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Post by Ten on Mar 5, 2009 20:04:11 GMT -5
Don't put "this is the modified version and this is the info blah blah" in the bio itself. Put that in your post afterward.
"Her eyes area" < are a?
"In dogs and cats,
skin, wound or joint infections, pneumonia,
or mastitis may bee seen."
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So it doesn't say it makes cats blind?
"learning what she could from listening to the other cats"
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From what I've heard, cats can only learn to hunt by being taught.
"Thus, she is considered insane by the other cats."
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Not just by other cats. She is insane. Can you remember that when you're role playing her?
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Post by shadowsong on Mar 5, 2009 23:52:20 GMT -5
I modified it.  Don't put "this is the modified version and this is the info blah blah" in the bio itself. Put that in your post afterward. xx I took it out. Thanks "Her eyes area" < are a? xx Deleted the 'a' it was gramatically incorrect. "In dogs and cats, skin, wound or joint infections, pneumonia, or mastitis may bee seen." -- So it doesn't say it makes cats blind? xx Nope, fixed that too. Nightkit's mom died of it, and Nightkit was born without optic disks, a conditon I've read about in the case of another blind cat. "learning what she could from listening to the other cats" -- From what I've heard, cats can only learn to hunt by being taught. xx I made her a scavenger. I figured that would be more appropriate. "Thus, she is considered insane by the other cats." -- Not just by other cats. She is insane. Can you remember that when you're role playing her? xx I can. If she's always talking about escape, and trying to convince others to join, would that qualify? Shadowsong |
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Post by Ten on Mar 6, 2009 17:54:01 GMT -5
If you're going to use the quote button, don't put your reply inside the quote.
"sense of hearing, to" < no comma
"Because of her blindness, and her reliance on her other senses, they are sharper than other cats',"
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This sentence could be clarified
"but not so sharp that they constitute an extraordinary phenomenon."
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Duh. The people here know I wouldn't allow that.
"learning what she could from listening to the other cats"
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What is it she is learning here?
"Because of her father's treatment, she responded to his neglect"
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This is redundant.
"Nightkit grew up largely by herself"
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But her father taught her how to hunt and she shared her prey with her sisters?
"all of which ended in disaster"
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How so?
"Her sisters, also, began to wonder about her sanity. "
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Isn't it obvious?
I would think it more preferable for her to be sane; otherwise cats can discredit everything she says in debates because she's crazy.
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Gosh
Young Warrior
noisy cricket {1}[M:160]
Friends, as they say, may come and go, but high-powered laser weapons are forever.%\1\%
Posts: 791
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Post by Gosh on Mar 8, 2009 16:34:08 GMT -5
"Isn't it obvious?
I would think it more preferable for her to be sane; otherwise cats can discredit everything she says in debates because she's crazy. "
Yes, perhaps your first cat should be sane? ;3
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Post by shadowsong on Mar 9, 2009 11:57:30 GMT -5
I agree and I'll go back and edit my bio later this evening. I've been super busy with classes and all but spring break is next week (YAY!) and I should have more time then. Shadowsong |
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Post by shadowsong on Mar 24, 2009 23:28:00 GMT -5
I'm sorry for the long delay. I've got several papers to write, as well as book reviews. However I promise I'll do better about checking/updatiing. I updated my profile, taking out some of the unecessary information.
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Post by Ten on Mar 26, 2009 17:57:56 GMT -5
"sense of hearing, to navigate" <-- why is there a comma there?
"She enjoys her independence, and she believes that a clan would decrease her ability to make her own decisions."
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Can you elaborate more on this? Why does she enjoy independence?
"of the littler;" <-- litter?
"critical of Nightkit, and felt" <-- why is there a comma there?
"and felt embarrassed by her blindness and habit of speaking her mind without any sense of tact."
"She responded to his neglect by becoming opinionated and sarcastic,"
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So was she rude in the first place, or did she become rude because of him?
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Post by shadowsong on Mar 26, 2009 23:54:45 GMT -5
There is a comma after 'sense of hearing' because there is commas after sense of smell and whiskers. When you have a list of three or more things, you either put commas after all of them or none of them, at least that is what I was told by my professor in my research methods class. I might have missunderstood but I believe that's what he said. The comma after Nightkid needs to go and I'll take it out. Yes littler is supposed to be litter. I didn't catch that and I'll fix it. And yes i can certainly elaborate and clarify.
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