Foxheart;;

[THE Sorreh]

Role player| Sorreh
_____

Name| Foxheart { Formerly Foxpaw;;Foxkit }

Gender| Tom

Physical Description| Foxheart is a dark orange tom with stripes to cover various parts of his body. His underbelly is colored with white fur, as well as his paw and tail tips. His body structure, unlike my dead brother, is very lean and not so built. He has long legs that are striped with even darker orange, almost resembling more of a black-ginger in color. His face is a bit pointed and the features include a pink nose and a mouth. Upon part of his face are white whiskers that poke out from his maw. On the top most features of his face are two eyes that are more of a marshy green color, specked at the slightest with a yellow-green towards the mid section, and more specked with a black-green near the pupils.

Views| He is the type who wants to be leader someday. He'd do anything to keep everything in order; fight tooth and claw to protect everyone from any sense of harm. He believes that loyalty is important, and dedication to his responsibility holds importance as well.

Kin|

Mother;; Dappledpelt - deceased
Father;; Smalltail - missing
Brother;; Graypaw - deceased ( died of a nasty snake bite )
Sister;; Tawnykit - deceased ( stillborn, but still named )


History| 21 moons ago, a beautiful tortoiseshell she-cat gave birth to a litter of three. There was Tawnykit first, which was dead at birth. She was almost like a mini Dappledpelt. Last, there was a light cream and gray tabby tom, who his mother named Graykit, which was the biggest of the three. Well, then, who was in the middle? Oh, that's Foxkit. He's a dark ginger tom, and was the smallest of the litter. His mother, Dappledpelt and my father, Smalltail, were so proud of their two that survived, but felt much grief for their stillborn daughter.

On his sixth moon, it was time for Foxkit and Graykit to become apprentices. It wasn't until about three moons after this that Crowpaw became a bit too adventurous and ran into a snake, which bit him on the left back leg. No cat was able to heal him in time, and he ended up dying. He felt much sorrow by his death, since they were both so close. At this point, however, his mother was very elderly and that dark season, she wasn't able to make it and passed on to death. A few days later, Smalltail fell silent, and barely spoke a word to any cat. If anyone tried to push a conversation, he would snap at them and walk away. Eventually, all of the cats decided to ignore him. No matter the twist in his life, Foxheart still pushed himself and tried his best, eventually giving him his warrior name as Foxheart.

Picture| (( Shown above ))


Extra Notes;; I tend to type in small font, so don't mind me. Picture above is (c) to my friend, Silv ( Paulina ) and she has made it for my use, so no stealy.

[Ten]

"Formally Foxpaw;;Foxkit"
--
Formerly?



"I don't roleplay in 1st person, but it feels nice to make bios in that point of view!"
--
That's fine for your own personal notes, and you can put some first person POV character sections in your notebook, but for this bio, please use third person and be objective.


"I am a dark orange tom with flecks and stripes."
--
A spotted tabby?


"My underbelly consists of white fur, as well as my paw and tail tips."
--
I know you mean that he has white markings, but saying that his paws consist of white fur... implies his paws consist of white fur, if you know what I mean.


"I have long legs that are flecked with even darker orange, almost resembling more of a black-ginger in color."
--
Like a tortoiseshell?


"My face is a bit pointed," <-- comma splice


"the features include a pink nose and a mouth that consists of white whiskers that poke out from them."
--
Same problem again.
A mouth is not made of whiskers.


"On the top most features of my face consist of two eyes that are more of a marshy green color,"
--
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. /moviequote
Forgive me; it was so perfect.


"I'd do anything to keep my clan together"
--
The conditional tense of this sentence makes me unsure about something -- it could be entirely fine as it is, but I can't tell if you mean he'd do anything if the need arose, or if he'd do anything if he had a Clan.


Foxheart
Cherrylight
Ravenclaw
Crowpaw
Honeykit
--
Did you read the name rules? Just checking before I proceed with this. hmmm. Honey as a prefix. You know, I think that could work. It's not implausible for bees to have gotten inside the enclosure and built a hive.


"21 moons ago, a beautiful light ginger she-cat gave birth to a litter of three. There was Honeykit first, which" <-- who
--
In this instance, write twenty-one out as a word. Normally it's not something I would ask you to change, but it's the beginning of a sentence here.


"She was a cream and white patched she-cat, but she never had her eyes opened," <-- comma splice


"Last, there was a light cream and gray tabby tom,"
--
Cream meaning white, or cream meaning orange-y peach?



"therefore, we never knew her eye color."
"My mother, Cherrylight and my father, Ravenclaw, were so proud of their two that survived, but grieved their loss of their only daughter."
--
This may seem like a trivial thing, but I'd like to discuss the characterization we get with these phrases. His mother and father grieved their loss. From the way Foxheart talks about it, he doesn't sound upset at all -- which is understandable, since he never knew her and had no attachment, whereas his parents had an attachment by default by being parents. However, the way he makes an offhand comment about Honeykit being stillborn and then focuses on not getting to know her eye color... makes him sound insensitive about the death.

