Speckledclaw

[Darky [Megan]]

Roleplayer| Darky
_____

Name| Speckledclaw

Gender| She-cat

Physical Description| Speckledclaw has dull yellowy-green eyes which used to be bright. Her dirty pelt of mud-brown tabby, covered with white spots of fur, coats a firmly muscled and smooth build. Speckledclaw has many scars about her person, accompanied by a shallow rat bite on her tail which ripped out a good amount of fur.

Speckledclaw moves with her head down and with an air of a menace about her. She has the look of a cat that's been through hell and back, and this makes her seem a lot older than she actually is. Her claws are frequently bared - she is keen to keep herself in shape and hunts for her friends and herself regularly. It isn't uncommon for her to encounter or spark up fights over food, as her violent, snappy and intimidating way of speaking easily agitates many cats.

Views| Speckledclaw believes that restoring the unity of a clan would do everyone good. To achieve this, she thinks the clan leader must be responsible and adept, and has to understand the importance of hunts and defense, both external and internal. However, she sees little chance of anyone within these walls becoming a leader, cynical after living for too long in a pessimistic environment full of worry and unfriendliness.

If there were a clan, she wouldn't seek the position of a leader - Speckledclaw would much rather take a backseat and be a pillar of support for her clanmates. She is aware of her aggressive nature and unfriendly air, and knows these attributes make it hard for cats to trust and approach her, but thinks that she doesn't need to rely on social ties as long as she can contribute to the clan effectively.

Kin| Boulderclaw (father, deceased) and Dappledwhisker (mother, deceased)

History| Speckledclaw’s mother died shortly after giving birth to her, but she was kept alive thanks to the milk of her mother’s sister, another queen. Her father took her fully under his wing the moment she was able to live on solid food, and immediately set to work on raising a skilled warrior who would eventually become an expert with her claws, hence the warrior name she was given, ‘Speckledclaw’.

It soon became clear that she shared many of her father’s traits, both good and bad. She showed a fierce loyalty towards those close to her and displayed an unwavering determination at a very young age. She inherited a lack of patience for weakness and treachery, along with a short temper. This meant a life of fights for both her and her father, and the two of them fought alongside in many battles, growing exeptionally close.

Cats and family friends often remarked that the two behaved very similarly and were inseparable, so it was no surprise that Speckledclaw grieved heavily when her father was finally killed in a flood, which many cats succumbed to. The suffocating atmosphere of the enclosure at the time contributed to a subsequent period of depression for Speckledclaw, and though she recovered, the vitality that had been present in her before had vanished. She doesn’t have a third of the energy she used to have, but it hasn't stopped her from enjoying the rush of adrenaline in a fight or hunt as much as any other good hunter.

Recently she got the chance to experience a heady brand of that adrenaline again, but not in a manner she would have preferred. Seized with anger at the sight of Grimykit mutilating his first feline kill, she reacted with claws and the intent to slay. Rainstripe, who has been present, convinced her to back off and Speckledclaw had to settle for leaving Grimykit with a useless right eye instead. Along with a dire warning.

Picture| None.

[Ten]

"Your Name| Darky (You may call me Sakyru)
_____
Name| Lightwhisker"

X3 That's ironic.

"Lightwhisker was named for the pure-white colour of her whiskers."
That's absurd. Why disregard fur color and go around inspecting kitten's whiskers?
Besides, lots of cats have white whiskers.

"Her dirty pelt of white, covered with brown spots,"
Brown fur color (tabby?) or sand/dust?

"they are being accompanied"
Why'd you add "being"?

"numerous rat bites"
One bite and she could live. Numerous bites? She'd be dead.

"her claws usually out"
I don't think cats can do that, can they? They have them out when they have an immediate need for them.

"results in fights being a common thing with her." Fights over what?

"she would not be fit" You mean fitting?

You should add breaks between paragraphs.

"Kin| Boulderclaw (father, deceased)"
She can't have just a father.

"Lightwhisker was born before the clan had been sealed off"
No she wasn't. That was decades ago.

"a good deal of wars and fights"
There haven't been any wars. Fights over what?

"Nadda." Is that meant to be Spanish? Nada has one d.

[Darky [Megan]]

Modifying...

Ironic how?
I'm sorry, it's 2am in the morning and I tend to make mistakes.
I believe their claws can be kept out if they want, as they usually leave their claws withdrawn when relaxed. Lightwhisker is usually on her guard and can be violent, so it would be suiting, in my opinion, for her claws to be left out. But I'll edit that out, since leaving their claws out can cause them to become blunt.
Hmm ... yes, the word 'fit' doesn't seem to fit in there at all.
" "Lightwhisker was born before the clan had been sealed off"
No she wasn't. That was decades ago." Well, this will be a bit hard to edit. Is the passage following this sentence acceptable in appliance to the life within the walls? Disregarding any mistakes you previously mentioned, of course.

[Ten]

"Ironic how?"
Your name is Darky and your cat's name was Lightwhisker.

"I tend to make mistakes."
Everyone does. I don't think less of you for it.

"I believe their claws can be kept out if they want"
Wouldn't that make them dull?

"I'll edit that out, since leaving their claws out can cause them to become blunt."
Oh. X3

"her father's unwavering heart of loyalty and determination."

What does the heart suffix have to do with loyalty and determination?

[Darky [Megan]]

Ah, now I see the irony. xD

Hmm ... I'll have to rephrase that.
How does '...her father's loyal and determined heart' sound?
I'm quite unsure of how to put it, but basically, she was named as such because she had a good heart, like her father. Loyalty and determination can be considered good, in my opinion.

[Ten]

"How does '...her father's loyal and determined heart' sound?"
What does that have to do with the heart suffix?

"Loyalty and determination can be considered good,"
They should be considered good because they are.

[Darky [Megan]]

I modified the sentence, is it acceptable now? o.o?

[Ten]

Did you mean to bold the views, too?

"and her good heart"
Expressed how?

"covered with mud-brown spots"
Tabby or solid?

"...a shallow rat bite on her tail. This has led to most of the hair near her tail-tip falling out."
Wouldn't it have not grown back, not fallen out?

"Her claws are constantly being withdrawn"
You mean drawn?

"Fights over food are common for her."
What causes those?

"Speckledwhisker (mother, deceased)"
She can't have the same prefix as her mother.

"Speckledheart was born at the cost of her mother's life."
Who did she drink from?

[Darky [Megan]]

Yes, yes I did.

Well, I've edited everything except for one.

"Who did she drink from?"
I'm afraid I don't understand. But I think I'll just rephrase the sentence.

[Ten]

"Yes, yes I did."
So do that.

"I'm afraid I don't understand."
If her mother died that soon, who did she get milk from?