Post by Ten on Sept 12, 2009 21:27:22 GMT -5
I've posted this on Warriors Wish and received mixed responses. I'd like to see what the people of Starless have to say.
Ten's Warrior Journals: Into the Wild
Warriors began with one book: Into the Wild. First books set a precedent for the quality of their series. What drew fans into the world of the Clans to begin with? A simple love of cats, or a deep admiration for the Erins' storycrafting skills? What do Rusty's first days have to offer in way of morals and messages? What themes does this book explore? All know what Firestar is like now, but was he better (or worse) in the beginning? Ten has begun rereading Into the Wild in order to analyze its contents, scribbling some thoughts on each chapter, which she has organized here for all to view and comment on. She invites you to answer her questions.
Prologue
Alternative Title: A Rare (the only?) ThunderClan Defeat
A half-moon glowed on smooth granite boulders, turning them silver.
The stone wasn't already gray? If not, why would moonlight cause it to change color, considering moonlight is but reflected sunlight?
So some cats come along and a battle begins. The narration focuses on one particular pair of toms.
"After tonight, Tigerlcaw, this will just be another RiverClan hunting ground!" the bracken-colored tom spat back.
This braken-colored tom has just revealed himself to be a Mr. Exposition. Ten doesn't know anyone who interjects nouns of direct address into their speech like this. She also isn't sure why he would waste time forming words at all when he could instead focus on his next battle move. While this isn't a big problem, it is not a mark of skill.
The dark tabby glared down at Oakheart. "You may swim like otters, but you and your warriors do not belong in this forest!"
The conjunction "but" identifies a contradiction. How is this a contradiction? Does swimming manner or ability have some connection to belonging in that forest? Or did Tigerclaw feel like praising RiverClan's talents (useless infodump?) while restating that this isn't their territory?
The desperate scream of a ThunderClan she-cat rose above the clamor. A wiry RiverClan tom had pinned the brown warrior flat on her belly. Now he lunged toward her neck with jaws still dripping from his swim across the river.
Tigerclaw heard the cry and let go of Oakheart. With a might leap, he knocked the enemy warrior away from the she-cat.
Is the RiverClanner lunging in slow motion, or is the she-cat a wussy damsel in distress who screamed before the tom had even pinned her?
"Quick, Mousefur, run! he ordered, before turning on the RiverClan tom who had threatened her. Mousefur scrambled to her paws, wincing from a deep gash on her shoulder, and raced away."
Run? Isn't this a battle? Isn't Mousefur a warrior? Why would he tell her to run? Are readers to understand that fighting is a tom's job?
Behind her, Tigerclaw spat with rage as the RiverClan tom sliced open his nose. Blood blinded him for an instant, but he lunged forward regardless and sank his teeth into the hind leg of his enemy. The RiverClan cat squealed and strugled free.
When he sliced his nose, blood fountained up into his eyes? Assuming yes, wouldn't that be painful and last more than a mere instant?
Redtail orders a retreat, despite Tigerclaw's protests.
In a deserted clearing, an old gray she-cat sat alone, staring up at the clear night sky.
If someone is there, then it's not deserted. It's deserted except for her.
Bluestar angsts and infodumps to the medicine cat about the hard times ThunderClan is facing, who should already know about this. Spottedleaf gets a prophecy - "Fire will save the Clan." Is there a reason StarClan is so vague and inspecific, or do they derive some sadistic glee at watching cats fret, wonder, and scratch their metaphorical heads?
Messages in This Chapter
{x}Moonlight can change an object's color.
{x}Females need males to rescue them.
{x}Readers need dialogue to explain everything for them in unnatural speech patterns.
Chapter 1
Alternative Title: Rusty Has A Dream, and it's not like MLK Jr.'s
Rusty is hungry, in a forest, and has seen a mouse.
He swallowed, stifing his rumbling stomach.
How does swallowing stifle one's stomach? Or do the Erins mean that he swallowed while stifling? How does one stifle one's stomach or stumach rumbling at all? Perhaps Rusty has strong abdominal muscles.
The mouse escapes and the dream ends, so Rusty goes about being unhappy and boring.
He was inside a hot and airless kitchen, curled in his bed.