With himself and both his siblings, he has a pattern going, retelling their fur colors and eye colors, as if he has a fixation on these things, or as if he just likes picking out details this way (the way he talks about them is not the way I would describe people I know in real life, or if I did start with appearance, I wouldn't begin with or leave it at hair color and eye color). On one hand, I understand that this is a habit that writers get into: describing characters by hair/fur color and eye color. On the other hand, in this context, it makes him sound detached, systematic, and methodical, which is perfect if that's what you were going for.


"At my sixth moon, it was time for my brother an I" <-- and me


"It wasn't until about three moons after this that Crowpaw became a bit too adventurous and ran into a snake, which had bitten him on the left back leg." <-- which bit him on the left back leg, unless you're saying the snake had already met him before.


"The medicine cat wasn't able to heal him in time,"
--
What medicine cat?


"I was driven by grief by his death, since we were both so close."
--
Do you mean that he was driven to grief, implying he wouldn't normally experience much emotion? Or do you mean that grief became his new primary drive in life? Or do you just mean that he grieved?


"At this point, however, my mother was very elderly and that leaf-bare,"
--
There aren't any leaves here. The terms they have are the light season and dark season.


"A few days later, my father went missing."
--
What do you mean?
That is, where could he have gone? The enclosure is only so big.


"We spent moons searching for him, but we had no luck. Our clan gave up hope and assumed him dead."
--
There isn't a Clan right now. It hasn't reformed yet. You read the plot, right? You probably did, but I know it's something that can slip one's mind, warriors role players being so accustomed to there being established Clans.

[THE Sorreh]

"Formally Foxpaw;;Foxkit"
--
Formerly?
-
Ah, misspelled word. ^_^;; Sorry about that.



"I don't roleplay in 1st person, but it feels nice to make bios in that point of view!"
--
That's fine for your own personal notes, and you can put some first person POV character sections in your notebook, but for this bio, please use third person and be objective.
-
Okay, that's no problem at all. I'll get that finished and changed.


"I am a dark orange tom with flecks and stripes."
--
A spotted tabby?
-
I guess I used that wrong, I'm just in the habit of using as many words as possible, event though it doesn't make sense most of the time.


"My underbelly consists of white fur, as well as my paw and tail tips."
--
I know you mean that he has white markings, but saying that his paws consist of white fur... implies his paws consist of white fur, if you know what I mean.
-
So, you mean I'd be better off saying something like "His paws, tail, and underbelly are white in color" ?


"I have long legs that are flecked with even darker orange, almost resembling more of a black-ginger in color."
--
Like a tortoiseshell?
-
No, no, not like a tortoiseshell. It's just a bit more darker than the rest of his coloring.


"My face is a bit pointed," <-- comma splice
-
Ew, my bad. My apologies on that one.


"the features include a pink nose and a mouth that consists of white whiskers that poke out from them."
--
Same problem again.
A mouth is not made of whiskers.
-
I know what I'm trying to say, I just can't really figure out how to word it. I know that you don't look inside a cat's mouth and see little whiskers. That would be a bit strange, don't you think?


"On the top most features of my face consist of two eyes that are more of a marshy green color,"
--
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. /moviequote
Forgive me; it was so perfect.
-
I tend to reuse words a lot. I'm sorry.


"I'd do anything to keep my clan together"
--
The conditional tense of this sentence makes me unsure about something -- it could be entirely fine as it is, but I can't tell if you mean he'd do anything if the need arose, or if he'd do anything if he had a Clan.
-
Meaning as in if there were any issues, he'd go out of his way to fix them.


Foxheart
Cherrylight
Ravenclaw
Crowpaw
Honeykit
--
Did you read the name rules? Just checking before I proceed with this. hmmm. Honey as a prefix. You know, I think that could work. It's not implausible for bees to have gotten inside the enclosure and built a hive.
-
I'm sorry, I'm guilty on this one. No, I didn't read the name rules while making this, but I looked over it and got it all fixed.


"21 moons ago, a beautiful light ginger she-cat gave birth to a litter of three. There was Honeykit first, which" <-- who
--
In this instance, write twenty-one out as a word. Normally it's not something I would ask you to change, but it's the beginning of a sentence here.
-
Of course, I'll get that done. For the "which and who" type of thing, I should know that. Just a little misusage right there.


"She was a cream and white patched she-cat, but she never had her eyes opened," <-- comma splice


"Last, there was a light cream and gray tabby tom,"
--
Cream meaning white, or cream meaning orange-y peach?
-
I didn't think cream meant white. But no, a very light peachy color that almost is white.



"therefore, we never knew her eye color."
"My mother, Cherrylight and my father, Ravenclaw, were so proud of their two that survived, but grieved their loss of their only daughter."
--
This may seem like a trivial thing, but I'd like to discuss the characterization we get with these phrases. His mother and father grieved their loss. From the way Foxheart talks about it, he doesn't sound upset at all -- which is understandable, since he never knew her and had no attachment, whereas his parents had an attachment by default by being parents. However, the way he makes an offhand comment about Honeykit being stillborn and then focuses on not getting to know her eye color... makes him sound insensitive about the death.
-
Just me putting in things in the wrong place and at the wrong time. I just took all of the eye color thing in general.

