Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
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Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Jul 6, 2009 9:45:05 GMT -5
Role player| brain Name| Rockpelt Gender| tom Physical description| He has yellow eyes and gray fur that blends in easily with the rocks. He also has the powerfully built body of a strong warrior. Views| He intends to unite the cats into a clan. He wants to be deputy, but is not ready to be leader (yet). He is a little ambitious but not overly. He believes that he is one of the few cats smart and strong enough to unite the cats into a clan or clans. He also believes he could prevent most murders if he were in charge. Kin| He has no living kin. He has no siblings. History| He was mentored by his father and never held territory. His mother died of thirst and his father caught a disease. He earned his name because a passing elder mistook him for a rock.
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Post by Ten on Jul 6, 2009 11:11:00 GMT -5
"Gender: male" -- Why don't you say tom?
"gray fur that blends in easily with the rocks and yellow eyes" -- This makes it sound like his gray fur blends in with eyes.
Did you read the note about complete sentences?
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Jul 6, 2009 12:14:27 GMT -5
I meant tom.
He has yellow eyes and gray fur that blends in with the rocks.
I must have missed the note.
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Post by Ten on Jul 6, 2009 12:16:11 GMT -5
It's at the top of the character form. You know you can modify your posts, right?
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
|
Post by Brain on Jul 7, 2009 17:54:47 GMT -5
Okay, I modified the post.
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Post by Ten on Jul 7, 2009 18:09:47 GMT -5
"He intends to unite the cats into a clan." -- Why?
"He is the silent type." -- How is this a view?
"His mother died of thirst and his father caught a disease." -- These are things to put in the History.
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
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Post by Brain on Jul 7, 2009 19:16:38 GMT -5
"He intends to unite the cats into a clan." --- He thinks that cats will be able to kill each other and get away with it otherwise.
"He is the silent type." --- deleting that...
"His mother died of thirst and his father caught a disease." --- moved it to history.
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Post by Ten on Jul 7, 2009 21:35:45 GMT -5
"He thinks that cats will be able to kill each other and get away with it otherwise." -- Why does he care? Does he want a leader? Why? Does he want a high rank in the Clan?
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Brain
Apprentice
[M:125]
Not to scale.%\0\%
Posts: 345
|
Post by Brain on Jul 8, 2009 9:04:59 GMT -5
"He thinks that cats will be able to kill each other and get away with it otherwise." --- deleted.
Does he want a leader? Why? Does he want a high rank in the Clan? --- He hopes to be deputy and maybe someday leader.
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Post by Ten on Jul 8, 2009 12:33:20 GMT -5
"deleted." -- So does he care if cats get murdered, or no?
"He hopes to be deputy and maybe someday leader." -- Why?
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