two to five"
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Yeah, just some sort of mention of how they got more attention than they would have in a larger litter.
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Post by ✖ s a n n i on Dec 16, 2009 22:27:43 GMT -5
"Whitewhisker has an average sized body, but he has whiskers that are long enough to be for a chubbier cat."
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That's true of one of our cats, Kookie. She's a petite little girl, but she's got whiskers like a walrus. Another one of our cats, Joon, is huge, but as far as whiskers go he's almost bald. Having whiskers that match the body type is the norm, of course, but having whiskers of a different length isn't all that rare, you know?
~x~
Yeah, I see what you mean now. Would it be alright if I changed the whisker description to something more along the lines of, "his suffix (-whisker) was given because of his many, thin, almost feather-like whiskers."
Or something like that. Is that a little less common?
"Should I state that I'm comparing two to five"
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Yeah, just some sort of mention of how they got more attention than they would have in a larger litter.
~x~
I added a little mention to the fact.
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Post by Ten on Dec 17, 2009 14:18:23 GMT -5
"his suffix (-whisker) was given because of his many, thin, almost feather-like whiskers."
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How can whiskers look like feathers?
Cats use whiskers to sense their surroundings, so whisker is a good suffix for a cat with high sensitivity.
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Post by ✖ s a n n i on Dec 17, 2009 19:36:26 GMT -5
"his suffix (-whisker) was given because of his many, thin, almost feather-like whiskers."
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How can whiskers look like feathers?
Cats use whiskers to sense their surroundings, so whisker is a good suffix for a cat with high sensitivity.
~x~
AHA! Would it be okay if I mentioned a high sensitivity in his whiskers then?
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Post by Ten on Dec 17, 2009 20:00:43 GMT -5
"Would it be okay if I mentioned a high sensitivity in his whiskers then?"
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mm, maybe. I'm not sure how they would know, come to think of it.
How sensitive is he in an emotional sense?
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Post by ✖ s a n n i on Dec 17, 2009 22:26:14 GMT -5
"Would it be okay if I mentioned a high sensitivity in his whiskers then?"
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mm, maybe. I'm not sure how they would know, come to think of it.
How sensitive is he in an emotional sense?
~x~
Compared to his sister, he's more emotionally sensitive. He was always "the baby."
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Post by Ten on Dec 18, 2009 15:31:03 GMT -5
Put that in his history, then.
"now they went" <-- now they have gone?
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Post by ✖ s a n n i on Dec 19, 2009 22:11:36 GMT -5
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