With himself and both his siblings, he has a pattern going, retelling their fur colors and eye colors, as if he has a fixation on these things, or as if he just likes picking out details this way (the way he talks about them is not the way I would describe people I know in real life, or if I did start with appearance, I wouldn't begin with or leave it at hair color and eye color). On one hand, I understand that this is a habit that writers get into: describing characters by hair/fur color and eye color. On the other hand, in this context, it makes him sound detached, systematic, and methodical, which is perfect if that's what you were going for.
-
Just a habit I have { I know, I know, I probably have over a million habits }. I'll take it out, if you'd like, though.


"At my sixth moon, it was time for my brother an I" <-- and me
-
And me. Shame.


"It wasn't until about three moons after this that Crowpaw became a bit too adventurous and ran into a snake, which had bitten him on the left back leg." <-- which bit him on the left back leg, unless you're saying the snake had already met him before.
-
No, just misusage. Sorry.


"The medicine cat wasn't able to heal him in time,"
--
What medicine cat?
-
Well, I don't know. Are you saying there is no medicine cat or do I need to know the name of the medicine cat?


"I was driven by grief by his death, since we were both so close."
--
Do you mean that he was driven to grief, implying he wouldn't normally experience much emotion? Or do you mean that grief became his new primary drive in life? Or do you just mean that he grieved?
-
That he just grieved.


"At this point, however, my mother was very elderly and that leaf-bare,"
--
There aren't any leaves here. The terms they have are the light season and dark season.
-
Okay, I'll keep that in mind.


"A few days later, my father went missing."
--
What do you mean?
That is, where could he have gone? The enclosure is only so big.
-
I guess I'll change that as well--


"We spent moons searching for him, but we had no luck. Our clan gave up hope and assumed him dead."
--
There isn't a Clan right now. It hasn't reformed yet. You read the plot, right? You probably did, but I know it's something that can slip one's mind, warriors role players being so accustomed to there being established Clans.
-
So technically they're just a band of rouges?

[Ten]

"I guess I used that wrong, I'm just in the habit of using as many words as possible, event though it doesn't make sense most of the time."
--
Use whatever number of words you think you need. However, what I was asking was, is he a spotted tabby? That's a legitimate type of tabby, although it's one that you have to purchase. Ticked tabbies and mackerel tabbies are two other types, and they're free.


"So, you mean I'd be better off saying something like 'His paws, tail, and underbelly are white in color'?"
--
Yep, something like that.


"No, no, not like a tortoiseshell. It's just a bit more darker than the rest of his coloring."
--
hm. Do you have a picture of a cat with this trait?


"I know what I'm trying to say, I just can't really figure out how to word it. I know that you don't look inside a cat's mouth and see little whiskers. That would be a bit strange, don't you think?"
--
It would indeed. So what you're going for is... he has a lot of whiskers?


"I'm sorry, I'm guilty on this one. No, I didn't read the name rules while making this, but I looked over it and got it all fixed."
--
What about Foxheart?
They would need to have seen foxes before in order for this name to come about.


"For the 'which and who' type of thing, I should know that. Just a little misusage right there."
--
Yeah, I could tell you knew, since you used "who" for his brother -- then again, you could also phrase it that way to indicate that he did not think of Tawnykit as a real person.


"I didn't think cream meant white."
--
Some folks use it as a substitute for white; some folks use it as its own peachy color. I always have to check with each person.


"But no, a very light peachy color that almost is white."
--
So he's a diluted tortie?


"I'll take it out, if you'd like, though."
--
No need, unless his personality is the opposite. It all depends on how you want to portray him. Since his suffix is heart, I'd think he'd be very caring and emotional and vivacious, and as such might praise his sibling's finer qualities or present them in a sentimental light rather than list stock attributes.


"Well, I don't know. Are you saying there is no medicine cat or do I need to know the name of the medicine cat?"
--
There is not a medicine cat. Herbs cannot grow in this setting, and StarClan is forgotten.


"That he just grieved."
--
Okay. Some rephrasing might be in order.


"So technically they're just a band of rouges?"
--
Don't get too hung up on Erin Hunter terminology. We are borrowing from their idea, but this is a whole different world. Some cats might have roguish behavior; some might not. Some cats are solitary loners, while others are more sociable. It's not implausible for these cats to bond and make friends or allies, which is not something traditional rogues would do, but the idea is that they are not bound to the formal organization of a Clan.

The reason they are not, technically, a bunch of rogues: rogues are selfish, untrustworthy individuals who reject the idea of a Clan -- which does not apply to all the cats here, since some of them are trying to get the Clan to reform, and also because not all of them are as dastardly and mean (not even all the cons are like that, though some are).