Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Sept 14, 2009 20:29:38 GMT -5
Role player| Brain  Name| Adderfang Gender| Tom Physical Description| He is a brown spotted tabby with amber eyes. Views| Adderfang is a con who would not trust a Clan or a leader at all because they would make him do things he wouldn't want to do, like hunting with cats he doesn't like. He also believes that a Clan would occupy territory that he would like to hunt on and would do anything to prevent a clan from forming. Kin| Mother: dead Father: dead History| Adderkit was named because his pelt was similar to the scales of the sidewinder adder. A few days later, his father was struck dead by this very same animal. He earned his warrior name, Adderfang, for using his teeth more than other cats when hunting and fighting. Adderpaw was raised and mentored by his mother, a con who trained him to be the best fighter he could possibly be. She taught him all the battle moves she knew. They never claimed a territory, for his mother had taught him that territory was evil because it gave other cats less room to hunt. Soon after he became a warrior, Adderfang's mother died trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory claims. He now lurks around sabotaging all plans for clans, like his mother once did. |
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Post by Ten on Sept 18, 2009 21:30:54 GMT -5
A spotted tabby, hm? This app. will go on hold, then?
"Any cat could see the RiverClan ancestry"
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Everyone here is from RiverClan.
Clan should be capitalized.
"does not trust" <-- would not trust? Also, why wouldn't he?
"He believes that a clan would occupy territory that he would like to hunt on and would do anything to prevent a clan from forming."
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I suggest adding another pronoun after the "and", to clarify. It almost sounds like the Clan would do anything to prevent a Clan from forming, though I know that's not what you meant. So is this supposed to be more of his reasoning on why, or does this just say he'd hate it if there were a Clan?
"that struck his father dead"
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Now this here makes the name dubious. "Look, your daddy's dead; let's name you after that."
"for his long teeth"
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You mean... he's a mutant with sabers? Or does he have "long teeth" as in average for a cat?
"trained him to be the best fighter he could possibly be."
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So he's invincible?
"all the battle moves she knew or had picked up in battles."
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Wouldn't ones she had picked up in battles also be ones she knew?
"in a fight over a lizard"
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I get the feeling this wasn't supposed to be funny.
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Sept 19, 2009 9:10:44 GMT -5
"A spotted tabby, hm? This app. will go on hold, then?" --- Aw, I should have read the stats. Okay. "Everyone here is from RiverClan." --- If you think it's too obvious, I'll delete it. "Would not trust? Also, why wouldn't he?" --- Because they would make him do things he doesn't want to do. "So is this supposed to be more of his reasoning on why, or does this just say he'd hate it if there were a Clan?" --- It's his reasoning. "Now this here makes the name dubious. "Look, your daddy's dead; let's name you after that."" --- I just laughed so hard! Okay, his father's death can be shortly after he was named. That could be excellent irony. "You mean... he's a mutant with sabers? Or does he have "long teeth" as in average for a cat?" --- Okay, for using his teeth more when fighting and hunting than other cats. "Wouldn't ones she had picked up in battles also be ones she knew?" --- Yes. I get the feeling this wasn't supposed to be funny. ---  |
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Post by Ten on Sept 19, 2009 9:26:41 GMT -5
"If you think it's too obvious,"
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It's too obvious.
"Because they would make him do things he doesn't want to do. "
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Such as what?
"It's his reasoning."
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It doesn't make sense that he wouldn't to be part of a Clan because the Clan takes up territory. If he were part of the Clan, he could hunt on that territory.
"That could be excellent irony."
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Seems rather contrived, but it passes.
A fight over a lizard seems so trivial. Nothing worth dying over.
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Sept 19, 2009 9:30:53 GMT -5
"Such as what?"
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Hunting.
"It doesn't make sense that he wouldn't to be part of a Clan because the Clan takes up territory. If he were part of the Clan, he could hunt on that territory."
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He's already given his reason why he doesn't want to be in a Clan, this is why he doesn't want a Clan to form.
A fight over a lizard seems so trivial. Nothing worth dying over.
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Okay, a territory battle.
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Post by Ten on Sept 19, 2009 9:41:10 GMT -5
"Hunting."
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He thinks a Clan wouldn't allow him to hunt? Why?
"this is why he doesn't want a Clan to form."
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aha.
"Okay, a territory battle."
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Didn't you say they thought territory was evil? Are you changing your mind, or did his mother attack someone for claiming a territory?
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Sept 20, 2009 11:22:20 GMT -5
"He thinks a Clan wouldn't allow him to hunt? Why?"
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He thinks a Clan would make him hunt when he doesn't want to.
"Did his mother attack someone for claiming a territory?"
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That's exactly what I meant.
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Post by Ten on Sept 20, 2009 13:58:37 GMT -5
"He thinks a Clan would make him hunt when he doesn't want to."
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Why wouldn't he want to? Is he lazy?
"That's exactly what I meant."
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mmkay. This, though - "Adderfang's mother died soon after he became a warrior trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory claims." - sounds like he became a warrior by trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory.
"excessively long teeth"
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He's still a mutant.
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Sept 20, 2009 15:08:01 GMT -5
"Why wouldn't he want to? Is he lazy?" --- Okay then, hunt with cats that he doesn't want to hunt with. "mmkay. This, though - "Adderfang's mother died soon after he became a warrior trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory claims." - sounds like he became a warrior by trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory." --- I'll fix that. "He's still a mutant." --- Oh, I forgot to change the appearance  |
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
|
Post by Brain on Sept 20, 2009 15:08:08 GMT -5
"Why wouldn't he want to? Is he lazy?" --- Okay then, hunt with cats that he doesn't want to hunt with. "mmkay. This, though - "Adderfang's mother died soon after he became a warrior trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory claims." - sounds like he became a warrior by trying to get a cat to forfeit his territory." --- I'll fix that. "He's still a mutant." --- Oh, I forgot to change the appearance |
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