Russetfoot

[taunt]

Role player| Taunt

Name| Russetfoot

Gender| Tom

Physical Description| Russetfoot has short, mackerel tabby, red-ish brown fur, and white paws, muzzle, belly, and tail tip. His eyes are a pale, yellow-green. He is strong and very agile when he moves. Russetfoot is a decent hunter, enough to stay alive, but definitely not the best.

Views| He does not believe there should be a new clan. Survivial depends on only himself, and he lives alone. This makes it hard to trust any one else with such an important responsibility, because he's never really trusted any cat. So he would prefer living alone over being told what to do. He also doesn't believe he would be happy taking care of other cats when it's hard enough to keep himself alive.

Kin| Mother- Spottedfur. Father- Boulderpelt. Borther-Mudeye.

History| He was born with his brother, Mudeye. Mudeye looked like their mother, while Russetfoot looked a lot like their father, Boulderpelt, inheriting his broad shoulders, green eyes, and brown fur. Russetfoot 's other mentored him, while Mudeye was mentored by their father. Mudeye died at an early age from sickness during dark season. His father left him and his mother shortly after Mudeye's death because he had been his mentor. One day, a group of stronger cats came to take their fresh-kill pile and killed Spottedfur in the process. He lived mostly by himself after that, not being very social. His not-so-great hunting skills, and lack of team work require him to live off mainly insects.

Attachments:

[Ten]

"Palegaze has short, mackerel tabby, brown fur, and white paw, muzzle, belly, and tail tip."
--
White paws, plural, or is only one paw white?


"He is strong," <-- remove this comma


"but defiantly not the best." <-- definitely?


"Palegaze does not believe there should be a new clan, unless he's the leader."
--
I don't understand. Is he a con or a Clanner?


"Kin| His parents names were Boulderpelt and Spottedfur. He had one brother named Mudeye. All of them are currently deceased."
--
You can put the kin in list format if you want, but if you like it like this, then put an apostrophe after parents.


"inheriting his broad shoulders," <-- no comma


"How ever," <-- however is one word


"he had pale green eyes when both his parents and brother had blue."
--
How would that work? I thought blue eyes were recessive.
Anyway, kits are born with their eyes closed, so this can't be the reason for his name.


"His father left him and his mother shortly after Mudeye's death."
--
Why? If he were uncommitted to the family, he wouldn't have stayed around at all. Did he have some special interest in Mudeye?


"One day, in mid after noon, the temperature was scorching, and part of the enclosure caught fire, killing Spottedfur."
--
The walls can't spontaneously combust. There are plenty of other ways for her to die, though.

[taunt]

Role player| Taunt

Name| Palegaze

Gender| Tom

Physical Description| Palegaze has short, mackerel tabby, brown fur, and white paws, muzzle, belly, and tail tip. His eyes are a pale, yellow-green. He is strong and very agile when he moves. Palegaze is a decent hunter, enough to stay alive, but definitely not the best.

Views| Palegaze does not believe there should be a new clan, unless he's the leader. Times like this, and living alone make it hard to trust any one else with such an important responsibility.

Kin| Mother- Spotterfur. Father- Boulderpelt. Borther-Mudeye.

History| He was born with his brother, Mudeye. Mudeye looked like their mother, while Palegaze looked a lot like their father, Boulderpelt, inheriting his broad shoulders and brown fur. However, he had pale green eyes when both his parents and brother had blue. Palegaze's other mentored him, while Mudeye was mentored by their father. Mudeye died at an early age from sickness during dark season. His father left him and his mother shortly after Mudeye's death. One day, a group of stronger cats came to take their food and killed Spottedfur in the process. He lived mostly by himself after that, not being very social.


I don't understand. Is he a con or a Clanner?
-x-
More on the con side.


How would that work? I thought blue eyes were recessive.
Anyway, kits are born with their eyes closed, so this can't be the reason for his name.
-x-
Could I make where they named him after his eyes were open, or do I have to change the name/reason?

[Ten]

Allow me to explain:

Your first post is the bio. It should include nothing except the completed bio form. Then, on this thread, we discuss the bio, like this. You don't repost the bio, and you don't put comments and answers in the first post. Make sense?


"More on the con side."
--
Okay, he doesn't want a Clan or a leader. Why not?


"Could I make where they named him after his eyes were open, or do I have to change the name/reason?"
--
Can you think of a good reason why they would wait a week for his eyes to open and then wait even longer for his eyes to change from blue to their true color before giving him a name?

[taunt]

The reason for his name is that he has red-ish brown fur, thus the russet. Plus he is very agile, thus the foot.

Are there any other problems?

[Ten]

"Views| He does not believe there should be a new clan, unless he's the leader."
--
Didn't you say he was a con? Cons don't want Clans, and by default that means they don't want leaders.


"Times like this,"
--
What do you mean?


"and living alone make" <-- makes


"it hard to trust any one else with such an important responsibility,"
--
Are you implying that, because he isn't close to any cats, it's hard for him to trust anyone, or do you mean that living with others but not as an organized group makes it hard for him to trust anyone with the responsibility of leadership? In either case, does he trust other cats in rat hunts?


"so he would perfer" <-- prefer?


"living alone then" <-- than? I'm thinking "over" would fit this syntax better.


"He also doesn't believe he would be happy taking care of other cats," <-- no comma


"when its hard" <-- it's, with an apostrophe


I suggest putting a break between his views and his kin.


"Mother- Spotterfur." <-- Spottedfur?


"His father left him and his mother shortly after Mudeye's death."
--
Why? If he were uncommitted to the family, he wouldn't have stayed around at all. Did he have some special interest in Mudeye?


"One day, a group of stronger cats came to take their food"
--
Did they have a fresh-kill pile? Or was this a rat that Spottedfur had just helped kill, and the other hunters had moved on?


"He lived mostly by himself after that, not being very social."
--
Do you mean that he's not friendly, or do you mean that he avoids interaction with others?

[taunt]

Do you mean that he's not friendly, or do you mean that he avoids interaction with others?
-x-

Avoids other cats. He has 'trust issues'.

[taunt]

Is there anything else that needs to be fixed?

[Ten]

Would you please post answers to all of my questions?