Airless must be some sort of metaphor, because otherwise Rusty couldn't be breathing. Also, do his owners not have air conditioning?
His collar rubbed uncomfortably around his neck. In his dream, he had felt fresh air ruffling the soft fur where the collar usually pinched.
Cats that dislike or aren't used to collars tend to figure out how to remove them. So why doesn't Rusty do that? Or are his owners abusive bastards who've tightened it too much? Are they trying to suffocate him along with their airless kitchen? In that case, Rusty must've died already and is now a zombie.
From his bed he could smell the bland odor of his food.
The narration is from Rusty's point of view. Therefore readers can assume he dislikes his food. Ten's cats have always seemed eager to eat whatever they get, so why is this not the case with Rusty? Has he had something better to compare it to? Or did he start hating his food all of the sudden after these mouse dreams started?
A few sentences later, narration confirms Rusty's opinion on his food.
The food felt dry and tasteless on his tongue. Rusty reluctantly swallowed one more mouthful.
Warriors Canon Moral #1: cat food is bad.
The book seems to suggest that everyone should be feeding their cats fresh meat. Why doesn't Rusty catch his own food? It's likely he doesn't know how, but if that's the case, then he should be grateful he gets any food at all.
It was raining lightly.
In fiction, rain shows up whenever there's a dramatic event or important change about to happen, so it's clear the Erins don't want anyone thinking Rusty will remain a kittypet. They like to keep things predictable.
He made his dirt beneath a large bush with glossy geen leaves and heavy purple flowers. Their sickly sweet scent cloyed the damp air around him, and he curled his lip to drive the smell out of his nostrils.
Ten's thinking the Erins must've been desperate to boost their word count to include a sentence about the main character taking a dump. That, or they thought they were being creative, since most fiction skips over this sort of thing (for obvious reasons).
So collars made by humans are bad and cat food made by humans is bad, but now flowers in the backyards of humans are bad? They're flowers. They're natural. Unless Rusty's owners are botanic geneticists who bio-engineered an unnatural species.
Can cats curl their lips? If so, wouldn't that expose the vomeronasal organ, meaning Rusty would smell them even more? How would curling his lip do anything to drive the smell out of his nostrils?
Rusty stretched his head forward to take a sniff of the damp air. His skin was warm and dry under his thick coat, but the could feel the weight of the raindrops that sparkled on his ginger fur.
So instead of telling readers what the damp air smelled like, the Erins inform us that Rusty is wet.
He heard his owners giving him one last call from the back door. If he went to them now, they would greet him witth gentle words and caresses and welcome him onto their bed, where he would curl, purring, warm in the crook of a bent knee.
But this time Rusty ignored his owner's voices and turned his gaze back to the forest. The crisp smell of the woods had grown fresher after the rain.
Only now do the Erins get to mentioning what this damp air is like. Maybe they're slow at picking up their cues.
Warriors Canon Moral #2: gentle greetings are bad. Ten doesn't get this. The whole sleeping in a warm bed deal sounds great. While it's not unusual for a cat to not come when called, something in the wording seems to imply that his humans' friendliness and loving welcome is wrong. More on this later.
Also, is Rusty interested in the forest for any reason besides the "allure of the unkown" and "StarClan is calling him"? He has food, warmth, and kind humans. Why is he not satisfied? Not enough "adventure"?
Suddenly the fur on his spine prickled.
Read "Tension" by Billy Collins. rinabeana.com/poemoftheday/index.php/2009/01/11/tension-by-billy-collins/ The word suddenly = automatic narm.
"Where are you off to, Rusty?" meowed a familiar voice behind him.
Rusty looked up. A young black-and-white cat was balancing ungracefully on the fence.
"Hello, Smudge," Rusty replied.
So instead of answering a direct question, Rusty tells readers the name of this minor character. Thanks, Rusty, but why don't you provide exposition on where you're off to? Do you have a problem with answering direct questions? Erin Hunter, are readers supposed to like this guy?
"He's hardly been beyond his own garden since he went to the vet. All he wants to do is eat and sleep."
Warriors Canon Moral #3: neutering is bad. Must Ten bother to explain why this preaching is incorrect, or shall she trust your intelligence?
