Preciousmew

[rafiki]

Role player| I would like to be called Rafi but Rafiki is fine. ^^
_____

Name|Preciousmew."

Gender| She-Cat.

Physical Description| She is a small but agile cat with orange tabby saddle. Her muzzle is white but on her cheeks is tabby that follows up to her fore head and onto her ears There is a small break between the saddle and her head which is white. There is one spot on her left fore leg, on the back of her knee is a small tabby spot. Her eyes are green with small flecks of blue. She is partially blind.

Views| She would like to make a clan. She thinks it would be alright, just choose the leader carfully. Not someone who is gready to power but easy, finding a nice and quick solution.

Kin| Her parents were loners named Dovefur and Tigerpelt. She knew Tiger has passed when her mother stopped talking about him and would not answer our questions about him. She turnned her head and looked away from the kits, looking off into the distance.

History| Born to a loner couple, in a litter of three was fun for her. Being a brother to tackle. Two Toms and a She-kit. She loved Her family and did not care too much on where they lived until her brothers openned their eyes. She tried to open hers to but all the she-kit saw was black. Everyday the kitten asked her mom if her eyes were open and all she said was yes. They are green. Then, the kit would smile and run off to play but always trip over one of the kits. Slowly, she learned to use the sense of smell and hearing rather then sight to navagate.

Picture| None.

[Ten]

Welcome to Starless, Rafi. I'm afraid you'll have to change the POV, as it needs to be in third person all the way through.


"The Rules Confused Me with the Names and All so I Hope this Name Works."
--
Maybe I can help explain it to you then? :3 For the prefix, you need to start with something that describes what your character looks like. A color, a size, or a noun that describes appearance (like "night" for a black cat).


"but this does not stop her from trying to prove to her clan mates that she can win a battle by the means of the Warrior Code."
--
Did you read the plot? If so, I'll clarify if you misunderstood: there isn't a Clan right now.


"My mother was a loner and my dad was a Kittypet."
--
There are no humans in this setting, either.


"Two cats, standing in horror in the presence of the dead."
--
I'm sorry; I don't understand. What?


"I had fun with them until it was time for our eyes to open and are names to be called."
--
Why would their parents wait that long to name them?


"My mom, a Pearl white cat with black and cream spots splocthed around her here and there."
--
A calico?


"My mothers where almost a yellow color which made me feel small in her gaze but her smile told me I was strong."
--
What do you mean?


"I became blind the first day of sight, tripping a lot and soon getting stratched in the eyes but sticks and my brothers flailing paws, claw unsheathed."
--
How did sticks get in her eyes?
The bit about flailing paws isn't plausible, if you consider how the kittens' joints work.


You have a few typos here and there -- I'd suggest running it through spell check; easily fixed.

[rafiki]

Welcome to Starless, Rafi. I'm afraid you'll have to change the POV, as it needs to be in third person all the way through.
------------------------------------
Thank you, glad to be here.

"The Rules Confused Me with the Names and All so I Hope this Name Works."
--
Maybe I can help explain it to you then? :3 For the prefix, you need to start with something that describes what your character looks like. A color, a size, or a noun that describes appearance (like "night" for a black cat).
-----------------------------------------------
I read them through but I do understand what you are saying here. I was confused because I am getting the name from a real cat that I foster. They call her Precious and she has a very weak mew so I thought it fit well.


"but this does not stop her from trying to prove to her clan mates that she can win a battle by the means of the Warrior Code."
--
Did you read the plot? If so, I'll clarify if you misunderstood: there isn't a Clan right now.
-------------------
No but I will after I post this and ask questions if I am confused with it. :3

"My mother was a loner and my dad was a Kittypet."
--
There are no humans in this setting, either.
----------------------
So would it be alright if they were both loners?


"Two cats, standing in horror in the presence of the dead."
--
I'm sorry; I don't understand. What?
----------------------
At the time I did not think of the right kind of way for him to die. Dovefur and Preciousmew walked into the house and seen Tiger laying there. I wanted it to be a little like a cliff hanger but it did not seem to fit well enough.


"I had fun with them until it was time for our eyes to open and are names to be called."
--
Why would their parents wait that long to name them?
--------
I was thinking along the lines of them naming them for the eye color and that came to me so I used it.

