Mottledtail

[The Hobbit]

x

[Ten]

oh crud. I'm sorry, Hobbit. I just ruined your post.
-headdesk-
Bad admin.

I'm so sorry about this.
I meant to click the quote button.
I hit modify by mistake, and before I realized this I had already written up a reply and saved the changes. >< I tried to go back and fix it, but the original was already gone. So I just wiped out my reply, too, since that wouldn't make any sense to have that there. I'm sure it's got to be irritating, having this happen. I feel really bad. And stupid.

So, the issues we were discussing:
What specific things does Mottledtail do using her tail for balance?
What provoked the young, hotheaded father to attack?
Why didn't the mother take any precautions for her kits' protection?

[The Hobbit]

I wondered what happened- ah, well, it’s an honest mistake.

What specific things does Mottledtail do using her tail for balance?
_________
Well, obviously, Mottledtail would use it in battle; to be agile, you have to be able to move quickly and nimbly. So balance would be a part of agility, and Mottledtail…well, -stream just seems fitting for a more feminine creature, and I obviously don’t expect you to know now that she isn’t too feminine, since you haven’t seen her RPed, but she isn’t. –tail for agility would be because balance and how it is used to help a cat in agility; I covered Manx, so I don’t think they’re a good breed to throw out, and it is true that a cat that somehow lost a tail doesn’t fall every time they stand, but I doubt Redclaw would have known this. How many cats don’t have their tails here? And, while I don’t know for sure, I think there would be an adjustment period, where the cat had to learn different ways of ensuring they could walk on the same thin surfaces, jump and be able to land on their feet, and maneuver themselves at high speeds.

What provoked the young, hotheaded father to attack?
__________
Being young, the tom, in my mind, would have been more jumpy and quick to attack- this could easily be apart of his personality, but I would imagine that the younger cats are quicker to attack, and don’t always stop to think things through. The addition of a family would have added to his likeliness to attack. Add that to the fact that, already, two strange cats tried to come and rob his family that day- two cats that ended up being killed. Cats, as we know, have sight far better then ours in the dark, so when he woke to see a stranger creeping up, I don’t think it would have been impossible for him to see some sort of resemblance between Redclaw and the tom that came earlier. So he reacted. He didn’t have time to think. He just reacted. And since Redclaw fought back, he continued to fight, and it all ended in the death of the strange tom.

Why didn't the mother take any precautions for her kits' protection?
________
Her precautions weren’t the greatest, obviously, since one kit was killed. But she did care for them, with feeding and the like. I’ve seen cats at my grandparents leave their kittens; sometimes they weren’t even in somewhat decent hiding spots. Usually, yes, they were hard (and sometimes impossible) to locate, but, like I said, sometimes the hiding spots were pathetic and locating the kittens would have been easy. The worst was a mother hiding them beneath the porch steps, where activity was the highest, and where any person could have spotted them.

I’m still not quite sure what to call where the kits were located, so I’ll go with bed, because it seems to be the best word for now. Anyhow, the bed would have just been simple, anything the cats could have created easily themselves. The kits wouldn’t have been right out in the open, I have yet to see a mother travel out of sight and hearing range, while leaving her kits in the open, but they wouldn’t have had the best hiding spot. She was an incompetent mother.

[Ten]

"I wondered what happened- ah, well, it’s an honest mistake."
--
Thanks for not freaking out like I did. ^^


"jump and be able to land on their feet, and maneuver themselves at high speeds."
--
That'll do.


You know what I mean when I distinguish between the tom's characteristics and his motives, right? Tell me what he'd have said to explain why he was attacking Redclaw.


"Add that to the fact that, already, two strange cats tried to come and rob his family that day- two cats that ended up being killed. Cats, as we know, have sight far better then ours in the dark, so when he woke to see a stranger creeping up, I don’t think it would have been impossible for him to see some sort of resemblance between Redclaw and the tom that came earlier."
--
So he assumed that this was a thief's family member come to steal from him? ...Did he have a fresh-kill pile, then?


"I’ve seen cats at my grandparents leave their kittens; sometimes they weren’t even in somewhat decent hiding spots."
--
I'll take your word for it.


"I’m still not quite sure what to call where the kits were located,"
--
The stream?


"Anyhow, the bed would have just been simple, anything the cats could have created easily themselves."
--
Out of what?

[The Hobbit]

So he assumed that this was a thief's family member come to steal from him? ...Did he have a fresh-kill pile, then?
______
He did have a fresh-kill pile, because neither of the two succeeded in stealing anything. He didn’t assume Redclaw was here to steal, but rather to get revenge of some sort.