Rusty enters the woods, sees a mouse, and begins to hunt it. Then a fox makes a noise and Rusty sees its tail. Next thing he knows, he's being attacked.
The creature hit him like an explosion and Rusty was thrown sideways into a clump of nettles. Twisting and yowling, he tried to throw off the attacker that had fastened itself to his back.
Ten has seen cats fight each other. They don't fasten themselves to their opponent's backs.
This scene also supports moral #2, since this attacker will later become Rusty's best friend.
Rusty knocks the breath out of (and dislodges) the other cat by flipping over. Either Ten is picturing this the wrong way, or all of this is unrealistic. Mr. Protagonist dashes off, his future best friend takes off after him,
and then... Rusty decides he want to fight (Why? Why would he fight this cat? What is he fighting for? The right to steal prey?) and his attacker decides to... not fight. He instead sits down and takes a bath (Why? Shouldn't he be chasing the intruder off ThunderClan territory?).
Rusty remained on tiptoe fro a second, wondering whether to attack anyway.
What is he, bloodthirsty? The cat isn't fighting him anymore (though why not, Ten doesn't know) so why would Rusty attack him? "Adventure"? It appears the protagonist has a love of violence. Ten wonders where that love dissappeared to once he became leader. One could argue he was older, wiser, and more responsible by then, but Ten still would like to know why Rusty wants to attack here.
Also, don't cats stand on their toes anyway?
Graypaw introduces himself and is friendly in general to this kittypet/stranger/intruder.
"What's a kittypet like you doing out in the woods? Don't you know it's dangerous?" asked Graypaw.
"If you're the most dangerous thing the woods has to offer, then I think I can handle it," Rusty bluffed.
This time not only does Rusty avoid answering questions, but throws in a free bonus gift of complete jerkwad. Ten asks again: are readers supposed to like this guy?
Graypaw explains that he's not attacking Rusty anymore because he's a kittypet and too pathetic to be a threat, despite the fact that he was about to steal ThunderClan prey and is still trespassing on ThunderClan territory.
Rusty felt a thrill of fear at these ominous words. What did this cat mean by "intruder"?
Now this is silly. All cats would know what an intruder is. All cats have territorial instincts, regardless of their upraising or lifestyle.
"Anyway," meowed Graypaw, using his sharp teeth to tug a clump of grass from between his teeth, "I didn't think it was worth hurting you."
According to the grammar that the Erins employed here, Graypaw is meowing while pulling grass clumps at the same time. One would think that'd impede his speech.
Graypaw paused to spit angrily and continued...
This has Ten thinking of toothless hicks who spit in the dirt and walk around with blades of grass or hay in their mouths, rings ironed into their back pockets.
This must be one of the wildcats Smudge had warned him about! Living rough in the woods, hunting and fighting each other for every last scrap of food. Yet Rusty didn't feel scared.
Has he been sharing notes with Isabella Swan?
Also note that only a moment earlier he had "felt a thrill of fear". Either something changed to make Graypaw less threatening and Ten forgot to read that sentence, or the Erins can't make up their minds. Or perhaps they just forgot what they wrote on the previous page.
Graypaw complains about cat food. Erin Hunter must've offered to increase his salary if he made sure readers don't forget about moral #1. In real life, strays like cat food. One can assume some of them can also hunt, but they'll take anything they can get. Beggers can't be choosers, as the saying goes.
"I can't think of anything worse than beng a kittypet! They're nothing but Twoleg toys! Eating stuff that doesn't look like food, making dirt in a box of gravel, sticking their noses outside only when the Twolegs allow them? That's no life! Out here it's wild, and it's free. We come and go as we please." He finished his speech with a proud spit, then meowed mischievously, "Until you've tasted a fresh-kill mouse, you haven't lived."
Warriors Canon Moral #4: humans owning cats is bad. This makes at least one of the Erins and a good chunk of the fanbase a load of hypocrites. Also, here Graypaw shows off more of his hick spitting skills. According to him, cats that haven't eaten fresh mice haven't lived. That's a ton of cats that he's condemning.
