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Post by sephri on Feb 5, 2011 18:17:41 GMT -5
Role player| Sephri, Seph, Sephalump, etc.
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Name| Eveningstorm
Gender| she-cat
Physical Description| Eveningstorm is a dark, tortoiseshell-patterned cat. Her pelt is a mixture of dark brown, dark gray and black that swirls over her entire body. The only light mark on her is a tiny cream tick on her lower abdomen. Some of her more distinctive marks are a large triangle-shaped blotch on her right shoulder, a gray patch that covers her right ear, and her left front paw is a solid black.
Her eyes are quite the opposite of her pelt. They are bright and round and sharp-looking, seemingly fixed in a permanent glare. Colored a beautiful bright golden yellow, they seem to glow with an unearthly luminosity.
Views| Eveningstorm knows that the cats cannot survive as they have for so long, not forever. She believes that change is necessary if the next generations are to have any chance at making a life, a bearable, enjoyable life for themselves. Eveningstorm believes there is a world outside the walls, and that it is abundant in prey, sunlight, and wonders she can only imagine. She is not crazy enough to believe she can escape, but she knows that the beetles and rats they have lived on will not be there forever.
She is very opinionated as to how to bring about this revolution. Obviously letting only two cats hold all the power is a stupid idea, so Eveningstorm thinks perhaps an elite council of smart, strategic cats could bring about order and change. With herself as the head of this council, of course. So, I suppose you could call her a boss, yet a con at the same time. A con only because she does not want order if she is not the one orchestrating it.
Kin|
Darkpaw- sister, deceased
Shadowfoot- mother, deceased/up for adoption
Dustfur- Eveningstorm's mentor, deceased/UFA
History| Eveningstorm never knew her father, because her mother never told anyone who it was. Some of the other cats that Eveningstorm talked to said she never meant to have kits and that they were conceived against her will. Eveningstorm would rather believe this than to think he abandoned her mother.
Eveningstorm was taught how to fight, hunt, and the last remnants of the warrior code by her uncle, Dustfur. Shadowfoot thought it would be best to let two cats teach them so they could learn more. He was a gentle tom who had stayed by his sister's side through her unplanned pregnancy and the death of Darkpaw later in life.
Darkpaw was killed in a scuffle with an older warrior. She was a fiery-tempered hothead who hated not getting her way. So, when some cat thought to take away the biggest piece of prey she'd caught in her life, well, she just couldn't take it and attacked. He killed her quickly and brutally, and Eveningstorm was heartbroken.
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Post by Cloud on Feb 6, 2011 11:16:30 GMT -5
Hiya! While I'm not as skilled as Ten, I can point out a few things to get you started, though this is a pretty good bio.
I'm not sure, but Evening- might not be acceptable, and her coloring might not be either. Just warning you in case you end up having to change them.
"Code of Honor"
This is very iffy. What exactly is this Code of Honor, and why was it taught to Eveningstorm? If you're referring to the warrior code, then yes, I think that's possible. But maybe not. Like I said, Ten knows more than I do.
Other than those, she looks mostly good.
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Post by sephri on Feb 6, 2011 14:38:06 GMT -5
I know lots of people have issues with Evening- but I thought better to try and have to change it. As for her coloring, well, there's not much I can change about it if I want to have the same character but I think I can try. Eh, I'll see what Ten thinks.
As for the Code of Honor, its basically the major points of the warrior code, like feed kits and elders first, don't attack your clanmates etc. But Darkpaw had issues with believing every cat in the enclosure was her clanmate, hence her death.
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Fixed code of honor
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Post by Ten on Feb 6, 2011 21:15:15 GMT -5
"Her pelt is a mixture of dark brown, dark gray and black that swirls over her entire body."
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Have you seen a tortie like this? Or do you mean a brown classic tabby?
"They are bright and round and sharp-looking."
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I'm assuming you don't mean her eyes are actually pointed. What do you mean by sharp?
"that it is abundant in prey, grass and sunlight"
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Grass? How does she know about plants?
"So, I suppose you could call her a boss, yet a con at the same time."
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A con?
She sounds more like a Clanner.
You can't be a boss and a con at the same time.
"Some said"
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Who said?
"Eveningstorm would rather believe this than to think he abandoned her mother."
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Really?
Maybe I'm misinterpreting this.
"Eveningstorm was taught how to fight, hunt, and the last remnants of the warrior code by her uncle, Dustfur. He was a gentle tom who had stayed by his sister's side through her unplanned pregnancy and the death of Darkpaw later in life. Shadowfoot thought it would be best to let two cats teach them so they could learn more.
Darkpaw was killed in a scuffle with an older warrior. She was a fiery-tmepered hothead who hated not getting her way. So, when some cat thought to take away the biggest piece of prey she'd caught in her life, well, she just couldn't take it and attacked. He killed her quickly and brutally, and Eveningstorm was heartbroken."
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I suggest reorganizing this paragraph. You mention Darkpaw's death, then talk about Shadowfoot's philosophy on mentoring, and then jump back to Darkpaw again. It was a little confusing.