Out of what?
______
That is where I’m slightly lost, so I’ll need your help: what materials would even be open to them? I was thinking that they could create a shallow dip in the ground, but I don’t know what else they could put in.


Ah, and in the tom’s words:

“I don’t know why I woke when I did, but I am glad that something disturbed me. Not too far away I could make out a cat. A tom, I could tell this by the scent. The resemblance to one I had seen early was frightening; I assumed it was kin. What else could it possibly be? I leapt to my paws and attacked, knowing that I had to protect my kits, my mate, my territory, my food…I had to protect everything I had. It was possible that the tom was only walking by, or that he was only coming to steal prey, but what cat would not revenge his kin? What cat would let them die and not do a thing? And what better time to attack than by the cover of night?”

[Ten]

"That is where I’m slightly lost, so I’ll need your help: what materials would even be open to them? I was thinking that they could create a shallow dip in the ground, but I don’t know what else they could put in."
--
Nothing that I can think of. The streambed could make a good place for them to be, though.


"due to the fact that she is quick to leap into a fray and roll around in the dirt because of it."
--
Point of grammar here. "Because of it"?


"For a cat to have control over a group of cats would lead to them being blinded by greed"
--
Syntax here is confusing. Rephrase? The "For this to happen, this would have to happen" seems to be clashing with a "If this happens, this will happen" setup.


"(Note the use of healthy. Mottledtail opposes saving the weak and sick; if they cannot survive on their own, they are only a burden and a danger.)"
--
Parentheticals don't stand on their own. These can be their own sentences.


"the remains of prey Redclaw brought her once in awhile," <-- a while


"cats should hunt for themselves- he only gave in when"
--
Dashes -- should either--have spaces on both sides or neither. To be technical, they're not supposed to have spaces at all, but since Proboards doesn't have any autoformat, sometimes that can just look like a wonky dash.


"The differences in opinions, Silverheart's youth, and the force mating, made Silverheart a highly irresponsible mother."
--
That's not what would make her irresponsible. At least, not her problems with Redclaw. The youth explanation is plausible.


"Copperkit was killed in the fray that ensued."
--
Fray? If he's just a meager kit, what would make it a fray? That is, when I think fray, I think big clouds of dusk and flying objects and little bursts of stars.


"that the only way to survive was to care for ones" <-- apostrophe


"Together, the two cats went off to find the others. They discovered them near the fresh-kill pile of another family (Redclaw had also taught his kits that hunting was a waste of time if already perfectly good fresh-kill piles were around).

They had been slain."
--
I'm thinking you should restructure this, as you preface the death declaration with a little comment about Redclaw's teachings, killing the drama. If that bit were moved so that it read "They discovered them near the fresh-kill pile of another family. They had been slain." it would better suit the tone.


"The other tom was younger," <-- no comma

[The Hobbit]

Nothing that I can think of. The streambed could make a good place for them to be, though.
______
M’kay.



"(Note the use of healthy. Mottledtail opposes saving the weak and sick; if they cannot survive on their own, they are only a burden and a danger.)"
--
Fixed


"the remains of prey Redclaw brought her once in awhile," <-- a while
____
Fixed.



Dashes -- should either--have spaces on both sides or neither. To be technical, they're not supposed to have spaces at all, but since Proboards doesn't have any autoformat, sometimes that can just look like a wonky dash.
________
Changed.



That's not what would make her irresponsible. At least, not her problems with Redclaw. The youth explanation is plausible.
_________
We are giving these cats thought processes that I haven’t seen mimicked before. I know instinct would, of course, overpower these, but, like I said, she did her duty. She just really didn’t love the kits- so she did what her body said and nothing more.


Fray? If he's just a meager kit, what would make it a fray? That is, when I think fray, I think big clouds of dusk and flying objects and little bursts of stars.
_________
I’ve always thought of it as a fight, to be honest. But I’m not in the mood to argue about word definition so whatever.


"that the only way to survive was to care for ones" <-- apostrophe



I'm thinking you should restructure this, as you preface the death declaration with a little comment about Redclaw's teachings, killing the drama. If that bit were moved so that it read "They discovered them near the fresh-kill pile of another family. They had been slain." it would better suit the tone.
___
Fixed.

"The other tom was younger," <-- no comma
_____
Fixed.

[Ten]

"She just really didn’t love the kits"
--
That doesn't sound realistic.
No matter who the bio-father is, they're her kits.

[The Hobbit]

That doesn't sound realistic.
No matter who the bio-father is, they're her kits.
_____
Yes, they are. But she didn’t want kits, not then and not from Redclaw. She didn’t want them to die, but not wanting something to die doesn’t mean you love it.

[Ten]

So she didn't love them just because she didn't love Redclaw?