Graypaw smells more cats coming and warns Rusty, who just stands there like an idiot until it's too late. Meet Bluestar and Lionheart. Graypaw introduces Rusty as "just a Twoleg pet" and Rusty gets offended by the truth. What was he expecting, a string of titles and majestic fanfare? Get over yourself.
Graypaw continues to be Mr. Exposition and Bluestar praises Rusty, the kittypet intruder, for fighting well and turning to face his attacker, which he had no apparent reason nor justification for doing. If Rusty had some noble cause to fight for, Ten would understand, but instead, Rusty wanted to fight for tresspassing and stealing. The praiseworthy, smart, and respectful thing for him to have done is leave, not stand and fight. So the main character has proved himself to be stupid, arrogant, and disrespectful.
"I have been wondering how you would perform out here, beyond the Twolegplace. We patrol this border frequently, so I have often seen you sitting on your boundary, staring out into the forest. And now, at last, you have dared to place your paws here."
Bluestar sounds a bit like a stalker. By "frequently", does she mean with more frequence than the other borders? Ten would think they'd have more to worry about from the other Clans than from kittypets. So is she addled enough to see one red cat and think he's her savior, or is Ten missing something?
"You do seem to have a natural hunting ability. Sharp eyes. You would have caught that mouse if you had not hesitated so long."
Of course he has natural ability. He's a cat. Cats are born with hunting instincts. However, they have to be taught how. Rusty hasn't been taught how.
Lionheart spoke now. His deep meow was respectful but insistent. "Bluestar, this is a kittypet. He should not be hunting in ThunderClan territory. Send him home to his Twolegs!"
Yes, listen to Lionheart. He's a reasonable fellow.
Rusty prickled at Lionheart's dismissive words. "Send me home?" he mewed impatiently.
What is there to get impatient about? Rusty has no right to be angry that Lionheart is expressing logic.
"But I've only come here to hunt for a mouse or two. I'm sure there's enough to go around."
It's still stealing. He's acting like a spoiled brat, thinking he can do whatever he wants and expect everyone to adore him. The narration then calls the Clan cats "mean" because they're displeased with this.
Morals and Messages in This Chapter:
#1 cat food is bad
#2 gentle greetings are bad
#3 neutering is bad
#4 humans owning cats is bad
Rusty is stupid, spoiled, rude, and has a big ego.
Readers are supposed to think of him as a good guy.
Chapter 2
Alternative Title: An Offer He Can't Refuse
At first Rusty doesn't get what he did wrong. It takes Bluestar spelling it out for him to understand. The word "suddenly" pops up again. For his apology, he sits up, looks her in the eye, and in all other ways discontinues his submissive posture. If the Erins intend for these cats to be communicating based on cat body language and not human body language, then this is the wrong posture for an apology. He doesn't seem sorry at all.
"You are an unusual kittypet, Rusty," she meowed.
Is that because of his fur color or his stupidity? ...Wait, how does she know his name?
This time Rusty starts asking questions and it's Bluestar's turn to be evasive. Sort of. Narration calls them "guarded answers" but, although Ten wouldn't call them direct answers, they don't seem to be hiding anything. During the conversation, Rusty thinks "a little guiltily of his own easy, selfish life." [p. 21] What's selfish is the snobby way he treats his humans. Sure, that's to be expected of a cat, but if he's experiencing actual guilt here then he'd go back and be grateful, not ditch the poor people. Again, why did he come into the forest? "StarClan"? "Adventure"? The plot told him to?
At last she returned her gaze to Rusty and meowed, "Perhaps you should find out these things for yourself. Would you like to join ThunderClan?"
Why on earth would she ask that? Just because of his fur color, despite his total lack of both respect and intelligence? They should kick his butt and run him out of there, not offer him anything. But Bluestar is desperate for warriors. Note that ShadowClan is later looked down upon for a similar practice. While age is different than origin, under-aged kits are more competent than this main character.
Bluestar fell silent and Lionheart meowed, "Bluestar is only offering you training, young kit. There is no guarantee you would become a full warrior. It might prove too difficult for you. After all, you are used to a comfortable life."
Rusty was stung by Lionheart's words.
The truth, it burns.