"My mom, a Pearl white cat with black and cream spots splocthed around her here and there."
--
A calico?
---------
Yes, I will change that after I read the plot.

"My mothers where almost a yellow color which made me feel small in her gaze but her smile told me I was strong."
--
What do you mean?
--------------
Dovefur's gaze was intense but her smile gave Preciousmew warm, or a better feeling. Reasurence?

"I became blind the first day of sight, tripping a lot and soon getting stratched in the eyes but sticks and my brothers flailing paws, claw unsheathed."
--
How did sticks get in her eyes?
The bit about flailing paws isn't plausible, if you consider how the kittens' joints work.
------------
I am not sure how to reply to this. I am understanding what you are asking but I did not want it the same was as Jayfeather, a warrior cat from the books, because I have a strong hate towards him. I was not sure about another way to consider this. The real cat, Precious, is partialy blind and I wanted it to be the same since she is on my mind a lot.

You have a few typos here and there -- I'd suggest running it through spell check; easily fixed.
--------------
Got it. ^^

[Ten]

"They call her Precious and she has a very weak mew so I thought it fit well."
--
Not in this naming style.


"I was thinking along the lines of them naming them for the eye color"
--
Then what were they called for the weeks until that was revealed?


"Dovefur's gaze was intense but her smile gave Preciousmew warm, or a better feeling. Reasurence?"
--
Alright.


"I was not sure about another way to consider this. The real cat, Precious, is partialy blind and I wanted it to be the same since she is on my mind a lot."
--
How was she blinded?

[rafiki]

"They call her Precious and she has a very weak mew so I thought it fit well."
--
Not in this naming style.
------------------------
Tabbysplash?

"I was thinking along the lines of them naming them for the eye color"
--
Then what were they called for the weeks until that was revealed?
--------------
Kit1, Kit2, Kit3?

"Dovefur's gaze was intense but her smile gave Preciousmew warm, or a better feeling. Reasurence?"
--
Alright.
------------------
Ok.

"I was not sure about another way to consider this. The real cat, Precious, is partialy blind and I wanted it to be the same since she is on my mind a lot."
--
How was she blinded?

-------------
Birth but I did not want to make it simple for my cat.

[Ten]

"Tabbysplash?"
--
Tabby is a bit... vague, since there are several types of tabbies and they come in many colors. Where does the splash come in?


"Kit1, Kit2, Kit3?"
--
Seriously?


"Birth but I did not want to make it simple for my cat."
--
Well, okay, but you can't have the reason for her blindness both be the same as Precious and not be the same as Precious. How was your character blinded?

[rafiki]

"Tabbysplash?"
--
Tabby is a bit... vague, since there are several types of tabbies and they come in many colors. Where does the splash come in?
------------
Her tabby patches?

"Kit1, Kit2, Kit3?"
--
Seriously?
------------
No. I will change it.


"Birth but I did not want to make it simple for my cat."
--
Well, okay, but you can't have the reason for her blindness both be the same as Precious and not be the same as Precious. How was your character blinded?
---------------------------------------
I will just change it to birth.

[Ten]

"Her tabby patches?"
--
Those are stripes, not the upheaval of liquid.



"She thinks it would be alright, just choose the leader carfully. Not someone who is gready to power but easy, finding a nice and quick solution."
--
Can you clarify?


"Her parents were loners named Dovefur and Tigerpelt."
--
They can't have been too solitary, seeing as they came together, and you imply they intended to stay together (or maybe it's just what her mother expected).

How would they know about tigers or doves?


"She knew Tiger has passed when her mother stopped talking about him and would not answer our questions about him. She turnned her head and looked away from the kits, looking off into the distance."
--
That's rather perceptive for a kit.
Anyway, narratives belong in the history.


"Born to a loner couple, in a litter of three was fun for her."
--
I don't understand. Being born was fun for her?


"Being a brother to tackle."
--
I thought this character was female.


"Two Toms and a She-kit. She loved Her family and did not care too much on where they lived until her brothers openned their eyes."
--
Before she opened her eyes, she wouldn't be old enough to think much in the first place.


"Slowly, she learned to use the sense of smell and hearing rather then sight to navagate."
--
Feeling with her whiskers would help, too.