Also, there's a spell check button when you're modifying your post.
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Post by sephri on Feb 6, 2011 21:58:04 GMT -5
All right I went through and edited some of it.
As for her pelt color, no I haven't seen an actual cat like this, but I have seen some drawings of cats like this. I guess I supposed they were real. :/ Any suggestions as to how I could change it?
About her father, she prefers to think of it like he was an idiot tomcat only seeking pleasure than as if he were a failure and a cheat who ran off after things got tricky.
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Post by Ten on Feb 7, 2011 17:48:34 GMT -5
...Mind answering all my questions? I want to have a conversation with you about the character, not just give you a list of things to change, and it's complicated to have to go back, reread, and hunt around for what's different. Not every question is an indication that you did something wrong, anyway. :3 "Any suggestions as to how I could change it?" -- Some color patterns that I know for sure would be realistic are a regular tortie, a calico, a ticked tabby, and a classic tabby (classics have a price, though). "About her father, she prefers to think of it like he was an idiot tomcat only seeking pleasure than as if he were a failure and a cheat who ran off after things got tricky." -- So she would rather that they were both irresponsible sluts than her father actually loving her mother and then deciding it wouldn't work out between them? huh. I'm curious to know how she was raised to think that way. Does she see apathy as better than failure? Is she the sort who would rather not try than risk losing? |
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Post by sephri on Feb 7, 2011 19:39:26 GMT -5
...Mind answering all my questions? I want to have a conversation with you about the character, not just give you a list of things to change, and it's complicated to have to go back, reread, and hunt around for what's different. Not every question is an indication that you did something wrong, anyway. :3 --- I'm sorry, I didn't know that's how I sounded. I guess I'm just not used to this ^-^ Some color patterns that I know for sure would be realistic are a regular tortie, a calico, a ticked tabby, and a classic tabby (classics have a price, though). --- Well, from the pictures you provided, I'd say she's more like a tortoiseshell with darker orange patches, or a dark brown ticked tabby with almost no white markings. I've attached a picture that I created of her if that clears anything up... So she would rather that they were both irresponsible sluts than her father actually loving her mother and then deciding it wouldn't work out between them? huh. I'm curious to know how she was raised to think that way. Does she see apathy as better than failure? Is she the sort who would rather not try than risk losing? --- That makes it sound a whole lot worse than it is, hehe. I guess what I meant was, she would prefer to think that her mom was forced into it against her will and the tom ran off before any sort of reprecussions could surface. Eveningstorm tends to have a warped, rather favoritistic view of her family, putting them on a pedestal if you will. She can't believe that her mother was a slut that got in with the wrong guy. She likes to think that instead of failing, you practice and prepare yourself until you know you're ready. So, she doesn't like surprises. She's the sort who'd rather know she won't fail than to try. Does that even make sense? ;-; Attachments:
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Post by Ten on Feb 7, 2011 19:56:15 GMT -5
"I guess I'm just not used to this"
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No one really is at first.
"Well, from the pictures you provided, I'd say she's more like a tortoiseshell with darker orange patches, or a dark brown ticked tabby with almost no white markings. I've attached a picture that I created of her if that clears anything up..."
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So which is it? The drawing doesn't look like any real cat that I've seen before. If something like that exists, let me know what it's called.
"I guess what I meant was, she would prefer to think that her mom was forced into it against her will and the tom ran off before any sort of reprecussions could surface."
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She would rather believe her mom was raped? o.o
"She can't believe that her mother was a slut that got in with the wrong guy."
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And the only alternative possibility is that she was raped?
It can't be that he was killed or something?
"She likes to think that instead of failing, you practice and prepare yourself until you know you're ready. So, she doesn't like surprises. She's the sort who'd rather know she won't fail than to try. Does that even make sense?"
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She doesn't like taking risks, you mean?
Sure, that makes sense.
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Post by sephri on Feb 7, 2011 20:31:07 GMT -5
So which is it? The drawing doesn't look like any real cat that I've seen before. If something like that exists, let me know what it's called.
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I don't think there is. -sigh- I guess the darker tabby would be more likely.
She would rather believe her mom was raped? o.o
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Um, well, when you put it that way...
Some of her highest values are loyalty and bravery. If her dad ran off, he would have disregarded both of those.
And the only alternative possibility is that she was raped?
It can't be that he was killed or something?
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Actually, I never thought of that. I guess I wanted her to have a sort of reason to not want to settle down and have kits. Hm, maybe I should think about that some more...
She doesn't like taking risks, you mean?
Sure, that makes sense.
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Exactly! Why couldn't I say that? lol
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Post by Ten on Feb 7, 2011 20:56:19 GMT -5
"I guess the darker tabby would be more likely."
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Alright. What kind? Ticked?
"If her dad ran off, he would have disregarded both of those."
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Is that worse than being a rapist?
"Actually, I never thought of that. I guess I wanted her to have a sort of reason to not want to settle down and have kits. Hm, maybe I should think about that some more..."
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Oh. hm.
Let me know what you come up with.
You don't need a tragic backstory for her not to be interested in having kits, though.
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