"You must either live with us and respect our ways, or return to your Twolegplace and never come back."
Respect their ways? Rusty has shown constant disrespect for their ways thus far and will continue to do so. They should expect that.
"But do you realize the price you will pay for your warmth and food?"
Rusty looked at her, puzzled. Surely his encounter with these cats had proved to him just how easy and luxurious his life was.
Ten is puzzled as to what he's puzzled about. It's clear he hates his current life (why that is, Ten isn't sure; not enough "adventure"?) so joining the Clan is a no-brainer. Even he should be able to figure this out.
"I can tell that you are still a tom," Bluestar added, "despite the Twoleg stench that clings to your fur."
"What do you mean - still a tom?"
"You haven't yet been taken by the Twolegs to see the Cutter," meowed Bluestar gravely. "You would be very different then. Not quite so keen to fight a Clan cat, I suspect!"
Bluestar supports moral #3.
"But the rewards are great. You will remain a tom. You will be trained in the ways of the wild. You will learn what it is to be a real cat."
"You will paint with the colors of the wind"? Aside from keeping his reproductive capabilities, these rewards seem vague, except for reinforcing Graypaw's earlier point that cats who haven't eaten fresh meat aren't real cats. Is anyone else taking issue with that, or is it just Ten? She's thinking that eating or not eating something doesn't determine if anyone is "real" or not and is indignant that the Erins would imply otherwise.
Rusty asks to think about the offer. Once more: he hates living as a kittypet, so he trespasses on Clan lands and is a snotty moron in general, and yet when they give him this generous (and stupid) proposal, he has to think about it? Why?
And as Rusty turned and headed for home, he felt a strange sensation inside him, tugging him back into the depths of the forest. His fur prickled deliciously in the light wind, and the rustling leaves seemed to whisper his name into the shadows.
Erin Hunter must have misunderstood the phrase "nature calls". And how does fur prickle "deliciously"? That's a misprint, isn't it? That has to be a misprint.
Morals and Messages in This Chapter:
#3 neutering is bad
Chapter 3
Alternative Title: The Welcoming Committee
Rusty has the mouse dream again and wakes up.
His food bowl had been topped up, and his water bowl rinsed out and filled with bitter-tasting Twoleg water.
Now moral #1 has a new corollary: any water that isn't rain or river water is bad.
Outside, Rusty talks to Smudge.
"Anyway, why weren't you out earlier? Yesterday you were complaining about Henry sleeping his time away, and today you're not much better yourself."
For one thing, cats aren't diurnal, and for another, cats do spend a lot of time sleeping. It's their nature.
At once he felt the blood stir in his veins and his fur stiffen.
Mentioning the forest gets Rusty excited.
Can fur stiffen? It can stand on end, yes, but stiffen? Is that possible?
"They asked me to join their Clan."
Smudge's whiskers quivered disbelievingly.
"They did!" Rusty insisted.
"Why would they do that?"
"I don't know," Rusty admitted.
Vote for Smudge, the smartest character in the book so far.
"I wouldn't trust them if I were you."
Rusty looked at Smudge. His black-and-white friend had never shown any interest in venturing into the woods. He was perfectly content living with his housefolk.
Is that a bad thing?
He would never understand the restless longing that Rusty's dreams stirred in him night after night.
Nobody knows the trouble he's seen; nobody knows his sorrow...
Rusty decides to join the Clan. Smudge is upset and doesn't want him to go, whereas Rusty doesn't seem to care about leaving his (only?) friend.
"Don't worry. My housefolk will get another cat. You'll get on with him fine. You get along with everyone!"
"But it won't be the same!" Smudge wailed.
Rusty twitched his tail impatiently. "That's just the point. If I stay around here till they take me to the Cutter, I won't be the same either."
Rusty cares more about keeping his parts than keeping his friends. Moral #3 just keeps coming back.
Rusty felt his heart fill with sadness at the thought of leaving his friend. "I'm sorry, Smudge. I'll miss you, but I have to go."
No, Ten isn't convinced. It took until the end of the conversation for this to happen, which means he can't care much. In fact, he seems to look down on Smudge.
Ten is now promoting Smudge to the title of Sir Smudge because he's so much better than Rusty.
