Rockkit

[rockpaw]

Role player| Call me either Comet or Fuzzy.
_____

Name| Rockkit

Gender| Tom

Physical Description| Rockkit is an apprentice-sized mud brown tabby tom with clouded green eyes, the young cat has cateracts and is completely blind. His fur seems to be more of a stone-like brown because of how much sand he gets stuck in it, and the tom's limbs are large and his paws are prominent, making him look lopsided.

Views| Despite his young age, Rockkit has many paranoias about power. He thinks that leaders would only lead them to turmoil, and that Clan life would be too much of a burden for the cats to carry on their shoulders.

Kin| Snakestripe and Beetleleg had 3 kits-Sandkit, Stonekit, and Rockkit.

History| Although Snakestripe and Beetleleg believe in Clan life, after Sandkit and Stonekit got into skirmishes over power to the point of leaving scars on the other in the imaginary Clan that they had, which made Rockkit hate the idea. Rockkit, despite towering over his siblings, didn't want power because of this, but he hated being told what to do.

Picture| I can't find one that'll work with my stupid computer. It has the compentency of a beheaded chicken. -_-

[Darky [Megan]]

Hi, Comet. =D Here's a few things you ought to edit:

"... clouded green eyes, the young cat has ..." You should change that comma in a semi-colon instead.

"apprentice-sized" Perhaps it would be better if you described his size yourself instead of comparing him to apprentices and warriors and yadda yadda. Apprentices come in many shapes and sizes, you know.

"History| ..."
Numerous grammar errors in this paragraph. You might want to explain a bit more about this 'imaginary clan'. Also, are the rest of his kin all alive? If so, who are they being played by? The maximum amount of cats you can have is five, unless you purchase more slots with your LTs.

[Ten]

"Role player| Call me either Comet or Fuzzy."
--
This isn't relevant to your application, but why don't you make Comet or Fuzzy your display name?


"mud brown" <-- hyphenate

"clouded green eyes," <-- comma splice (there are several ways to fix this, a semicolon being just one)


"the tom's limbs are large and his paws are prominent, making him look lopsided."
--
What do you mean?
His lower half is larger than his upper half?


"Rockkit has many paranoias"
--
I'm not sure paranoia should be pluralized like that.
Perhaps, "Rockkit has much paranoia"?


"He thinks that leaders would only lead them to turmoil,"
--
How would they do that?


"and that Clan life would be too much of a burden for the cats to carry on their shoulders."
--
What do you mean?


"Although Snakestripe and Beetleleg believe in Clan life, after Sandkit and Stonekit got into skirmishes over power to the point of leaving scars on the other in the imaginary Clan that they had, which made Rockkit hate the idea."
--
This sentence doesn't have a subject noun. It's just a bunch of dependant clauses.
You can't have a dependant clause without an independant clause.


"he hated being told what to do."
--
Why?