Sir Smudge and his ingrate of a neighbor decide to spend one more morning together. Then Rusty goes off to meet with Lionheart.
"Even the tiniest Clan kit knows when another cat is nearby."
So because he was raised by humans, Rusty has weaker senses? One could argue that he isn't as accustomed to using them, but then, neither is the tiniest Clan kit. So what makes the tiniest Clan kit more aware than Rusty is? Warrior blood?
Oh, hello. Lionheart brought a friend.
Rusty looked at the tom and felt his spine tingle with cold fear. Was this a trap? Long-bodied and muscular, Whitestorm stood in front of Rusty and gazed down at him. His white coat was thick and unmarked and his eyes were the yellow of sunbaked sand. Rusty flattened his ears warily, and tensed his muscles in preparation for a fight.
He's being silly again. Why bother with a trap? If they were going to attack him, they would've done it by now. They should've done it by now, in fact. They should've chased him out the first day he came.
Whitestorm has heard a lot about Rusty. Ten is under the impression that Whitestorm is supposed to be a wise character, so why does he not seem to have a problem about letting this kittypet join the Clan? Instead of expressing outrage, he and Lionheart lead Rusty back to camp and explain the practice of sharing tongues, which is not French kissing.
Bluestar comes along, tells Rusty that she's glad he came (Why? Because she's desperate? Because he has red fur?), and calls a Clan meeting. Of course the Clan is not happy about an outsider joining. They all seem to have mental disabilities, however, because it takes them a while to notice that Rusty is wearing a collar and is therefore a kittypet.
Readers are supposed to think of Longtail as a bad guy because he heads the outcries against Rusty. Ten is disappointed to write that Longtail's main argument is that the collar bell is noisy. Doesn't it occur to him that a collar can be removed? If Whitestorm has heard a lot about Rusty, then there must've been enough stories circulating for Longtail to argue the stronger points that Rusty is disrespectful, arrogant, and stupid.
With Lionheart's urging, Rusty attacks Longtail. He could have made a simple counterargument, saying that it would be easy enough to rid himself of the collar, but... wait, why didn't he? Not smart enough? Loves violence too much?
As Rusty scratched and struggled, he was suddenly aware that he felt no fear, only exhilaration. Through the roaring of the blood in his ears, he could hear the cats around them wailing with excitement.
Considering an outsider just attacked one of their clanmates, why aren't they doing anything to help Longtail?
They stop fighting when the collar breaks. Bluestar takes it as a sign from StarClan. This sort of thinking is an insult to religions everywhere. StarClan had nothing to do with it; the collar broke because of the laws of physics (though to be fair, Ten is not experienced in breaking collars).
Rusty nods his acceptance. Ten would explain what he's accepting if she knew. No, it doesn't make sense in context either.
Bluestar stepped forward and took the collar from Longtail. She placed it on the ground in frotg of her and meowed, "The newcomer has lost his Twoleg collar in a battle for his honor. StarClan has spoken its approval - this cat has been released from the hold of his Twoleg owners, and is free to join ThunderClan as an apprentice."
Rusty looked at Bluestar and solemnly nodded his acceptance.
So what is he accepting here? That he lost his collar? That he's not a kittypet anymore (which he had already decided)? That he's free to join the Clan (which is something he should be on the ground thanking them for, not nodding "acceptance")?
Also, how is it that a young, inexperienced ex-pet is a worthy opponent for a Clan warrior?
Bluestar renames him Firepaw, Firepaw kicks dirt over his collar, and there is much rejoicing. No, really. All of the sudden cats are forgetting their objections, ignoring that the first thing he did upon entering camp was injure a ThunderClan warrior, and welcoming him.
"Where did Longtail creep off to?"
"I think he was heading toward Spottedleaf's den." Graypaw tipped his head toward the fern-enclosed corner Longtail ha disappeared into. "She's our medicine cat. Not bad-looking either. Younger and a lot prettier than most-"
A low yowl next to the two cats stopped Graypaw midspeech. They both turned, and Firepaw recognized the powerful gray tabby cat who had sat behind Graypaw earlier.
"Darkstripe," mewed Graypaw, dipping his head respectfully.
The sleek tom looked at Firepaw for a moment. "Lucky your collar snapped when it did. Longtail is a young warrior, but I can't imagine him being beaten by a kittypet!" He spat the word kittypet scornfully, then turned and stalked off.
"Now Darkstripe," Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, "is neither young, nor pretty..."
Graypaw and the narration treat Darkstripe as if he's a bad guy, but nothing he said is bad. What would be bad is if he said, "Too bad your collar snapped when it did. I wanted to watch you die, and if you don't impress me, that just might happen." But all he did is say the word "kittypet" with scorn. Firepaw and Graypaw scorn kittypets as well, so why is Darkstripe supposed to be bad?
Also, Erin Hunter seems to think Beauty Equals Goodness.
Ravenpaw crashes into camp, Graypaw goes into exposition mode, and Firepaw keeps asking dumb questions about who everyone is, which only encourages Graypaw. What with all the explaining, it takes a while to get to Ravenpaw's announcement that Redtail is dead.
This might've had some impact if readers cared who Redtail is.
Morals and Messages in This Chapter:
#1 b. any water that isn't rain or river water is bad
#3 neutering is bad
{x} Beauty Equals Goodness
Chapter 4
Alternative Title: Introduction to Enemies and Love Interests (Not As Exciting As It Sounds)
Ravenpaw goes into a long explanation of what happened and faints. Spottedleaf takes care of him as Tigerclaw arrives with Redtail's body. Graypaw's exposition is more justifiable during this part.
Firepaw watched. He had not known Redtail, but he couldn't help feeling moved as he witnessed the Clan mourn.
Ten isn't convinced. Rusty doesn't seem to care, like he didn't care about ditching Sir Smudge. Firepaw seems detached and passive in general. Considering his violent tendencies, maybe he's a sociopath.
"And Ravenpaw seemed really shaken up. he's always been a bit jumpy, but I've never seen him this bad before."
He was there when someone died. That's bound to have an effect on anyone. With that in mind, Ten thinks it's remarkable how not frantic he was.
Graypaw and Firepaw want to see how Ravenpaw's doing. Tigerclaw is already talking to Spottedleaf, so they wait and listen to their conversation. Narration calls Tigerclaw's claw a "talon". Though Ten knows this is to avoid the repetition in saying Tigerclaw's claw, it still looks bad.
Then Tigerclaw notices Firepaw. Moral #2 comes into play.
"Who's this?" he asked Graypaw, towering above them.
"He's the new apprentice," Graypaw mewed.
"He smells like a kittypet!" snorted the warrior.
"I was a house cat," Firepaw meowed boldly, "but I am going to train to be a warrior."
Tigerclaw looked at him with sudden interest. "Ah, yes. Now i remember. Bluestar mentioned that she had stumbled across some stray kittypet. So she's actually going to try you out, is she?"
Firepaw sat up very straight, anxious to impress this distinguished Clan warrior. "That's right," he mewed respectfully.
Tigerclaw eyed him thoughtfully. "Then I shall watch your progress with interest."
First of all, what Firepaw is supposed to have meowed "boldly" does not exhibit any particular boldness, nor does "That's right" sound like a respectful affirmative, and of course everyone knows it's not respectful because Firepaw wouldn't do something like show respect. If he wanted to show respect, he could say something like "Yes, sir" while averting his eyes and lowering his head. That's cat body language for “I respect you.”
Tigerclaw's first interaction with Firepaw seems benign. He goes on to become the main villain.
Just then Ravenpaw stirred and twitched his ears. "Has he gone?" he mumbled.
"Who? Tigerclaw?" replied Graypaw, trotting toward him. "Yep, he's gone."
"Hi, there," Firepaw began, about to introduce himself.
"Go away, both of you!" Spottedleaf protested. "How am I meant to help this cat with all these interruptions!"
Questions should have question marks at the end.
This too is an example of moral #2. While Spottedleaf's yelling can be justified, as can Graypaw's attack, it seems strange that Firepaw proceeds to fall in supposed love with her.
Narration mentions Graypaw's "duties as a guide" (despite that no one appointed him for that position) as he begins to give Firepaw a tour. Ten would like to know - do cats make nests in real life?
As Graypaw and Firepaw settled themselves beside the tree stump, a young she-cat crawled out from beneath the ferns. Her coat was ginger, like Firepaw's, but much paler, with barely visible stripes of darker fur.
"So here comes the new apprentice!" she meowed, narrowing her eyes.
"Hello," Firepaw mewed.
The young cat sniffed rudely. "He smells like a kittypet! Don't tell me I'm going to have to share my nest with that revolting stench!"
Firepaw felt rather taken aback. Since his fight with Longtail, all the cats had been quite friendly. Maybe they had just been distracted by Ravenpaw's news, he thought.
"You'll have to excuse Sandpaw," apologized Graypaw. "I think she must have a furball stuck somewhere. She's not usually this bad-tempered."
"Psst!" spat Sandpaw crossly.
The rude people Ten has come across in real life tend to have much better comebacks. Either none of the Erins are good at coming up with that sort of thing, or they wanted to make Sandpaw look stupider than Firepaw and Graypaw. That's harsh.
Sandpaw is a Type B tsundere and yet another reinforcement of moral #2 - she will one day become Firepaw's mate.
The chapter ends with Firepaw going to sleep, but a few paragraphs before that, narration describes the apprentice's den.
Inside the sleeping area, the ground was lined with soft moss, and the pale moonlight turned everything a delicate shade of green.
That's right, folks. The moon just turned everything green.
Morals and Messages in This Chapter:
#2 gentle greetings are bad
{x} Moonlight can change an object's color.
Chapter 5
Alternative Title: Patience, Young Grasshopper
Firepaw and Graypaw are late for training.
"In future, I expect you both to be punctual," growled Tigerclaw.
"Don't be too severe, Tigerclaw; it was a busy night las night. I expect they were tired," meowed Lionheart gently.
Too severe? Expecting them to be on time isn't severe. He didn't even say anything about punishing them. Lionheart must be the sort of person who excuses everyone's behavior and would raise bratty children.
The two warriors then take them on a tour.
"Why can't the Clans work together and share their hunting grounds, instead of fighting each other?" Firepaw suggested boldly.
Wait a minute. Firepaw is the violence lover. Why would he make a suggestion that would decrease or eliminate fighting? Ten imagines that the Erins put this in as a way to make Firepaw look smart, original, peaceful, and ahead of his time. However, by now it has been established that any behavior of that sort is out of character.
To answer his question: carrying capacity. The territories can't always support all of the Clans. Even if everyone were unified, they'd still have to compete for resources, so they might as well have allies and form separate Clans. But then, that might be over Firepaw's head.
Tigerclaw was the first to reply. "That is treacherous thinking, kittypet," he snapped.
"Don't be too fierce, Tigerclaw," warned Lionheart. "The ways of the Clans are new to this apprentice." He looked at Firepaw. "You speak from your heart, young Firepaw. This will make you a stronger warrior one day."
Lionheart sounds like dojo master crossed with soccer mom.
What is speaking from one's "heart"? Is there somewhere else one can speak from? How will it make Firepaw a stronger warrior?
While explaining the Gatherings, Lionheart says that "longer alliances bring more trouble than they're worth." [p. 61] Why's that?
The tour ends, they return to camp, and the next morning they're on time for their lessons.
"Well, it's obvious you've known nothing but softness!" growled Tigerclaw. "You stalk like a lumbering kittypet! Do you think dinner is going to come and lie down in you food dish and wait to be eaten?"
Firepaw sat up quickly as Tigerclaw spoke, a little taken aback by his harsh words. He listened carefully to the warrior, determined to get everything right.
"His pace and forward movement will come later, but his crouch is perfectly balanced," Lionheart pointed out mildly.
Tigerclaw doesn't seem to have any particular reason for being rude besides not liking Firepaw, which of course makes him the bad guy, and of course, everything he says is wrong and Firepaw's crouch is perfect.
Firepaw succeeds in killing a mouse after one (1) lesson and no failing attempts in between. Ten's thinking hunting shouldn't be that easy.
I've written more, but it's a chore to copy and paste them here. Let me know if you want me to post the next chapters.
